Single Dating Diva

So you’re looking for love and haven’t found it yet.  Many people are.  So with all these single people looking for love all around why are you still single?  Well, I asked myself the same question not too long ago and you know what I realized?  I realized that I was self sabotaging my chances at love.  I was being my own worst enemy.  How you ask?  Well, I’m going to share the 3 things that may be sabotaging your chances at love.  Once I admit it to myself, it made things a whole lot easier and opened me up to what I really wanted and needed.  How about you?  Are you self sabotaging?

3 Things That May Be Sabotaging Your Chances At Love

1 – Being Hung Up On Someone

Is there someone that you’re “carrying a torch” for?  Just can’t let go of that hope that they’ll come around?  Perhaps you just can’t get over an ex.  Whatever the case may be, that person is not with you for a reason.  If they’re an ex, then they’re an ex because things didn’t work out between you.  Whatever the reason you broke up will always be there, so let go.  Carrying a torch for someone unreachable?  Well, let me tell you a little secret … come closer, they don’t want you.  There I said it.  If they wanted you they would be with you.  Plain.  Simple.  I fell into that trap too, so I know.

I carried a torch for someone for several years.  They were my ideal mate in my eyes but, even though they knew how I felt they still didn’t make the move I wanted.  I kept holding on to the hope that maybe just maybe they would come around, but, they never did.  Because I saw them as who I really wanted to be with, I compared each person I met to them.  Result? I passed on some potentially great guys because I put him on a pedestal that nobody could live up to.  However, that’s a thing of the past, I realized what I was doing and let go.  Letting go definitely made a world of difference for me and my dating life because I saw him for who he really was and I realized my self worth.

2 – Being Judgmental

Have you been accused of being “too picky”?  Do you have a list of wants a mile long?  What’s on your list? Do you have a vision board with your ideal mate on it?  These things are sabotaging your love life.  How? Well, you may be passing up a great person because they don’t live up to your high standards.  What you need to do is re-assess your list.  What on there is linked to your ethics and values?  What on there is “need to have” and what is “nice to have”?  I pared down my list significantly and started opening up to men who I wouldn’t have considered before and you know what? I have met some GREAT people who I totally wouldn’t have thought I would like.  Try it, you might just be pleasantly surprised!

Another way you could be judgmental is by the baggage you’re carrying with you from past relationships or experiences.  This is a biggie in dating.  Unfortunately, not every experience we have is going to be a good one.  It is inevitable.  However, we can’t blame every person for that bad experience.  We can’t judge every person because someone else wronged us.  Even if we’ve had a lot of bad experiences dating, trust me, I know what THAT is like!! I also started using my past experiences as an excuse not to trust new people and always expected the worst from people and you know what? That’s what I got from them.  In that way I was self sabotaging because no one wants to be blamed for someone else’s transgressions.  Take each person as an individual and each new dating experience as just that a NEW dating experience with a NEW person.  Do yourself a favor and leave the past in the past.  You will be happy you did.  I certainly am!  I’m using my judgement, but not judging, you should too.  There really is a difference.

3 – Making Excuses & Over Analyzing

Do you always make excuses in your dating life?  Do you rationalize your actions because you have a great excuse?  Do you over analyze every situation and person you meet?  Well you know what? An excuse (good or bad) is just that, an excuse.  What are some excuses?  Well think about the things and situations you are avoiding because you are afraid of the outcome.  An example could be “I cannot meet a man because there are no good men where I live” or “I can’t approach that woman because I know she will reject me” or “I am too busy to date anyone right now” or even “I can’t afford to go on dates”.  These are all excuses we make to avoid the inevitable.  You need to live your life and get out of your rut.  How?  Well you need to live in the moment and take chances.  Think of everything as an experience, win or lose, you’re one step ahead because you learned.  Everything happening around you is an opportunity that you can take … thinking positively about it will help you.

Over analyzing rationalizes your actions and gives you a good excuse doesn’t it?  You can analyze anything enough and find a good reason why to do something or not do it.  Well, you know what?  It’s not helping your dating life and by doing this you are not protecting yourself, you are sabotaging your chances at love.  Plain.  Simple.  How do I know? Because I used to always make excuses why people weren’t right for me or why I didn’t like them.  I would sit and analyze all their actions, what they said, how they said it, what they did, almost to obsession.  In reality, I wasn’t giving them a fair chance.  I was also reading more into things that really weren’t there.  I have since learned to not over think things and just go with my gut instincts.  It has worked much better for me.  I’ve also learned to not only take chances but also to give them.  So what if it leads to heartbreak, it’s a lesson learned.  But, you know what? I’m living.

There you go, those are the 3 things that may be sabotaging your chances at love.  They aren’t surprising I’m sure and I would bet that they sound quite familiar to you because you’re doing the same thing.  Remember, you can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results.  Change it up a bit and see what happens.  That’s what I did and you know what? I’m never looking back!!

Do you think you are self sabotaging your love life?  How?  I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Tags: dating, single

Whether you’re back in the game after a long relationship or have been dating so long you want to re-review the basics, this guide will help you navigate that oft-tricky dating path!

Going Back To Basics With Dating 101

Go Somewhere You Like

Whether you have asked someone on a date or been asked, you are much more likely to have a good time if you go somewhere you know you’ll feel at ease.

If you are arranging the date, suggest a venue that reflects your true tastes and you will find it easier to relax into small talk when your date arrives. If it’s a dinner date, choose a restaurant with a menu, service and style you enjoy, or if it’s an activity date go for something that you will have fun doing.

If you have been asked to go somewhere that fills you with dread, don’t be afraid to make an alternative suggestion. For example, if your date suggests an Indian restaurant but you hate spicy food, or bowling is mentioned but you have never enjoyed it, come up with different options – somewhere or something you can both enjoy.

Wear Clothes That Make You Feel Good

When choosing what to wear, pick the outfit you feel best in. For formal dinners, dresses or skirts with heels are best for women, while men can’t go wrong with crisp shirts. If the venue is less formal, more casual clothes may be appropriate but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make an effort.

If you are wearing jeans, choose black or dark-blue and the ones you feel best in, and wear them with a well-cut flattering top or shirt. Make sure your shoes are clean and polished, and don’t forget a dab of perfume or aftershave!

Pay Attention To Your Date

Many people worry about making small talk on a date but if you show an interest in the other person and ask questions about their job, where they live and their hobbies the conversation should soon start to flow.

Not only will asking questions help spark conversation, the other person will usually feel flattered by the interest you are paying them.

Be Confident

Being confident about yourself and the evening ahead is the best way to convince the other person to feel confident about you and enjoy the date.

If you feel nervous beforehand, take some time to relax and release any tension. Go for a walk or jog before you get ready to relieve any stress and visualise yourself feeling calm and happy. Dispel any self-doubts you have about yourself and instead remind yourself what a fine and interesting person you are – if you know it, your date will be much more likely to recognise it, too!

Have Fun

The final piece of advice is to remember that dating should be fun! Don’t take it too seriously and instead see it as a chance to have a laugh with someone. If it doesn’t go as well as you would like, start looking forward to another date with someone else! There really are plenty more fish in the sea.

Tags: dating, single