Archive | November, 2011

My Magic Carpet Ride

27 Nov

You might be thinking Magic Carpet? What?  Well … picture it … me Jasmine … riding the magic carpet with my Aladdin … listening to this Steppenwolf song ….

 

As most of you are aware, I am of Middle Eastern descent and my ideal guy would also be from the same part of the world.  I’m pretty keen on my culture and language and would like to share that with a potential mate.  I have, however, been dating all types of people, not limiting myself, but it’s not the same.  I just feel more “at home” with a Middle Eastern guy.  I can’t help it.  So anyway, that got me thinking.  I’ve been meeting people here and there while out, and online, but I had a brilliant (well seemed that way at the time) idea to sign up for an Arab dating site.  Oh brother, what a ride … and not the magic carpet type!

What type of guys did I meet?  Well, they certainly met the ethnic profile, no problems there.  That’s pretty much where it ended.  I was aware of the difficulty in meeting a guy around my age because Middle Eastern men who are 30+ usually want women in their 20′s … until they hit their late 40′s+.  I just thought maybe if I expanded my geographical search zone I would have more luck.  I created my profile, put up a nice picture, answered all the questions and started “flirting” with guys of interest – mainly mid-30′s to early 40′s … you know, the ones who think I’m too old (even though I look much younger).  Not one of them responded.  Not even one.  OK, well, I kind of suspected that would happen.  I’m a 35 year old divorcee … what would mamma think?

So who did respond to my ad?  Oh I got LOTS of responses.  I was quite popular actually.  With who, you ask?  Well this is where it gets interesting.  Where shall I start?  I will give you the highlights:

  • age: 53, makes 25K a year, has a big belly, bushy mustache, bald and a parrot on his shoulder (not a costume) … pirate?
  • age: 48, makes 40K a year, not attractive at all, said he likes younger women because they make him feel young … what am I? The fountain of youth?
  • age: 43, makes 30K a year, lives in California and all his favorite things are connected with the Bible including quotes from the Bible … missed your vocational calling?
  • age: 22, makes 20K a year, very trendy and attractive, loves older women and thinks he can make me very happy “in every way” … um, no thank you!
  • age: 38, makes 75K a year, attractive, sounding good, right?  nope … why? he lives in SAUDI ARABIA! No Thanks!
  • age: 32, didn’t disclose a salary, attractive, from Lebanon and looking for a wife abroad … do I look like I have immigration papers tattooed on my forehead?
  • age: 35, makes 60K a year, not even Arab, but loves Arab women and sent me a message all about how lonely he was and how he wanted someone to share his life with because he was so lonely … desperate much?
  • age: 46, looked like a monkey … didn’t even check out his profile.
  • age: 38, makes 55K a year, not bad looking, seemed interesting, exchanged a couple messages and they all seemed like auto responses and his stories didn’t match … I can’t be bothered.

That’s only a drop in the bucket … were there no normal men out there? Seriously!  I tried … I don’t think that site is for me.  What is it about me that attracts all these odd balls?

Well, I’ve decided I’m gonna take my OWN Magic Carpet Ride … who’s coming along? Cue music … “I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine … On a cloud of sound I drift in the night … Any place it goes is right … Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here …”  Screw you Aladdin … Jasmine’s doing it on her own! Now’s where’s the Genie? I need a drink!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Thanks for reading!

You can also find me on Twitter (@singledatingdiv)
Singles Warehouse (Online Dating Advice) here 
Dating Sauce (Dating After Divorce) here
Single Dating Diva on Tumblr here

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

27 Nov

Who’s the prettiest of them all? Well me, of course! Just kidding. I’m certainly not that vain. But I was reading something recently about how women get really mean and nasty when they see a potential sexual rival. The same woman dressed seductively and dressed plainly and gauged people’s reactions to her. She found that the more attractive she dressed the cattier women became. You can read more about the study here. Not rocket science right? We’re all competing for the same men and we don’t want other women looking better than us. We want the men to notice US not them!

Made me think though, what kind of vibes do I give off? I make it a habit of never leaving the house unless I look and smell good. Well, you never know who you might run into. Even to the gym. Yes, I’m that girl who gets dolled up to go to the gym. Well, my dolled up is usually relative to where I’m going. But I think people should care about what they look like. Who wants to look at a slob? We’re a society of yoga pants, no make up and pulled up hair. Since when is that attractive? I was guilty of that once too until I realized I get much better service, not to mention more attention, when I look respectable. People want to help you and treat you better. It’s human nature.

It’s the same with men. No matter how humble a man is, he wants a woman he can show off. He wants to make other men envy him. Maybe it’s her looks, maybe her accomplishments or her smarts, but there has to be something he is proud to have. So what is your “great asset” that would make a guy proud to have you by his side? You need to know what that is and market it. Do you have a hot body that makes men drool? Well flaunt it! Are you an accomplished writer, scientist, soccer player? Well, promote that … go where those guys who would appreciate those qualities are. You get what I’m saying … when you are confident about what YOU have to offer someone else, then you will attract them like magnets.

So do women flash me dirty looks? Yes. Do I care? Nope. I like the attention, it makes me proud. I know I am a smart, attractive woman with a lot to offer a guy. Sometimes I forget that, we all have our downer days, but in general I try to be positive and do things to generate positive energy from others as well. So go out there and FLAUNT IT! Show everyone else in the world how gorgeous and smart you are! Because you ARE! Believe it and it will be true!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

Is Breaking Up REALLY That Hard To Do?

24 Nov breaking up

Seriously friends.  Is it that hard?  Breaking up with someone can be quite difficult and awkward, I do agree, but why do we make it that hard.  If something just isn’t working, why can we not be mature adults about it and get it done.  Why can we not be honest with ourselves and our partners?  So what are some of the less than honourable tactics people use to break up?  Here are some of the things I’ve encountered …

  • Just avoiding it altogether and wait for the other person to break up.
  • Give the other person a reason to break up (like openly cheating or acting like an ass).
  • Just one day never call back … nothing.
  • Giving a BS reason (see graphic).
  • Getting a friend/family member to break up for them.
  • Doing it via text or email or any social networking application (i.e. changing your relationship status on FaceBook).
  • Deleting your partner from BlackBerry Messenger.

These are only some of the underhanded ways me or people I know have been broken up with.  Nice eh?  Why can’t people just act like mature adults? Really!  I like to think that I’m an honest person.  If I see something isn’t working then I come out and say it.  Why delay things more than they have to?  I really appreciate the same in return.  If I date a guy and he just doesn’t see it moving in the direction he likes, I would much rather he told me.  Instead, my experience has been that they just either avoid the topic or wait for me to do it OR even worse, they just never call me back or answer my messages.

breaking upWhatever happened to maturity?  We’re not teenagers here.  People I date are generally in their 30’s or 40’s.  You would think by then they would have the balls to break up maturely with a woman.  I guess not.  I guess there will always be people who are more adult than others regardless of age.

How to break up the right way?  HONESTY.  I can’t stress that enough.  Just be honest with the other person.  Tell them how you feel and explain why you don’t feel like your relationship is going to work.  Hear them out.  Some people don’t give others enough credit, I guarantee you people will be much more grateful if you are open and honest.  I have not met any person who likes to be kicked to the curb with no explanation … think about it … do you?  Just remember the Golden Rule my friends … treat others the way you want to be treated … and for goodness sake grow a pair!! Besides, it generates good karma … and that’s something we all can use!

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

Does Your Soul Have a Mate?

21 Nov holding hands soul mate SINGLE DATING DIVA

First of all, what is a “soul mate” anyway? That term gets thrown around a lot. Everyone is looking for their “soul mate”. Wikipedia defines “soul mate” as “the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soul mate … the one and only other half of one’s soul.”

Wow! Deep stuff. Do I believe it exists or is it just a romantic notion someone made up? I personally believe soul mates do exist. But I don’t believe that they are only those who we are romantically involved with. I think some people who walk on our life’s journey are also our soul mates. Not everyone, but some. You know who they are. You have such a deep connection with them it’s uncanny. It might be your sibling or a best friend. Someone you’re naturally drawn to. For some, they are lucky enough to find this in a romantic partner. But can it happen more than once? I believe so.

The romantic notion of one soul mate we have in our lives is a dangerous one. It causes us to doubt ourselves and the relationships we have. Is there just one person out there for us? Well the older we get and the more relationships we have, we know the answer is no. We definitely can have more than one. I have no doubt. Each person comes into our lives at a certain time for a certain reason. Some for a short period and some for longer periods … time does not equate validity.

What makes a person your soul mate? To me it’s the connection you have with them. It’s like you’ve always known them. Like you’ve been through lifetimes together. It’s not a romantic love sort of thing. It’s a connection like you’ve never felt before. You feel it at the core of your body. Being with them erases all worry and trouble. It’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Being without them is painful. They are like a drug. Now is it this intense with all soul mates? Not sure. But this is my notion of my romantic soul mate. My friend soul mates have an equally strong connection with me but not as intense, but maybe that’s because it’s different.

I am lucky to know how this feels, but also unlucky that sometimes I have to feel the pain rather than the bliss. But that’s life isn’t it? I will leave with something I read once … I think it’s relevant … the author is unknown but the message is valuable: “soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you”. I hope for all of us that our lives are filled with these people who are perfect for us, whoever they may be and that we all find our soul mate.

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

Tik Tok Tik Tok

20 Nov woman biological clock tik tok

Lately I’ve been hearing the ticking of my biological clock louder and louder.  Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok. I know, I’m only in my 30′s but still.  I guess I just figured I’d be in a different place in my life right now.  We’re conditioned to believe that by the time you’re 30, you should be married with children … white picket fence and all.  But is that really realistic anymore?  Not so much.  Times have certainly changed.  Women have changed.  Most women are getting a good education and then a career before they even think marriage.  Many just want to live their lives freely before being “tied down”.  Some would say this is the wrong frame of mind.  Not me.  I think people should live however they choose to, marry who they choose when they choose to.  No pressure.  I felt that pressure, that’s why I got married to the wrong guy.  I wanted so badly to fit in to the proverbial “box”.

woman biological clock tik tokYou know which box I’m referring to.  The one your families and communities typically carve out for you.  You have to meet their expectations or else you’re a disappointment.  This box is also the socially acceptable box.  You’re expected to do certain things in your life or else something is wrong with you.  How many of you single ladies get the “why are you still single” looks of pity from other people?  Guess what? The “ooh you’re divorced AND single” look of pity is even WORSE!!  I just shoot back with “why would I make the same mistake twice?” and laugh it off with them … but really I’m just being defensive.  What I really want to say is that “I hate that I’m divorced and I hate that I’m single.  Thanks for reminding me”.  But I can’t.  I have to be strong and besides, whose business is it anyway?

Don’t get me wrong.  I am enjoying this new independent life.  I am learning so much about myself.  I am also learning how important it is to be TRUE to myself.  I can’t stress that enough.  I won’t settle for less, even if that means I will stay single a little while longer.  I do get lonely, but I have remedies for that.  I do hear my clock ticking … I really would love a child, but I will channel that energy and enjoy my niece and nephew and give them all my love and attention.

It will happen.  It will come.  I know it will.  I just have to be patient and trust.  One of my favorite books of all time is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and my favorite quote from this book is ”when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”.  So I will have faith and be strong … the universe is listening and I will get who I really want – my soulmate – my other half.  Now where’s that hammer there’s a clock I need to destroy …

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Thanks for reading!

Giving the Milk for Free

17 Nov

We all know your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
The question is, will you give the milk for free or make them buy the cow?

It’s a difficult question, particularly for those of us in the casual dating world.  We all have needs right?  When does it cross the line?  It’s all about feelings and mutual understanding.  I’ve talked about special needs friends before.  I’ve also said that those kind of friends are not for the faint of heart and it can get complicated.  How can it get complicated?  Well, feelings develop on one side perhaps, or worse, the farmer gets so used to the sweet milk that he gets for free that he doesn’t bother buying the cow because the cow is giving it for free … why commit if you don’t have to?

These situations get so complicated.  I know.  I’ve been there. You start out having fun then develop feelings or it lasts longer than it should and becomes an in between “not friends, not relationship” kind of thing.  Oh I know ALL about that.  It’s not worth it.  So why even bother?  Well, what is a single girl supposed to do?  It’s not so easy to resist a charming farmer and let him taste the milk for free.  But really, it should be just a taste … a preview of what he will get when he buys the cow AND it shouldn’t be right away.  If he likes it, trust me he will want to make the purchase.  I’m not talking marriage, just being in a public committed relationship.  And what if he doesn’t want to make the purchase? Well then he’s not worth your time, someone else more deserving will come along who fully deserves your yummy milkshake!

I’m in the process of shedding my deadbeat farmer … not easy, but it has to be done … this cow isn’t going to give her milk for free anymore! Those who read my personal blog know who I’m talking about.  I found this cartoon that says it perfectly …

I’ll finish by saying “For all those men who say “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” here’s an update for you. Nowadays many women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!” ~attributed to Andy Rooney

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

The Death of Romance

14 Nov

I’m so harsh, aren’t I? Well, I call it like I see it. Whatever happened to wooing a woman? Seriously. In the past year of dating several men, I haven’t experienced one “woo”. No flowers, no romance, rarely cute messages, no special outings, no thoughtful gestures, no call to just say “I was thinking of you”. I’m not the romance type, I will admit, but it’s nice to be romanced and wooed once in awhile. It makes you feel wanted and special. No one makes an effort anymore. Not just with me, many women I know are experiencing the same thing.

I blame today’s society. Think about it. Everything is out there and no one has to work for it anymore. If you don’t go out with them, someone else will. Some men are so jaded from trying so much that they don’t even bother anymore. As a fellow jaded individual I totally get it. So what is the solution? I’m not sure. Perhaps going back to good old fashioned dating rituals is what we need. Back to basics. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with a man holding the door open for you … why on earth would you be insulted? Men, what makes you think you shouldn’t romance and woo a woman you like on the first date? I guarantee you that it will make her more interested. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money either … treating her like a lady and acting like a gentleman goes a long way!

I also think some women expect too much and ruin it for everyone else. They are too demanding. They are stuck in Disney princess mode. You know what I’m talking about. Most of us grew up watching all the Disney princesses get their handsome princes and live happily ever after. We grew up being told and thinking we are those princesses and should expect nothing less than a handsome prince who will sweep us off our feet. We are also conditioned to believe that those romantic comedy movies are based on reality. Fat chance. When do these things actually happen? Rare at best. Then why expect it?

I’m not being cynical, don’t get me wrong. It’s good to only want the best … but you also need to be realistic. We see something on TV like a romantic proposal or a love story and our hearts melt and we think “why can’t that be me?”. I know, I’ve been there too. But you don’t see the whole picture or what garbage lay beneath the surface. All I’m saying is be realistic. Don’t settle for less than your standards, but don’t set your standards so high that no one will meet them. Guys … romance someone you’re interested in! Women love to be wooed, no doubt about it! A simple text message to say you’re thinking of them goes a long way! Now, someone please romance me ;)

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

Could Our Wishful Thinking Make Us Ill?

12 Nov

What an odd topic you say? No, not really.  This is what happened to me recently.  Constant wishful thinking made me quite ill.  I recently have had an extended period off of work because I was recovering from something I shouldn’t have had to begin with because I have none of the risk factors (it usually comes to the elderly, obese or inactive and I’m young, healthy and quite active).  The only other risk factor was stress.  It got me thinking about stress and how it affects our life.  Well, first I needed to decide what my stress is related to.  Number one stresser over the past couple of years is definitely the end of my marriage and subsequent divorce.  I think that’s what killed me inside.  Now, I am going through the Catholic Church’s version of divorce … the Annulment … yes, I have to prove that my marriage never existed if I ever want to get married in the Church again … as one friend put it, it’s a “divorce made in heaven”.  What’s stressing me? Well, having to relive all the pain and heartache once again.  Not to mention, my ex wants nothing to do with the process, he doesn’t care.  He also doesn’t want to contribute financially (it’s going to cost me around $2000).

Why am I putting myself through this you ask? Well, one is to appease my family.  Second, a “just in case” if I marry someone who wants to get married in the Church.  Third, well, I think I need this severing, it’s a kind of final closure.  Because of my life experience, I’ve learned you never know what tomorrow brings.  Since this process takes over a year, I am getting it out-of-the-way.  Who knows, maybe I will actually meet my mr right and get married.  Although, I have to admit the thought of marrying again makes me want to vomit.  I’m sure when the time comes and the right person comes, I won’t feel that way.  Who knows.  Every day to me is a surprise.

So what else is making me stressed to the point of illness? Well, all those crappy dating experiences I’ve had over the past year have left a lot to be desired.  Some are laughable, but some are downright awful.  I haven’t even wrote about all of them.  Like the guy who pulled out his penis in the middle of our conversation and started playing with it.  I mean, who does that?  He seemed like a normal guy! How about the furnace repair guy who wanted “inspect my furnace” … he didn’t mean the one in my basement.  Umm … I have given up hope that any normal guys exist.  Mr. Consistently Inconsistent also is a cause of stress for me.  After almost a year and a half I think something’s gotta give.  I want to move forward with him so badly it hurts.  I know it’s wishful thinking.  I’m realistic, don’t worry.  Remember, I’m the one that dishes out the tough love.  But this wishful thinking and disappointment after disappointment is making me ill.  No doubt about it.

OK, I know, I need to think positive.  I always say “thinking positive bring positive experiences” … now I need to get back in that frame of mind because I can’t let life make me ill anymore.  I need to walk forward confidently and focus on all the great things in my life and how blessed I am to have wonderful family and friends who love and support me.  As for being single, well, I hope I’ll write about Mr. Z soon … you know, my “mr. right” … who knows what’s hiding around the corner!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Thanks for reading!

You can also find me on Twitter (@singledatingdiv)
Singles Warehouse (Online Dating Advice) here 
Dating Sauce (Dating After Divorce) here
Single Dating Diva on Tumblr here

Looking Back

6 Nov

I truly believe that in order to learn from the past, you have to reflect on your journey.  As I’ve been quite ill this past month, I have had a lot of time to lie down and reflect (because I couldn’t do much else!).

I read back on my blog and saw that my journey was quite an interesting one!  But now that my divorce is officially final, am I further ahead?  Well, yes, I believe so.  I have learned a lot.

I wanted to share with you my most popular posts … for those just joining me and for those who enjoyed them.

Thank you for walking with me on this path and I would love your feedback about my journey (top 5 by order of most read) …

 

Looking forward to sharing more of my adventures with you :)

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Thanks for reading!

You can also find me on Twitter (@singledatingdiv)
Singles Warehouse (Online Dating Advice) here 
Dating Sauce (Dating After Divorce) here
Single Dating Diva on Tumblr here

Should the Past Stay in the Past?

6 Nov

I sometimes wonder do we need to bring our past relationships into our present ones. I am a big believer that our past shapes us and makes us who we are, but do we need to share it? Does our new partner need to know about all our previous partners, sexually or not? Although, I think it’s important to be honest, perhaps not every detail needs to be shared. The older you get, the more you experience and it’s not necessarily stuff you want to share. Like I’ve spoken of before about our numbers I don’t think anyone needs to know how many people you’ve slept with. That’s personal and they shouldn’t ask to begin with. But what about how many people you’ve dated? I think that’s personal too. There’s a stigma with dating many people … you’re thought of as either loose or non-committal or perhaps that something is wrong with you. Not fair, I know, but it’s the truth. There’s a reason I stay anonymous.

So, what do you tell and when do you tell it. In the beginning, when you’re getting to know someone I honestly don’t think they need to know details. Telling stories and experiences is alright, just no details or numbers. For example, one great date I went on we talked about all our dating disasters and it turned out to be a fun night where we both shared our funniest experiences. We didn’t end up really clicking as a couple, but we did enjoy our chats and remained friends. I have also been on dates where the guy wanted to know in detail how many guys I have gone on dates within the past two weeks … I was like WTF? Controlling much? There is no need for details. General stories only! Once you enter a mutually exclusive relationship and time has passed there is nothing wrong with sharing some details. But I caution against numbers and names. It’s a small world, people know people and no one wants to bump in to someone they know that you’ve slept with. If it’s common knowledge and you were in a relationship it’s different, but don’t divulge info if you don’t have to. It’s only gotten me into sticky situations that I regretted later. Of course honesty is important, but don’t open a door that’s closed.

So should the past stay in the past. I say YES. Learn from it and grow and MOVE ON! There is no reason to bring it up again. There is no reason to give your current love interest anything to compare with or feel threatened by. We all have a past and we all have skeletons in our closet. Let’s keep them there. No need for them to scare off a new liaison. I know I don’t want to hear about anyone’s skeletons … well unless their ghost is potentially going to haunt me … but that’s another story!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

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