Single Dating Diva

Who’s the prettiest of them all? Well me, of course! Just kidding. I’m certainly not that vain. But I was reading something recently about how women get really mean and nasty when they see a potential sexual rival. The same woman dressed seductively and dressed plainly and gauged people’s reactions to her. She found that the more attractive she dressed the cattier women became. You can read more about the study here. Not rocket science right? We’re all competing for the same men and we don’t want other women looking better than us. We want the men to notice US not them!

Made me think though, what kind of vibes do I give off? I make it a habit of never leaving the house unless I look and smell good. Well, you never know who you might run into. Even to the gym. Yes, I’m that girl who gets dolled up to go to the gym. Well, my dolled up is usually relative to where I’m going. But I think people should care about what they look like. Who wants to look at a slob? We’re a society of yoga pants, no make up and pulled up hair. Since when is that attractive? I was guilty of that once too until I realized I get much better service, not to mention more attention, when I look respectable. People want to help you and treat you better. It’s human nature.

It’s the same with men. No matter how humble a man is, he wants a woman he can show off. He wants to make other men envy him. Maybe it’s her looks, maybe her accomplishments or her smarts, but there has to be something he is proud to have. So what is your “great asset” that would make a guy proud to have you by his side? You need to know what that is and market it. Do you have a hot body that makes men drool? Well flaunt it! Are you an accomplished writer, scientist, soccer player? Well, promote that … go where those guys who would appreciate those qualities are. You get what I’m saying … when you are confident about what YOU have to offer someone else, then you will attract them like magnets.

So do women flash me dirty looks? Yes. Do I care? Nope. I like the attention, it makes me proud. I know I am a smart, attractive woman with a lot to offer a guy. Sometimes I forget that, we all have our downer days, but in general I try to be positive and do things to generate positive energy from others as well. So go out there and FLAUNT IT! Show everyone else in the world how gorgeous and smart you are! Because you ARE! Believe it and it will be true!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

I’m so harsh, aren’t I? Well, I call it like I see it. Whatever happened to wooing a woman? Seriously. In the past year of dating several men, I haven’t experienced one “woo”. No flowers, no romance, rarely cute messages, no special outings, no thoughtful gestures, no call to just say “I was thinking of you”. I’m not the romance type, I will admit, but it’s nice to be romanced and wooed once in awhile. It makes you feel wanted and special. No one makes an effort anymore. Not just with me, many women I know are experiencing the same thing.

I blame today’s society. Think about it. Everything is out there and no one has to work for it anymore. If you don’t go out with them, someone else will. Some men are so jaded from trying so much that they don’t even bother anymore. As a fellow jaded individual I totally get it. So what is the solution? I’m not sure. Perhaps going back to good old fashioned dating rituals is what we need. Back to basics. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with a man holding the door open for you … why on earth would you be insulted? Men, what makes you think you shouldn’t romance and woo a woman you like on the first date? I guarantee you that it will make her more interested. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money either … treating her like a lady and acting like a gentleman goes a long way!

I also think some women expect too much and ruin it for everyone else. They are too demanding. They are stuck in Disney princess mode. You know what I’m talking about. Most of us grew up watching all the Disney princesses get their handsome princes and live happily ever after. We grew up being told and thinking we are those princesses and should expect nothing less than a handsome prince who will sweep us off our feet. We are also conditioned to believe that those romantic comedy movies are based on reality. Fat chance. When do these things actually happen? Rare at best. Then why expect it?

I’m not being cynical, don’t get me wrong. It’s good to only want the best … but you also need to be realistic. We see something on TV like a romantic proposal or a love story and our hearts melt and we think “why can’t that be me?”. I know, I’ve been there too. But you don’t see the whole picture or what garbage lay beneath the surface. All I’m saying is be realistic. Don’t settle for less than your standards, but don’t set your standards so high that no one will meet them. Guys … romance someone you’re interested in! Women love to be wooed, no doubt about it! A simple text message to say you’re thinking of them goes a long way! Now, someone please romance me 

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

I sometimes wonder do we need to bring our past relationships into our present ones. I am a big believer that our past shapes us and makes us who we are, but do we need to share it? Does our new partner need to know about all our previous partners, sexually or not? Although, I think it’s important to be honest, perhaps not every detail needs to be shared. The older you get, the more you experience and it’s not necessarily stuff you want to share. Like I’ve spoken of before about our numbers I don’t think anyone needs to know how many people you’ve slept with. That’s personal and they shouldn’t ask to begin with. But what about how many people you’ve dated? I think that’s personal too. There’s a stigma with dating many people … you’re thought of as either loose or non-committal or perhaps that something is wrong with you. Not fair, I know, but it’s the truth. There’s a reason I stay anonymous.

So, what do you tell and when do you tell it. In the beginning, when you’re getting to know someone I honestly don’t think they need to know details. Telling stories and experiences is alright, just no details or numbers. For example, one great date I went on we talked about all our dating disasters and it turned out to be a fun night where we both shared our funniest experiences. We didn’t end up really clicking as a couple, but we did enjoy our chats and remained friends. I have also been on dates where the guy wanted to know in detail how many guys I have gone on dates within the past two weeks … I was like WTF? Controlling much? There is no need for details. General stories only! Once you enter a mutually exclusive relationship and time has passed there is nothing wrong with sharing some details. But I caution against numbers and names. It’s a small world, people know people and no one wants to bump in to someone they know that you’ve slept with. If it’s common knowledge and you were in a relationship it’s different, but don’t divulge info if you don’t have to. It’s only gotten me into sticky situations that I regretted later. Of course honesty is important, but don’t open a door that’s closed.

So should the past stay in the past. I say YES. Learn from it and grow and MOVE ON! There is no reason to bring it up again. There is no reason to give your current love interest anything to compare with or feel threatened by. We all have a past and we all have skeletons in our closet. Let’s keep them there. No need for them to scare off a new liaison. I know I don’t want to hear about anyone’s skeletons … well unless their ghost is potentially going to haunt me … but that’s another story!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce