Archive | January, 2012

Mr. Big Stuff Who Do You Think You Are?

29 Jan

Ever met a “Mr. Big Stuff” who thought or acted like just being in his presence was a supreme privilege for you?  I definitely have.  They go around strutting their stuff and breaking hearts … I know a couple of these and have had the privilege of “dating” them.  If you want to call it that.  But who wants to date someone who thinks they are better than you? Not me!

Most of us dream of the sugar daddy to come along and spoil us … c’mon don’t say you don’t.  It doesn’t mean you have to give up your independence, but it does mean that you don’t have to worry about financials.  But more importantly, it means that you will feel more special … perhaps more important.   Who doesn’t like being invited to VIP parties and be one of the VIPs … designer clothes … expensive restaurants … expensive cars … yes, it’s a nice life, or is it?

In my experience, these guys with money are usually very cheap.  I have found that guys without money are more generous than those who are rich.  Maybe if I was a vagician I would have better luck, but I’m not one of those ;) .  I think these Mr. Big Stuffs are all talk, no action.  They walk around acting like they are important and better than you, when in reality they are empty inside.  The ones I have dated are that way … insecure and overcompensating.  Did you ever notice a lot of hot and successful guys date ugly women?  You know why? It’s because the women won’t outshine them.  How vain!  One Mr. Big Stuff I met, I thought was gay because his fiance looked like a man.  Um, I found out after, no she wasn’t.  Oops! Unfortunately, I am not a vagician, nor am I ugly or 20 years old and I am very woman … so I’m not an ideal candidate.  Good news for the unattractive!

Perhaps we just need to find the best person for us.  I still have my standards, the alpha male and particularly my financial standards – he has to be established and making the same or more money than me.  I won’t step back from my standards, but I think I won’t focus on the sugar daddy anymore.  Mr. Big Stuff … keep walking … well, unless you want to buy me those Louboutin shoes I have always wanted … then, we’ll talk.

Just love this song …


Mr. Big Stuff, tell me
Just who do you think you are
Mr. Big Stuff
You’re never gonna get my love
Mr. Big Stuff

Mr. Big Stuff
You’re never gonna break my heart
Mr. Big Stuff
You’re never gonna make me cry

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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The Magic of the Vagician

25 Jan

Picture it … someone attractive looks at you and you melt like butter on a hot day.  All of a sudden you feel like for some reason you just want to remove all your clothes and let them ravish you.  Wait a minute … what? Is that even possible? Realistic?  YES!!

We’ve all been there.  Certain people make us weak in the knees … I can guarantee every single one of you has someone that came to mind just now.  I know I have someone like that … those of you that follow my blog can guess who I’m talking about.  Sigh.

What’s a vagician anyway?  Well, a vagician is a man or a woman who has the uncanny ability to get you to sleep with them or can use sex with them to get what they want.  It’s like magic.  They know what to say or do to seduce you.  They are master manipulators.  Some are more talented than others, but they exist and I guarantee most of you have met at least one in your life.  It almost always leaves you feeling violated and lost because your not like that … you would never do THAT … but you did for them … you would do ANYTHING for them.

Like magic, by saying and doing just the right thing you are sucked into their insane world.  So what do you do about it?  Good question.  When I find out, I’ll tell you.  It’s like we want to melt like butter … they make us feel so special while they are using us for their own pleasure and needs.  But they make us think that it’s what we wanted and needed.

Are you a vagician? I’m certainly not.  I tried to be but I’m too nice.  That darn conscience always gets in the way!  I see these girls who are much less attractive than me get men drooling over them and buying them anything they want regardless of the cost.  Why?  Because they are vagicians!  How about you gentlemen? Ever see the ugliest guy at the bar get all the women all over him? Why? Because he’s a vagician … they have the magic fairy dust that attracts others like magnets!

Keep your eyes open ladies and gents … these vagicians are everywhere and in the most unassuming places – work, friends, bars, neighbourhood, train, gym, online dating or even the grocery store.  My single and dating friends next time one of these scoundrels tries to suck you in with their charm RUN! Turn the other way and RUN as fast and far as you can because they are nothing but trouble.  You will be left alone and longing for them day and night.

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

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The Curse of the Good Excuse

23 Jan

What’s an excuse? Well it’s a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a misconduct or offense.  Is it valid or not? Well that’s another question. What happens when this excuse is actually a good one that you can’t dispute?  What is the difference between a good excuse and a valid reason?  Where do you cross the line?  I know you’re thinking, “what’s with all the questions?”.  Well I’ve been mulling over these questions the past couple days.  Why? You ask?  Well someone has cancelled on me two weekends in a row and always has a “good excuse”.  But where do I draw the line?

We all do it.  We need to cancel plans … sometimes it’s for a good reason and sometimes we just have a good excuse.  Personally, I am honest with the person, if I’m just feeling lazy, then I tell them.  I am an honest person and I appreciate honesty as well.  I just think it’s respectful and shows that you value the person if you’re honest.  Usually people are understanding.  Actually, it’s rare that people aren’t understanding when you’re completely honest.  Then why do people lie and make excuses?  I think it is because they can’t face the truth or, of course, they are just pathological liars.  Some people don’t know how to tell the truth, or they are masters of “leaving information out”.  They tell half-truths.  I wish that wasn’t the case, but it is.  You know what they say, honesty is always the best policy.

So how do you tell if someone’s giving you a good excuse or if it’s actually a valid reason?  Well, assess it on a case by case basis.  What is the person telling you?  Do they make a habit of giving excuses?  Is their reason actually a good one that is very possible or is the excuse way off the charts of believable?  Do they tell you half-truths?  You can always tell.  No one is stupid, we all have intuition – that feeling inside that tells us the truth about a situation or person.  We just choose to ignore our intuition sometimes when we want to see the good and not the bad.  Be realistic.

I think my mr. good excuse is the telling half-truths kind.  Perhaps I’m wrong.  I hope I’m wrong, but I guess we’ll see. As I always say, words are empty … it’s the actions that count!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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Loving Someone ‘Till It Hurts

16 Jan

Wait a minute? Isn’t love supposed to feel good? Ya, that’s what I thought, everyone wants to love, right? I just recently wrote about my different perspective on love. I just think romantic love is somewhat over-rated and causes more harm then good. We want the big love story we see on TV and at the movies, but that’s not what love really is. It’s so much more than that. What is my definition of love?

Love is the complete epitome of unselfishness. There I said it, unselfish. Is that even in people’s vocabulary anymore? I think society has gone in the direction of “me, me, me” and is less giving than before. It’s all about “what’s in it for me?”. That’s what we’re doing when seeking a mate. They have to fit in to our lives. We also have to fit into theirs. But once we’re there, does the selfishness end? Hmm, good question. We think we love someone unconditionally, but when times get tough, what happens? Do we stick it out or give up? I, personally, am a fighter. If I truly love someone I don’t give up until there is absolutely no hope as I did in my ex-marriage. As our marriage therapist put it, I was “pulling the train and he was sitting in the caboose with his feet up”.

But can you love someone too much to the point of obsession? I think that’s possible too. But then, is it really love? I don’t know if it is. You would give up your life for this person just to make them happy. That is unselfishness … or so it seems. But is it healthy to love someone that much? That’s what I call loving someone until it hurts. It’s hurting you. There has to be a point where you stop and think, is it worth it? Is complete selfless love the way to go?

I think that there has to be a “happy medium”. Love should definitely be selfless and selfish at the same time. Doesn’t make sense? Sure it does. The one you love should be the centre of your world and take priority in your life. You need to focus on making them happy. But you also have to be happy. If this relationship isn’t reciprocal, then what’s the point? It goes both ways … you make them happy, they make you happy. You do things for them, they do things for you. It has to be a mutual love that is mutually beneficial.

What about me? There is no room in my life for loving someone until it hurts and there is no room for fickle love. It’s all or nothing. Love me right and I will love you back. You shouldn’t settle for anything other than … true love!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

What’s Love Gotta Do With It Anyway?

15 Jan

Too much emphasis is placed on the word “love” I think.  Everyone wants to be “in love” … they want to find the “love of their life” … they want to live a “love story”.  Not me … is there something wrong with me?  No, I don’t think so.  I’m just a realist.  I choose not to cloud my judgement with the love business.  I prefer to slowly fall in love with someone.  Develop a long and lasting bond of friendship, respect and trust and then love just comes naturally.  I’ve been in the “love at first sight” situation, I’ve been in the saying “I love you” too early situation and I’ve been in the “I don’t love you anymore” situation.  None of it was real to begin with and that’s why it’s not there anymore.

You look around and what do you see?  If you are longing for love, you see people in love all around you seeming to mock you with their bliss.  If you are anti-love then these people make you want to vomit.  If you a realist like me, you look at them and wonder what’s behind that show?  No, I’m certainly not being cynical, but I’m just saying we see what we see but not what’s really there.  Think about it, how many blissful couple do you know that ended up hating each other?  How many couples who seemed like they had a fairy tale romance ended to be like a Brothers Grimm tale of woe?  It makes me wonder, had these couples been realists from the beginning, would they still be together?

What about those words “I love you”?  How much weight should be placed on them?  Well I think they shouldn’t be said unless they are really meant.  What does it mean to love someone?  It means putting them first in your life.  It means sacrificing for them.  It means loving the good, the bad and the ugly.  It’s not just a feeling you feel in your heart.  You can care deeply for someone but not truly love them.  But when should you say the words “I love you”? In my opinion when you feel it and are ready to accept the responsibility that comes with those words.  They aren’t just words to say.

What do you think? Take this Anonymous poll and leave your comments!


I speak these words from experience.  I was one of those couples.  My ex-husband and I were the personification of love … so in love that no one ever suspected we were miserable.  Everyone was surprised when we ended it.  We showed them what we wanted them to see, not what the reality was.  We fell in love too fast and as a result were blind to the reality of who the other person was.  It ended with a divorce when we finally opened our eyes.  So when you see that lovey dovey couple on the street and wish you were them, remember, what lies beneath the shiny surface might be something quite ugly.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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Being Single and Dating Long Distance

11 Jan

Should you meet people who live far away?

When you’re online dating, you meet a lot of new people, a lot of them not from your own region.  We’ve all done it … explored who’s in another city when we’re bored or frustrated with what we have in our own town.  What do you do when you meet someone you really like who is far away?  Do you go for it or not bother?  How do you decide?  It’s a difficult decision.  There are so many factors to consider – first and foremost determining if they are worth the trouble.

I think ideally, you need to find someone who lives within your city limits.  Ideally.  It just makes things easier.  You don’t need to travel to spend time together, you can have last minute plans, if you need them they are there, well, you get the picture.  But then again, you don’t always have that even when the person you’re dating is in town.  So how do you determine what’s right for you?  I think it depends on the person.

A long distance relationship is challenging, but it can work if both people want it to.  Just like any relationship, you have to put in an effort.  But it’s not for everyone.  If you are a needy, high maintenance partner who needs a constant partner, then long distance isn’t for you.  For me, I am a very low maintenance partner who is quite independent and I have a busy life, so I actually think long distance is beneficial for me.  But I also need a partner who is the same for it to work.  As well, we both have to want to make it work.  Plain and simple.  A relationship is hard work, no matter where you are and long distance relationships are that much harder.  Are you willing to put in the effort?

You also need to determine if this person is really worth all the trouble, mind you, you should do that for any prospect you meet.  Ask yourself if they meet all your standards.  Are they the type of person you could see yourself with?  Can you check off all or most of the boxes on your “ideal partner” list?  Do they have long term potential? Can you not find this type of person in town?  Ask yourself all these questions and you will know if it’s worth it for you.

You really just need to trust your gut instinct on this one.  If it’s something you truly believe is right for you then DO IT! It’s hard enough to find the right person, so when you do, it doesn’t matter where they are … if you both want to make it work, it will work.  So when that person from another town messages you … answer.  You never know, they may be mr or ms right!

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

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Finding That Special Someone

10 Jan

There is a Bob Marley quote I really love … his words are just as iconic as his music and I wanted to share that with you … this is really, truly what I am looking for … but it is only once? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. What do you think?

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”~ Bob Marley

Going through a rough dating life, we sometimes forget what’s really important and what we are really looking for. This quote just reminded me that I am truly looking for that SPECIAL someone … I won’t settle for less. Will you?

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

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One True Dating Gentleman and the Annoying Single

8 Jan

Wow … what a couple of weeks … lots of crazy changes in my life.  New career opportunities, new dating experiences and lots of quality time with my family and friends.  It’s good, I like to be busy, that’s for sure! But I won’t bore you with the details of my daily life because I know you’re dying to hear some dating stories!  Here are a couple interesting ones I experienced recently.

The Dating Gentleman

The Dating Gentleman was someone I met online.  He seemed nice, we chatted for a bit before deciding to go for a coffee.  It seemed we had a lot in common, a lot of similar interests and activities.  Look wise he wasn’t totally my type, but he had enough in the other departments to make me consider him.  He was well-educated, had lived his life fully, traveled, loved to cook and was totally into the healthy gluten-free lifestyle I was in (because his nephew has many allergens).  He was one of those “good on paper” guys, you know the ones … the ones you can bring home to mom and dad but didn’t have the excitement of a bad boy.  So we met.  Nice guy, total gentleman, pulling out chair, opening door, nice to staff, polite, etc … we had a great conversation for a couple of hours.  Nothing spectacular.  He seemed smitten.  I wasn’t so smitten.  First of all, he looked way older than his age.  Second, no spark.  None.  He seemed like he floats through life.  He was interesting and a good guy, very much into his family which I liked.  But no “oomph” … you know what I mean.  Nothing to leave a lasting impression.  So he sent me a text message a couple of hours after our date.  Then kept messaging me.  Hmm … too eager?  Then the next day he kept messaging me and asked me what I was doing, where I was … hmm.  I was busy and didn’t respond for a while so he asked “are you there?”.  Hmm.  I responded I was busy and I would talk to him later.  He said OK.  A couple of days passed and I got a message from him telling me it was nice meeting me but he met someone else he felt was a better match and thanked me for the date and wished me all the best.  Whether it was true or not, I really appreciated that.  All of you who have been following my blog know that this is one of the few times a man has had the guts to actually do that … yay.  I told him how much I appreciated his message and honesty and that I wished him all the best as well.  Thank goodness I didn’t have to do the rejecting, worked out well, didn’t it?  But what a gentleman, really.

The Annoying Single

Why do some people have to be so annoying? Seriously.  I like to think I’m patient and tolerant, really, OK, stop rolling your eyes (you know who you are).  But seriously, I do give people chances, but this guy is another story.  We have known of each other for many years (from the same community).  We never really talked to each other.  He found out I was single and found me on FaceBook and added me.  I added him because I knew who he was.  What a mistake.  I never really considered him as “potential” because he’s not my type, physically and personality wise.  Anyway, we chatted casually online about menial things, nothing special.  But he kept messaging over and over … I started being a little less accommodating and not responding for a day or two.  Then one day he sent me a message asking when we were going out for “a drink or two”.  I told him sorry, I wasn’t interested in him that way.  He asked why and I responded that he wasn’t my type or what I was looking for.  Then it began.  He wouldn’t let up.  He went on and on about how he always liked me but was afraid to approach me because I was so beautiful and he was fat and ugly (oh puleeeze).  He was overweight, but I was too for a long time.  He also went on about what a good guy he was and how he had so much to offer and how he would treat me better than anyone blah blah blah.  I said sorry, but I’m not interested in you.  He’s like why, but why.  So I told him to drop it and he said he would.  Two days later he was back at it.  OMG!!! I decided not to respond to his messages anymore.  So he stopped sending them.  Seriously, I don’t want to be mean, but I am not interested.  I could have totally taken advantage of his feelings and him and then dropped him down the line, but I didn’t.  He should be grateful.  Seriously, when someone says they’re not interested, don’t pull the “feel sorry for me” tactic, it doesn’t work.  Be a man for goodness sake!

Still waiting for Mr. Z … but just between you and me, there might be a prospect … stay tuned!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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Single and Dating New Year’s Resolutions

2 Jan

As we undertake another year, we also bring with us some things … namely, being single and dating. Our experiences from last year, although not alwaysgood, brought us where we are now. Perhaps using what we learned from last year, we need to re-assess what we’re looking for from our dating and single life. Something to think about. So what are my New Year’s Resolutions for being Single and Dating?

Well first and foremost I resolve to stop dating douchebags … mind you they don’t seem like douchebags when I meet them, but I am going to take little red flags a little more seriously. We do see those red flags, but sometimes they’re enticing … I know they are to me … so I solemnly promise to take red flags seriously. What else do I resolve to do? Well, I definitely resolve to live my bestsingle life. Being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I am blessed with so many good things and people in my life that, although I would love to be with someone, I don’t NEED someone to make me whole.

I also resolve not to settle for less than what I want. I know what I’m looking for and he’s out there somewhere. I will keep trying until I get it. I truly believe we shouldn’t remove our standards for the prospect of having someone in our life, even if that someone is the wrong one. I know it’s difficult, but I made that mistake and I won’t make it again. What else do I resolve as part of my Single and Dating New Year’s Resolutions? I resolve to laugh more because nothing attracts more people than a smiling and laughing happy person. I cannot tell you how many more responses to my online dating profile I got when I put a picture of me happy and laughing. Even when people see a happy person they’re intrigued. Be happy. Life is what you make it, so make it enjoyable.

The New Year is a time to start new and start fresh. Leave the past behind and learn from your errors, but don’t bring them with you. Leave them in the past. Don’t look back. The hardships you encountered have made you who you are, so don’t be sad or bitter about your bad dating luck. See it as another step towards your ideal partner. If things didn’t work out with someone and it left you single, that’s ok, you weren’t meant to be with them anyway or else they would be in your life. I’ve learned throughout my life that when something is meant to happen it does, no matter what you do. It may sounds like a passive way of thinking but it’s true. People who leave our lives, in retrospect, didn’t belong there anyway. Think about it. Reflect. Resolve to be the best single dater you can be! I know I am! So join me …

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

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