Archive | April, 2012

To Pee or Not To Pee …

30 Apr

When I saw this picture I couldn’t help but laugh … and think, is that me? Um, yes, and not necessarily while I’m in a long term relationship.  Well, I’m really not shy and I

don’t really care about someone I’m with seeing my body.  I mean everyone goes to the loo.  Everyone.  So why are so many people shy and embarrassed about someone they are with seeing them sitting on the toilet?  I think it’s because of what it is.  It’s not attractive, I won’t lie.  When you’re dating all you want is for someone to see you looking your best and God forbid, you, well, you know, fart, by accident.

Is that wrong or right?  Well, me, personally, I don’t care, I’ll pee in front of the guy I’m with if we’ve become intimate already.  The other stuff, I prefer to leave that to my alone time.  Not because I’m shy, but because no one wants to experience that.  I don’t care if a guy pees in front of me.  I’m not offended.  Actually, I think it shows comfort and displays another level of intimacy.  Some people do take it too far though.  Like one guy I dated.  We were on our second date at a restaurant and he excused himself to go to the toilet.  Ten minutes go by and he still hasn’t returned.  Then I get a text with him apologizing that he isn’t back yet, but it’s taking him longer than he thought, that he was feeling a little constipated, but, we can chat by text until he comes back, he asked if I could keep him company. LOL!!! Um, OK … awkward!

The way I look at it, if you have sex with someone then going pee in front of them is no big deal.  The other stuff, well … I think that’s better left to your own private time.  If you want to do it, don’t have a discussion about it, just do it.  We need to stop being embarrassed about what comes naturally.  Be who you are and if others don’t like it, well, too bad for them!  So all you boys that date me, don’t be surprised if I walk around naked and pee in front of you.  Just saying.  One guy once asked me to pee on him … but that’s a different story …

So do you pee in front of your partner or do you find it horrid? I’d love to hear about it!

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse … make sure to visit the site to see all the great comments on this post!!

 

Here Kitty Kitty … Grab The Dating String and I’ll Lead You On

27 Apr

Ever felt like you were a cat trying to grab a string that someone else was dangling in front of you?  Ever felt like you were being led on by someone? Just when something seems within your reach it isn’t.  I certainly do! It’s happened to me often actually.  It made me think, is it them or is it me?  Are they sending out the wrong signals or am I reading them wrong?  But then again, I’m a pretty seasoned dater.  I have pretty good instincts (even if I ignore them sometimes).  Some people just like to rev the engines but don’t go anywhere.  I like to call them the “dating tease”.  So how do you avoid the dating “blue balls”?  Well, let’s explore this idea a little more.

Why do people do it? Well, before answering that, we do have to mention that sometimes it’s on purpose and other times it really isn’t.  Some people are just nice by nature and make others feel special and someone looking for that kind of attention might take it the wrong way.  I’m not talking about that kind of leading on, I’m talking about the person who will make you feel special and give you crumbs to keep you hanging on while having  no intention of being with you.  They don’t let you move on with your life but they also don’t let you close enough to feel like you are officially together.  Why do they do it? It’s simple, it’s because they can.

It’s really a selfish act.  They like the attention.  Chances are, too, that you’re not the only one they are leading on.  It could be they are confused and want to keep you there until they’re ready, but that’s still selfish.  Ladies, these are the “Mr. Big’s” of the world.  We all have one don’t we?  The one that makes us weak in the knees and ruins your day when you see them?  Not because they do anything, but just because they are the one thing you want that you can’t have.  Oh yes, I do have one.  You know who I’m talking about … Mr. R.  Sigh.  Selfish.  Selfish.  Selfish.

Personally, I try my best to be upfront and honest with men.  I either like you or I don’t.  I won’t pretend.  I treat others as I want to be treated.  For example, I was asked recently to go for a coffee and I told him that I don’t feel that we’re compatible but if he would like a friendly coffee I would be happy to.  He’s not my type, I don’t want to date him … even though I could use the male company, I won’t pretend just to satisfy my selfish need for companionship.  I have lots of friends to hang out with, I don’t need to use someone for my own purposes.  If I like you I do … I won’t hide it.  If I don’t like you in “that” way, you will know about it.  I can’t be bothered with playing games.

Feeling the urge to say “here kitty kitty”? Well unless you are actually playing with a cat, resist the urge … what goes around comes around … don’t treat people like that.  It’s not nice.  It’s hurtful. It’s shameful.  People who lead others on, especially on purpose, deserve a public shaming.  If you are going to date multiples, then be open and honest about it and don’t make someone feel like they are the only one.  Don’t forget about dating karma!

What do you think …


Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

I’m On Dating Strike and Here Are My Conditions!

24 Apr

How could that be you ask? Well after my experience with “Mr. Z” I decided I needed a dating break … that break became a dating strike. How could “Single Dating Diva” stop dating? Well, I did. I was tired … all my experiences certainly left a lot to be desired. I’m tired. I’ve lost faith in men. I have come to the point where I don’t trust anything that comes out of a man’s mouth … they could be telling the truth and I still don’t believe them. So I figured perhaps I needed to regroup before moving forward.

Have you ever been on a dating strike? I spoke to some people about it and they seemed to think it was necessary to step back sometimes in order to see the big picture. Sometimes we get so caught up in dating, especially serial daters like me, that we fail to see the red flags and warning signals that are blaringly apparent. I agree. Since my dating strike started almost 4 months ago, I have been re-assessing my priorities. I have also sharpened my dating tools. I am done with serial dating. I’m looking for someone I can be with, for real. The serial dating played its role. It allowed me to truly know what I want and don’t want in a mate. It helped me be true to myself and really learn what that meant. So I don’t regret my testing phase … but now that the testing is over the product is ready to be released for public consumption.

So what are my demands? What will it take for me to go back to dating? I want a guy who …

 

    1. keeps his word … no broken promises.
    2. treats me with respect.
    3. is open and honest.
    4. makes me a priority in his life.
    5. calls me when he says he’s going to call and lets me know if he is busy.
    6. makes me feel like the most attractive girl in the world.
    7. is proud to be with me.
    8. is established in his life.
    9. is attractive and takes care of himself.
    10. is a REAL MAN in every sense of the word!

Too much to ask? Nope, I don’t think so. I have had enough with men treating me badly. I don’t deserve that. I deserve to be happy and loved and respected. Every woman and man deserve that. We let too much slide in our lives. We let people walk all over us and take advantage of our kindness and trust. That’s why I’m on strike. The utter disregard for me and my feelings led me to believe that people just don’t care, they selfishly do what they want and forget that the person they are doing it to has feelings.

Well, I’m still on strike. I will remain on strike until my ten conditions are met. So are you out there? I am like Sleeping Beauty, waiting for her Prince to come and save her … waiting for MY happily ever after. I’m not settling for less. Are you?

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

Single and Dating Life: Wink Not, Want Not

21 Apr

What do you do when you get set up with a “great catch”? Well, you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot!  Here is a great dating story from Darcy Dates about just that very thing … but as we all know, sometimes the shiniest bling blinds us from the true imperfections of the gem …

He was tall. It’s really all that mattered to me from the get go. He also had a cool interesting job that wasn’t the typical wall street, lawyer, executive job. It was cool. It’s something you wanted to tell people about. It was a blind a date.

We met at a cool restaurant in the Meat Packing District. I love the Meat Packing District just as much as any bridge and tunneler does. For one, it is not my neighborhood, so it seems like a vacation from the mundane. I remember years ago, when I was in high school, all that was there other than prostitutes and meat carcass’ hanging on steel hooks was my very first nightclub I had ever been to. Mars. But now the Meatpacking is a completely different place.

I met Craig for our date. He was as tall as he claimed to be and cute, if you looked past the hair gel. He was a little too “outfitted” for me, and spared no mention that his “outfit” was from JohnVarvatos. I didn’t want to know that much about what he was wearing, other than, I was hoping he would remove his jacket, which he didn’t, because apparently it was part of the “outfit”.

The moment we sat at our table, the DJ, yes, there was an actual DJ with turn tables in the restaurant, started to increase the volume of the music. Craig informed me that he wanted to “kick the guys ass” and “shove his headphones down his throat”. I was taken aback. Is Craig trying to be funny and falling flat? Or does Craig have an anger problem? Craig was very twitchy and I casually asked if he dabbled in any recreational drugs. He assured me he didn’t. “Good. Drugs are a deal breaker for me.” I said.

Craig was also divorced, but had no children. Craig and his wife lived apart for work reasons a year into their marriage and Craig’s wife picked up a new beau. Craig was still angry about this, even though he pretended not to be. Craig quickly bragged that he got to keep all his money and got the ring back. These were things that I felt he should keep to himself. It made me a bit uncomfortable.

Soon a large party was seated next to us. One of the guys at the table went to take off his coat and Craig got pissed that the guy took his coat off so close to our table.

“HE HAD TO TAKE HIS COAT OFF RIGHT NEXT TO OUR TABLE? WTF” Craig said in a huff. Ah, anger problem, not trying to be funny, I thought. My next thought was I wish Craig would take his jacket off too.

Craig then tells me we will be going to another hot spot in the Meat Packing District for dessert. Craig knows every word to every song the DJ is playing. He sings along to every song and break dances with his upper body. I find it very uncomfortable and wish he would stop. Not so much the singing along, because I myself like to sing along with every song, and I would say I am almost an idiot savant of song lyrics, but I could do without the re-enactment of Breakin‘ 2, The Electric Bugaloo the entire meal.

Then the winking starts. Just a PSA to any men (or women) who may be reading this: If you must, a strategically placed wink in a conversation is acceptable. Several winks during said conversation is awkward and borders on socially unacceptable. Craig tells me after our dessert and the next location, we will go dancing. I am trying to formulate excuses to extract myself from the situation.

We get to our next destination. A very hot spot right now where it is nearly impossible to get a table. Craig knows the “bouncer” or “host” or whatever they call the man in charge. Maitre’Dmaybe? Who he gives a big bear hug to. He quickly shows Craig our table. As he walks through the restaurant all of the staff, waiters, hostesses, and bus boys are slapping his hand. It is a scene from Goodfella’s, Craig’s hair gel included. Craig tells me he brings people there for work all the time. Craig works with celebrities. That explains it.

We sit and Craig orders us dessert. He continues to wink at me incessantly, it is not a tick, he just thinks he is being sexy, and I ask him to take off his coat. He tells me it is part of his outfit and again mentions John Varvatos, but this time mentions that he spent 4k there earlier that day. I cringe.

The funny thing is, anger problem, hair gel and winking aside, Craig is a nice guy. Certainly a good-looking one. I felt like i was being hard on Craig. Craig tells me he has a confession to make. At this point nothing can shock me. He tells me he has a roommate. I am too tired to find it off-putting. He explains that when he moved back to the city post divorce he had his best friend live with him, “But I have the Master Bedroom, and Master Bathroom.” Of course, I think to myself, wondering why he would ever think that made a difference. Craig was a few years younger than me. Maybe this is what young single people do these days, I thought. I begin to yawn and tell Craig I should start heading home. Craig tells me he would never want me to take a cab this late at night and insists on driving me home. I think that is sweet and certainly makes him a gentleman. His apartment is literally on the corner and we can go pick up his car after dessert.

Craig asks me if I want to see his apartment which he is very proud of (obviously forgetting he is a grown man with a roommate). Out of morbid curiosity I oblige, “Only for a second” I say.

When we walked in, it was exactly how I expected it to look. It looked as though Huffman Koo’s threw up in his living room. Black leather couches, faux modern art in shades of brown and taupe, also probably bought at Huffman Koo’s or won on The Price is Right. “Very Nice”, I said through my teeth, “We should leave before the roommate returns.”

Craig drove me home, lip syncing and break dancing the whole way home. Craig keeps trying to book another date. I have yet to accept.

So is winking a sign that a guy likes you?  I just keep picturing the old “finger point and wink” … it’s all cheese baby!  He obviously thought himself a great catch, he was quite high on himself … in his eyes he was so cool.  Who cares what type of clothes you wear and where you live, don’t get me wrong, it’s all nice, but I’m of the opinion that people should just notice, you shouldn’t have to point it out.  But you know what, I think he was totally taken with our friend Darcy and was trying to impress her the only way he knew how … so should she give him another chance?  I would say yes, just to see what the second date was like … and the winking? Well, ask him if there’s something in his eye …

Make sure to check out http://darcydates.com/ for more great dating stories and follow her on Twitter! @jenakingsley

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Foreign Affairs

19 Apr

Many of us have this fantasy of going to some foreign land and meeting a tall, dark and handsome stranger who sweeps us off our feet with his irresistible charm and sexy accent.  Pinch me, I’m daydreaming again.  Well, don’t you wish that would happen … we all want to be alluring to someone else … we want them to see us and not be able to resist us.  Don’t say you don’t!  Foreign men generally are good at doing that, whether it’s sincere or not.  North American men, not so much.  So what happens when this is someone you meet while on vacation or online and they live a gazillion miles away from you?  Do you pursue it or just enjoy it for what it is at that time, have your foreign affair and then go home to your reality?  I sometimes wonder.

Being a blogger who has a following from all over the world, I am lucky to be able to meet a lot of great men from many interesting places.  Men who I wouldn’t have met otherwise.  Some of these men are totally what I’m looking for.  One problem, they’re from the land of far far away.  So what’s a girl to do?  Pursue something that’s going to be a challenge?  It’s hard to decide.  I guess it depends on the person and your personal needs.  But can one of these relationships actually work?

Would You Move for a Foreign Affair?

Well in order for it to work someone has to move eventually.  Would I be willing to do that? Give up my whole life, family and friends for a new life?  Well, I’ve always said I need a life overhaul, but I’m not sure if I could give up my family.  I guess I wouldn’t be giving them up per se, but it would be a challenge for me.  These are all things I do think about.  It’s a hard choice; I don’t know how people do it.  It’s funny because before I met my ex-husband I was planning to move to Europe, I had some job interviews and things were moving in that direction.  Then I met him and thought perhaps it wasn’t meant for me to move.  I know a few people who had moved for love and were happy.  One of my best friends moved to Europe to be with her husband, and although she misses her family and friends, she has adjusted very well and is happy.  Most people I know, however, had moved here to be with their “love”.

I guess it’s all about how badly you want to be with the person and if this is the one for you.  Then the lonely nights and separation anxiety is worth it.  With today’s technology it’s not as challenging to be apart.  I mean, I spend most nights alone anyway, so what’s the difference?  Hmm … well you don’t know unless you try, right?  OK, it’s decided, I think I’m going to book a trip to Europe to find my tall, dark and handsome … I speak English, French, Arabic and Italian … that includes most places, so I’m covered!  But seriously, I believe if something is meant to be it will be, regardless of the challenges.  So if you meet “the one” you want to grow old with then you will make it happen.  Then it WILL happen.  Just believe.  Perhaps love does conquer all … perhaps.

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

The Challenges of Ethnic Dating

14 Apr

If you are from any type of ethnic background then you know what I’m talking about.  Dating rules change … wait a minute, dating? Who said anything about dating?  Most of us who come from ethnic backgrounds and are children of immigrant parents don’t know this word – dating.  You’re expected to meet someone from your community (perhaps “arranged”), get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Is that even realistic anymore?  Maybe 30 years ago, sure … even 15 years ago.  Not anymore, particularly in our global environment.  It’s getting harder and harder to meet someone, let alone from your community.  Why? Well, people have changed and so has the world.

I’m from a Middle Eastern background.  My parents immigrated to Canada almost 40 years ago, got married and had children and are living out their lives in what I like to call the “expectations box”.  My brother is living happily ever after in his “expectations box” and I am extremely happy for him and love his children like they are my own.  Me, on the other hand, did not fit quite so well in the box.  I’m a bit of a wild child and I tried to do what was expected of me and got married, but ended up divorced.  Like I said the “expectations box” just isn’t my style.

So what happened when I got divorced?  Well, my expectation was that I would be shunned by the community.

Turns out that wasn’t the case at all.

People were quite supportive and friendly about the whole thing.  Where I am encountering challenges is in the dating world.  Apparently, because I am divorced I am automatically easy bait for married men and players in my culture.  Since I’m “used goods” they think they don’t have to worry about not taking me seriously.  Or there are the ones who think now I am accessible to them because of my “situation” even though they have nothing to offer me. I have a dilemma, I prefer dating men of my own ethnic background.  I just do, no offense to any other, but I just like a guy who speaks my language, likes my music, likes my TV shows and likes my food.  It’s just easier for me.  Not that I don’t date others, but I just have a preference.  It’s definitely been a challenge.

Back to ethnic dating.

It’s quite a different world, there are many “secret” encounters, even when you’re older, because if the family gets involved it’s automatically deemed serious.  I wasn’t allowed to date, ever, I just did it (remember, wild child).  It was a taboo to even talk to boys until I was in University.  It was school first and then I could think about everything else. Many others of all ethnic backgrounds can relate.  There are many more pressures we have to face, but it’s just because our families want the best for us, on their terms of course, but the best nonetheless.

More and more people, however, are choosing to have relationships outside their ethnic circle, particularly in culturally diverse countries such as Canada, the USA and England.  It’s becoming more and more about who the person is rather than what they are and where they are from.  This globalized dating world is the way of the future.  Ideally it means the melding of cultures and the increase of tolerance.  We are getting there, one generation at a time.

So what to do? Well I will keep trying.  I don’t give up.  I always try to think positive.  That’s the important thing when you’re dating.  It’s not always easy, but you learn about yourself. One important thing I learned is to be true to myself.  Not to let others dictate what I do and who I do it with. I have learned to be proud of not being in the “expectations box” but I had to learn that the hard way.  It’s OK … I still learned.

So what do you do when faced with a dating challenge, get up, dust yourself off and keep walking with your head held high!  After all, you are who you are and no one can change that … so be proud and be the best you that you can be!!!  Sound cheesy? Well, bring on the cheese baby … now where’s that bottle of wine?

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Bewildered Bug

Testers versus Keepers in Dating

11 Apr

I recently had a conversation with someone about my dating woes, he had read my blogs and had surmised that my troubles stemmed from the fact that I was deemed a “tester” rather than a “keeper”. Initially, I was offended, but then, I thought, perhaps he was right. The thought had crossed my mind before. Perhaps he was right. I thought I always was a keeper … what changed? Well, my serial dating for one. I had been going out with a lot of people … if you read my blog you know that I had gone through all the letters of the alphabet, plus others I didn’t mention. That’s at least 30 in less than a year. Mind you, some were “one date wonders” and others were longer term, but that is a big number. But is there a “right” number? And what makes someone a “keeper” and not a “tester”? Where do you fit in? Here are some ideas …

Tester

  • Easy to get, easy to keep, you don’t have to try very hard with them
  • Gives you everything you want right away
  • You can read them
  • Appears to just want to have fun
  • Not a person you bring home to mom
  • Not a person you introduce to your friends
  • See them when you feel like it
  • Not worth the effort


Keeper

  • Plays hard to get
  • Keeps you wondering
  • You can’t mess around
  • The type of person you are proud to introduce to your family and friends
  • You can’t wait until the next time you speak and see them
  • Making them happy makes you happy

Upon reflection, yes, I’ve been a tester. So is there anything wrong with being a “tester”, not at all, if that’s where you want to be … after all isn’t dating a test? I was testing too, to find out what, and who, I really wanted, especially after my divorce. Aren’t you trying people on for size too? Sure you are … I am, I admit it. Some guys I dated were testers for me. Sometimes, you don’t see each other the same, like a tester thinking of the other as a keeper. That’s happened to me. But really, I want to be a keeper with a guy who is a keeper as well and thinks I am a keeper … so, I will keep testing, but now that I know what I want, I won’t just go out there for the fun of it … or will I?

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on The Dating Sauce

Open Relationships and My Chat With Dr. Ruth

9 Apr IMG-20120404-00224_3

Open relationships seem to be the new trend … we seem to hear about it more and more lately.  Why? I can’t say, but I do know that particularly successful, established men in their 30′s and 40′s seem to feel the need to expand their repertoire to include more than their significant other.  Recently, a survey in Canada revealed that Ottawa (the capitol city, and where I live) was ranked the cheating capital of Canada.  Basically, the most cheaters in all the land.  Makes me so proud. But I wasn’t surprised one bit.  Why not?  Because dating in this environment had already led me to the same conclusion, that it was impossible to find a guy who really wanted a monogamous relationship in Ottawa.  I had been approached by countless married men, dated an engaged one unknowingly and found that online dating sites were full of men who were just looking to play.  My friends and others I’ve spoken to have encountered the same experiences.  Why does no one want to commit?  Are open relationships the way of the future?  Are we going against our nature being monogamous?  All valid questions that I don’t have an answer to.  So I went looking for the answer!

I heard Dr. Ruth Westheimer was in town visiting her son and was going to be at a local book store to speak about her new book Sexually Speaking: What Every Woman Needs to Know about Sexual Health. My friend and I decided to go, we didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see the legend speak!  She certainly didn’t disappoint! I have to say I admire her energy and candor, especially being 80+ years old, which is why I thought she could answer my question about “open relationships” … if anyone knew she would, right?  After she made us all say “orgasm” and “clitoris” she spoke about her book, her life and sexuality in general and told us all to masturbate, especially before going out on a date or to a bar/club to avoid one night stands and random sexual encounters. She encouraged positive sexual habits within a trusting, mutually beneficial environment.  It’s all good if everyone’s happy.  Then when she opened it up for questions, I saw this as my opportunity … I asked:

“dating in your 30′s and 40′s seems to have new implications, open relationships are becoming more common and somehow have become “normal” and expected from many men I meet … what are your thoughts on this?”

She liked my question so much I got a prize! Well, I guess she’s heard it all before but this one had a special place in her heart.  She  immediately said she didn’t agree with the concept.  She went on to talk about relationships needing growth and understanding between two people who work together over time.  When you are in a relationship, she said, you are that person’s “significant other” (with a focus on the word significant) and how can you be their significant other if there’s more than one?  I do agree with her, but what do you do when you are faced with no other alternative?  Well, she thinks you should not enter that type of situation to begin with.  I went to speak and take a picture with her after her talk and asked her “Dr. Ruth, so what should I say if a guy asks be to be in an open relationship?” She said out loud, in her accent, “Tell them Dr. Ruth said NO!! and tell them I said they can do it in their minds!!” … we had some good laughs and I thanked her for having my back and for her great advice.

So there you go ladies and gents … open relationships are NOT a good idea!! But they do happen and some people are OK with it … so make your own choices, but never do anything you feel isn’t right for you.  As I always say BE TRUE TO YOU!!!

You can follow Dr. Ruth on Twitter here: @AskDrRuth or visit her Web Site here: http://www.drruth.com/

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Top 5 Reasons You Should Date Me

5 Apr

OK, so I am going to blow my own horn here.  I’ve been doing this dating thing for a while now.  Sometimes successfully, sometimes horribly not.  But, I have learned a lot about who I am and what I want in a person.  I have also learned to be true to me … what does that mean?  It means not to settle for what isn’t right for me and that I don’t need to be a “couple” to be happy and fulfilled.

 So why should you date me?  Here’s why:

  1. I am educated, intelligent and well travelled … I have a lot of life experience and love to share that with others without being snobby about it.
  2. I am attractive, healthy and fit … I take great pride in living a healthy lifestyle which includes eating right and exercising.
  3. I am compassionate and caring … I always try and take care of others as well as myself and when I am with someone I treat them like they are the king of the world (as long as I am their queen).
  4. I have a positive outlook on life and like to influence others positively … I try my best to always look at the glass as half full rather than half empty and try and inspire that in others as well … I always say “positive attitude attracts positive events”.
  5. I am lots of fun in every way (perhaps a little wild) … wouldn’t you like to know? I never shy away from some fun and excitement no matter what (or where) it is … and I love to laugh and try everything once, more if I like it!
Have I convinced you? Or perhaps scared you away? Well … I think each person should blow their own horn.  How can you expect others to want to date you if you wouldn’t date yourself?  So go ahead, make a list, why should someone date you?  It will help you promote yourself better when online dating.  I would love to see your list, so please share!

Happy Dating!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse

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