I think the courtesans of the past were on to something. What is a courtesan you ask? Well, pretty much a glorified prostitute or escort. But it’s not about the sex … no it’s so much more. The courtesans were the feminists of their day. Yes, you heard me right, feminists. Why? Because they were educated, well read, were allowed in the man’s world and could hold a conversation and debate with others without batting an eyelash … what’s more is that they were celebrated for it. These courtesans played a very important role in the courts and high society of their day. Although they were “kept” women, they were very independent. However, they were only as good as their skills. They provided companionship to those who were seeking it. Companionship they couldn’t get from their spouse because of societal constraints about what was proper and not proper. It was expected of the courtesan to be attractive, well-dressed, intelligent and talented (in and out of bed). She was expected to be the ideal women to make all women envious and make all men crave her.
So what does this have to do with modern-day dating? A lot. Not too long ago one of my ex’s said to me that when we were together I made him feel like a king … like superman. I asked him why is that? He said because I really made him feel like he was special, like he was a real man and that I was intelligent and an ideal companion. I made him feel like his wish was my command in every way and I would give him what he needed before he even knew he needed it. Wow, I said … that’s why we’re not together eh? Actually, we’re not together because we were “mismatched”, not right for each other. So I thought about what he said. It isn’t the first time a man tells me that. But then again, I make a point of making my men feel very important. It is essential to me that my man feels like the luckiest man in the world. It doesn’t mean that our relationship will work out, but I certainly ALWAYS leave a lasting impression (in more ways than one!).
It’s not being less of a woman if you do this … actually you are, in my opinion, being more feminine and allowing him to be more masculine. It is also essential for me that my man be a REAL MAN … that means he act like one … the way I ensure he acts like one is to treat him like one. Plain and simple. In turn he treats me like a real woman. I said before … women need to go back to their femininity in order for men to go back to being chivalrous. Go back to the way things were. Men aren’t gentlemen anymore … it’s quite rare. Women aren’t ladies anymore … let’s go back to that.
How do you get him to court the courtesan? Here are some tips (and no it doesn’t have to include feeding him grapes while fanning him!):
- always be happy to see him … have a smile on your face … greet him with a kiss
- always look and smell your best when you see him … it means no bumming around and wear sexy things to bed … be his arm candy ALWAYS
- don’t nag and complain all the time … if you need to discuss something do it in a sweet way and make him think it’s his idea
- always have his favorite food, snack, drink on hand … and have it ready for him
- be a wild woman in bed … don’t just lie there … try something new and exciting … wear lingerie
- never EVER compare him to ANYONE else … make him think he’s the best thing since sliced bread
- don’t EVER put him down or call him names … even when you’re angry
- listen to him and give him his space when he needs it … that means don’t text him 100 times before noon
- learn about the things he’s interested in … be able to have an intelligent conversation with him
- give him a massage … pamper him
- be a little mysterious … don’t tell him EVERYTHING about you … keep him guessing
- and if you want to feed him grapes while fanning him who am I to stop you!!
Those are just a few things I do. Now it doesn’t at all mean that I expect anything less from my man, but I found the more I spoiled them the better they treated me. It doesn’t guarantee their undying love or devotion, obviously relationships take a lot of work and have more components than just this, but this certainly helps.
I like treating my man like a king … that’s just who I am … I like being courtesan-like … but that’s just me. Try it, you never know it might just be the one thing that’s missing in your relationship or it might get you that guy you’ve wanted for a long time.
What do they say? A whore in bed and an angel outside? Yup … be her!!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
These gals were angels in the kitchen, knockouts in the drawing room, and, y’know, ahem…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hetaera
It’s nice when women make an effort. But no one, male or female, should make too much effort – unless your aspiration is to be a doormat.
yes, you’re right Andy … no one deserves to be a doormat … but everyone deserves to be spoiled!
I personally love this post. Many women stroll through the dating scene with an air of entitlement; because I’m a woman all I have to do is show up! Then these women bitch and complain about why they’re still single. As I see it, this post is not about being fake or sacrificing yourself it’s about putting effort into someone who inspires you, so he can see that YOU are also worth his effort.
Thanks so much!! Yes I agree … we need to spoil and be spoiled!!
A tall order, but some of them I like! Just don’t lose yourself too much in trying to please him. Women need to sit back more and receive a little, as opposed to giving too much, especially in the beginning of the dating process. John Gray writes about this. Of course, everyone is different, but I do think when women try too hard to impress and give in the beginning, a man can feel overwhelmed.
Thanks for the comment Neely. I totally agree, it does go both ways, women need to be spoiled too. It should come naturally that you want to do things to make your partner happy, it shouldn’t be an effort, if it is an effort then I think it’s a symptom of something bigger.
I love the old stories of the courtesans. They embodied how many women prefer to be today – although they didn’t cook… and they had “dressers” to make sure they were always pretty and presentable… lol Would that I have a cook and a dresser. HA! Thanks darling. I think I’ll go put on my bustle now…
I love a good courtesan story … love that movie “Dangerous Beauty” about Venetian courtesan Veronica Franco. I think I need a cook and a dresser too!! But they did lead quite a lifestyle that most would love to have, cosmopolitan women of their day?
<3 Dangerous Beauty!
watching it right now! I pulled it out!! LOL!!
Holy CRAP sister! Those are some lofty goals… and WAY too many “always”es… lol. I say be confident in who you are, FEEL that you ARE DAMN sexy and it will emit that. KNOW that he is a man and REQUIRE it of him, and he will thank you for it!
LOVE IT!! But man oh man, I can’t live by lists! LOL
Ya lots of rules aren’t they and knowing me breaking them is probably the norm, but when a guy inspires you to want to spoil him then you’re on to something good … of course I expect the same in return!!!
I agree! It doesn’t feel like a “list” if your partner brings it out in you!