One nasty by-product of being single (whether you’re divorced or not) is having to see past loves as well as others move on with their lives while you are seemingly moving at a snail’s pace, or, not at all. I had to deal with that on the get go after my divorce when my ex-husband met another woman a few months after I sent him packing and they now live together. Don’t get me wrong, she is welcome to him, I don’t want him back … but still. Several of my ex’s have moved on to happier and more fulfilling relationships. It makes you think … why am I still single and why do they get to live their happy ever after?
Where I’m At
When I was reflecting on this the past few days, it dawned on me that this relationship business is like a race. Stay with me here … a race is a competition of who can get to the finish line first. You prepare yourself, you get hyped up, you have hope of finishing first, then once the race begins it’s “every person for themselves”. So, what does that have to do with me? Well, I saw a friend of mine on the bus last week and she was telling me about her wonderful life. She got married around the same time as me, but unlike me, she had kids and is living her happily ever after. So, here’s my analogy. I trained for the race and, like with everything else in my life, I did everything in my power to ensure I succeeded. I started this crazy race with several of my peers, when the pistol sounded off we went. I was in the lead for a long time, then, I tripped and fell. I got up, but I was severely injured, so I’ve been moving slowly. Unfortunately, instead of helping me move forward and lifting me higher, the men I’ve met and dated have tripped me and I keep falling over again and again. Other peers started the race much later than me and they are now bypassing me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel sorry for myself and I am very happy for them. I am an extremely strong person and I keep pushing forward regardless, slow or not. I have some great people in my life who are doing their best to keep me up, but they have their own lives and their own race. So friends, that’s where I’m at.
Where I Want To Be
I want to be with someone, but the right someone. I won’t settle for less than what I deserve. I won’t waste my time with someone who isn’t right for me. I’ve settled before, NEVER again. I’m not being unreasonable, I’m being realistic. I would like to have a child, but I’m being realistic that it just might not happen. I want a life companion first and foremost … not looking for the husband and a white picket fence. I want someone to share my crazy and adventurous life with. Too much to ask for? Nope, I don’t think so. I’m far from perfect, but I have a lot of great things to offer the right person who has a lot of great things to offer me. Plain. Simple.
Being Happy for “Them”
When it comes to being happy for others, I have absolutely no problem. I’m not a jealous person and I don’t wish bad things on people. I might be sad sometimes that someone has something I want, but not jealous of them. I really do wish everyone the best. Being jealous of what someone else has is a waste of energy. Instead of being jealous you need to work hard at getting it for yourself. Everyone is living their story, you need to live yours. By choosing to be happy for someone else you bring that positive energy to yourself. As Yehuda Berg recently said “when we make the effort to be happy for another’s blessing, something amazing happens. We remove the block that kept our own fulfillment from manifesting, and we can now attract the very thing that we desire.” We need to stop focusing on others and look inward.
What About Being Happy For An Ex?
That’s another story right? I think there’s no black or white answer here. It’s kind of grey area territory. Why? Because it really depends on your relationship with them and how things ended. If there wasn’t closure or things ended badly, I don’t care how saintly you are you rarely will be happy for them. For me, generally, if things ended peacefully then I don’t care what they are doing, I’m indifferent. If things ended in a not so positive way, then I find it very difficult to be happy for them. I’m a forgiver but not a forgetter, especially if I see them doing the thing they promised to me with this new person. They build you up and then knock you down. It hurts, I won’t lie. Broken promises, lies, all lead to bitterness, and I know it’s not right to be bitter, you need to let go blah blah blah, but I can’t always do that so easily. Perhaps it’s my ego, perhaps it’s my heart that hasn’t completely healed yet, perhaps it’s me wondering why them and not me? But I can’t be happy for them. Maybe one day, but not today. I never take anyone back, you know that, and don’t want any of my ex’s back, it’s not about that. The best they will get from me at this point is indifference. Take it or leave it.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva