My friend Gina Kerrigan from Cupid’s Laboratory gives us some great tips on the how to reject that unwanted pickup! Enjoy!
Some guys on dating sites make it so easy to say get lost. In fact, in my own online dating career, insulting libidinous cretins with with words too difficult for their meager understanding became something of a hobby for me. But then, there are those men who really do try to get it right. They send a polite intro, they refer to a few of your interests. Heck, they might even throw in a halfway witty joke.
Yet, you’re just not interested. The reason doesn’t much matter—he simply does not meet your criteria. What do you do next?
I have one friend who ignores introductory gestures from men she’s not interested in. She’s busy—and, she reasons, no stranger is entitled to even a crumb of her time.
At the other end of the spectrum is a dating profile client who admitted she actually encouraged men she was not interested in—sending replies to their questions and leaving the door open to further communication.
“One of the men was a widower and just looked so sad,” she told me. “Kind of reminded me of that cartoon character Droopy Dog.”
Well, I commented, he’ll probably be even droopier when you reject him AFTER being saddened by him in person.
For the busy woman who believes every nice intro merits a reply (as I do), here’s a formula to speed you through polite rejections. It applies the time-tested principle of kiss-kick-kiss.
It’s simple and oh-so-easy to remember. I’ll use Droopy Dog as an example.
Begin with a “kiss” of appreciation, inserting one actual reference to his intro or profile.
“Dear Droopy Dog,
Thank you so much for reaching out and for telling me a little bit about yourself—and congratulations on winning first prize for your planter-grown deck zucchinis. What an interesting and unusual hobby.”
Next, conveniently sandwiched between the soft Wonder bread slices of appreciation comes the meat of your message. The “kick,” if you will. Keep it brief, and try to focus more on logistical/lifestyle matters than on personal characteristics.
“As I mentioned in my profile, I have two kids in high school. Dating men with young children is not a good lifestyle fit for me.”
And then the final kiss of good wishes—preferably with a nice little reference to what he’s looking for.
“I wish you every good thing as you seek out opportunities to meet up with other Scrabble enthusiasts and planter gardeners.“
Easy, right? Good then. No more ignoring perfectly nice people. And no more pity dates with Droopy Dog, either.
Thank you Gina!! Definitely some great tips!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Gina Kerrigan is a relationship blogger who encourages midlife chicks to write their own cheeky dating rules. She draws from her experience as a high school and college writing instructor in teaching women how to create truly individual online dating profiles. You can download her free guide to writing a kickass profile on her blog home page: www.cupidslaboratory.com. Follow her on Twitter at @GinaKerrigan or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cupidslaboratory