Have you ever been told that you’re too picky and that’s why you’re single? I have. But I don’t think I am, I think I’m being selective. I’ve found myself asking the question “To Settle or Not To Settle” every time I meet someone new. I always choose not to settle. Why? Well, that’s how I got into the wrong marriage and wrong relationships before. I knew what I wanted and needed in a partner but I ignored it because I didn’t want to be alone. Settling was the wrong decision for me and I’m not going to make that mistake again.
Is There Something Better?
There definitely is. As hard as it is to imagine, especially if you’re single and having a hard time finding someone, there is something better out there. There has to be. Why settle for less? It’s not worth it. I truly believe that anyone can have just any significant other in their life if they are willing to forego their standards. Is that really worth it? I’m not saying be picky, but each and every one of us has certain things that we won’t budge on and that’s OK. There are also things that are “nice to have’s” that might be seen as superficial, like hair color or even baldness that perhaps we should overlook but, really, that’s up to you.
Finding the right someone is definitely much more difficult than finding just anyone. These days it seems like it’s becoming even harder, or is it just me? It seems that many who SAY they want a real relationship much prefer casual relationships rather than something real. There are also those who are looking for the thunderbolt kind of love that they won’t settle for less. Not sure who’s right or who’s wrong here, all I know is that I am holding out for something better than what’s I’ve gotten so far. Although I love being single and enjoy dating tremendously, I really want to find a partner, but the RIGHT partner, not just any partner.
What Is Happiness Really?
I recently was listening to a TED Talk by Psychologist Barry Schwartz about the “Secret of Happiness” and what he said resonated with me. He said that “the secret of happiness is low expectations” (huh!?), then after all the laughs he said that, really the secret to happiness is realistic and modest expectations. I have to say I agree with him. How many times do we invest too much, too fast into something we think we want and then dump a truck full of expectations on an unsuspecting potential partner only to scare them away? I know I’ve done it, and, I know you’ve done it too. He goes on to say that the reason we’re unhappy is because we have too many choices and we don’t know what to choose anymore because what if something better comes along. All these choices allow us to do better, but, ultimately, make us feel worse because our expectations increase and this produces less satisfaction with the results we do get. He says that “with so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all.” I think this definitely rings true in the dating world.
Expectation is the Root of all Heartache ~William Shakespeare
The Cost of Holding Out For Something Better
I recently read this and found it profoundly true … I just had to share it with you as is …
“Men frequently refuse to commit to one relationship because they don’t want to limit their choices. Often they will be in the midst of spending time with and enjoying a particular woman, and don’t have any other opportunities to consider. Still, they are eager to remain uncommitted on the off chance that a better alternative will soon present itself. In an era when it’s not difficult to hookup with strangers, that better option may be only a weekend away. Of course, he won’t commit to that woman either, and on and on it goes.
Women fall into a variation of the same trap. We meet a guy, enjoy his company,want to like him. But we find we just can’t make it happen. He may have lots of good qualities, but he’s not the catch we dreamed of as we watched The Notebook again last weekend. We want an all-consuming, passionate love, but how many couples do you know like that? How many couples have been brought together by a powerful romantic destiny? In my own life, I don’t know any. I know many happy couples, but they’re not storybook relationships. They’re imperfect, messy, real and rewarding.”
So there you go. Holding out isn’t always the best choice, but you need to decide for yourself if you are being reasonable and if giving that certain someone a chance is worth it for you. Maybe it is. Maybe they are the right someone but you just haven’t seen it yet. It’s really your decision and yours alone.
Are you holding out for something better? How has that worked for you? Do you feel you’re being reasonable? Is the secret to happiness low expectations? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva