Tag Archives: Single and Dating Life

Single and Dating Life: Wink Not, Want Not

21 Apr

What do you do when you get set up with a “great catch”? Well, you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot!  Here is a great dating story from Darcy Dates about just that very thing … but as we all know, sometimes the shiniest bling blinds us from the true imperfections of the gem …

He was tall. It’s really all that mattered to me from the get go. He also had a cool interesting job that wasn’t the typical wall street, lawyer, executive job. It was cool. It’s something you wanted to tell people about. It was a blind a date.

We met at a cool restaurant in the Meat Packing District. I love the Meat Packing District just as much as any bridge and tunneler does. For one, it is not my neighborhood, so it seems like a vacation from the mundane. I remember years ago, when I was in high school, all that was there other than prostitutes and meat carcass’ hanging on steel hooks was my very first nightclub I had ever been to. Mars. But now the Meatpacking is a completely different place.

I met Craig for our date. He was as tall as he claimed to be and cute, if you looked past the hair gel. He was a little too “outfitted” for me, and spared no mention that his “outfit” was from JohnVarvatos. I didn’t want to know that much about what he was wearing, other than, I was hoping he would remove his jacket, which he didn’t, because apparently it was part of the “outfit”.

The moment we sat at our table, the DJ, yes, there was an actual DJ with turn tables in the restaurant, started to increase the volume of the music. Craig informed me that he wanted to “kick the guys ass” and “shove his headphones down his throat”. I was taken aback. Is Craig trying to be funny and falling flat? Or does Craig have an anger problem? Craig was very twitchy and I casually asked if he dabbled in any recreational drugs. He assured me he didn’t. “Good. Drugs are a deal breaker for me.” I said.

Craig was also divorced, but had no children. Craig and his wife lived apart for work reasons a year into their marriage and Craig’s wife picked up a new beau. Craig was still angry about this, even though he pretended not to be. Craig quickly bragged that he got to keep all his money and got the ring back. These were things that I felt he should keep to himself. It made me a bit uncomfortable.

Soon a large party was seated next to us. One of the guys at the table went to take off his coat and Craig got pissed that the guy took his coat off so close to our table.

“HE HAD TO TAKE HIS COAT OFF RIGHT NEXT TO OUR TABLE? WTF” Craig said in a huff. Ah, anger problem, not trying to be funny, I thought. My next thought was I wish Craig would take his jacket off too.

Craig then tells me we will be going to another hot spot in the Meat Packing District for dessert. Craig knows every word to every song the DJ is playing. He sings along to every song and break dances with his upper body. I find it very uncomfortable and wish he would stop. Not so much the singing along, because I myself like to sing along with every song, and I would say I am almost an idiot savant of song lyrics, but I could do without the re-enactment of Breakin‘ 2, The Electric Bugaloo the entire meal.

Then the winking starts. Just a PSA to any men (or women) who may be reading this: If you must, a strategically placed wink in a conversation is acceptable. Several winks during said conversation is awkward and borders on socially unacceptable. Craig tells me after our dessert and the next location, we will go dancing. I am trying to formulate excuses to extract myself from the situation.

We get to our next destination. A very hot spot right now where it is nearly impossible to get a table. Craig knows the “bouncer” or “host” or whatever they call the man in charge. Maitre’Dmaybe? Who he gives a big bear hug to. He quickly shows Craig our table. As he walks through the restaurant all of the staff, waiters, hostesses, and bus boys are slapping his hand. It is a scene from Goodfella’s, Craig’s hair gel included. Craig tells me he brings people there for work all the time. Craig works with celebrities. That explains it.

We sit and Craig orders us dessert. He continues to wink at me incessantly, it is not a tick, he just thinks he is being sexy, and I ask him to take off his coat. He tells me it is part of his outfit and again mentions John Varvatos, but this time mentions that he spent 4k there earlier that day. I cringe.

The funny thing is, anger problem, hair gel and winking aside, Craig is a nice guy. Certainly a good-looking one. I felt like i was being hard on Craig. Craig tells me he has a confession to make. At this point nothing can shock me. He tells me he has a roommate. I am too tired to find it off-putting. He explains that when he moved back to the city post divorce he had his best friend live with him, “But I have the Master Bedroom, and Master Bathroom.” Of course, I think to myself, wondering why he would ever think that made a difference. Craig was a few years younger than me. Maybe this is what young single people do these days, I thought. I begin to yawn and tell Craig I should start heading home. Craig tells me he would never want me to take a cab this late at night and insists on driving me home. I think that is sweet and certainly makes him a gentleman. His apartment is literally on the corner and we can go pick up his car after dessert.

Craig asks me if I want to see his apartment which he is very proud of (obviously forgetting he is a grown man with a roommate). Out of morbid curiosity I oblige, “Only for a second” I say.

When we walked in, it was exactly how I expected it to look. It looked as though Huffman Koo’s threw up in his living room. Black leather couches, faux modern art in shades of brown and taupe, also probably bought at Huffman Koo’s or won on The Price is Right. “Very Nice”, I said through my teeth, “We should leave before the roommate returns.”

Craig drove me home, lip syncing and break dancing the whole way home. Craig keeps trying to book another date. I have yet to accept.

So is winking a sign that a guy likes you?  I just keep picturing the old “finger point and wink” … it’s all cheese baby!  He obviously thought himself a great catch, he was quite high on himself … in his eyes he was so cool.  Who cares what type of clothes you wear and where you live, don’t get me wrong, it’s all nice, but I’m of the opinion that people should just notice, you shouldn’t have to point it out.  But you know what, I think he was totally taken with our friend Darcy and was trying to impress her the only way he knew how … so should she give him another chance?  I would say yes, just to see what the second date was like … and the winking? Well, ask him if there’s something in his eye …

Make sure to check out http://darcydates.com/ for more great dating stories and follow her on Twitter! @jenakingsley

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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Single and Dating Life: The Curse of Casual Dating … a “Crazy Man” story

31 Mar

In this guest post by Julia (@ManManipulator) she speaks about her “Crazy Man” story.  At first it seemed like a “fairy tale romance” come to life … but when the spell wore off she started seeing things as they really were.  It’s really too bad the clock will always strike midnight, whether we like it or not, and the truth will always come to light.

People don’t go crazy because they are angry, malicious, or have a few loose screws. Mostly, it’s because they’re lonely.

As a chick, if you’re dating a lonely guy, you only see the good parts of that. He calls back quickly. He calls a lot. He’s available—something any of us who have been out there long enough and played the, when will he call? when will he ask me out again? game know is hard to find.

The first guy I fell in love with was crazy. I mean, 3X attempted suicide and had a tab at his local rehab. I didn’t know any of this when I began dating him, of course.

All I could see was that he was all about me. After the first date he texted: “When do I get to kidnap you?”  I was too deprived of that kind of attention to even want to consider there was something wrong with that type of attention.

After the third date it was:  “I’ve never felt this way about someone so quickly.” Again, after letting too many guys drag me along and “keep it casual” until the day they realized, they never intended to get serious with me, I welcomed this type of sentiment. The little whisper in the back of my head that said that’s not NORmaaal….”—I told it to shut up.

I told it to shut up often. When he introduced me to his parents after only two weeks. When he wanted to go away together after only three weeks. When he told me he loved me after only two months. I had gotten so used to telling that little whisper to shut up that that’s exactly what I did when he told me he’d rather I wasn’t friends with any males, and had me unfriend my close guy friends on Facebook. And went through my Facebook messages and emails regularly.

That’s not NORmaaal….  Shut up.

I was fawned over. He was passionate about me. He wanted me to be all his. It was addictive.  Over time, the things that were not normal piled up. He would suddenly ask for “alone time” and lock himself in his room for an hour, hysterically crying.  His parents, whom he was civil with in the beginning, he began to say god-awful things about. He had god-awful things suddenly to say about everyone, including his “best friends” he’d introduced me to.

Before I knew it, he never wanted to leave his apartment. He didn’t want me to leave his apartment. And I was madly in love. This progression probably sounds odd, but I can explain. He was, quite simply, one of those people who didn’t love himself. And who thought that having someone else love him would fix everything.  He was depressed. He had a horrible relationship with his parents. He had major jealousy issues of his friends—if they were happy, successful, in love, he was jealous.  He was just a deeply insecure person and he turned that terror outward by obsessing over the women he dated. And then, controlling them. And then realizing, once again, that someone else couldn’t fix him. And that he couldn’t ignore the problems in his life much longer. But he would try, by taking a firmer grip on his girlfriend. As his own issues and insecurities began to surround him, he would just reach for the girl in his life more. I was the problem. I was the insecure one. I was cheating (apparently). He was FINE!  

It was very hard to untangle myself from this toxic relationship.  There was so much that was unsaid between us. So much arguing. And so much of what I just didn’t know what was real anymore—when I was the crazy one, or when he was.  Was I too flirty with that bartender? Was my best male friend actually madly in love with me and trying to split my guy and me up? Had I begun dressing too provocatively?  My guy was so good at spinning my head around to the point where I didn’t know the answers to these questions anymore—these accusations.

Luckily, body helped me. I had my first every anxiety attack while I was with this guy. And they only progressed. They become debilitating, to the point where I’d need to lie down every thirty minutes when I was around him.  I couldn’t ignore that, and I ended it.

But, not everyone could be so lucky and that’s point of this story. We live in the era of casual dating. Of men holding onto the word “girlfriend” for dear life, only releasing it onto you if you’ve after you’ve been dragged around by them, confused, ignored, then loved, for months—even years sometimes. We can become so hectic for passion, that we can become blinded by it when it comes our way—like I was.

Be grateful for the men who want to take it slow. They are stable.

Great advice! I totally agree … sometimes we are so eager to be loved that our loneliness allows us to let go of common sense and to rationalize bad behavior.  I totally agree … a guy who wants to move too fast, who says “I love you” too fast and who wants to be your whole world before you’ve even explored a 1/4 of theirs has some sort of underlying problem.  Pinch yourself, and pinch hard, heck I’ll even pinch you.  It’s not worth it.  You deserve someone mentally stable.  Don’t settle!

You can follow Julia’s great insights on Twitter @ManManipulator and her video blog here: http://themanmanipulator.com/.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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Single and Dating Life: The “Dare to Compare” Interview

24 Mar

Whatever happened to just getting to know someone? Some people choose to set their standards so high that no one can meet them.  Some men, and some women, have what I like to call the “Interview” in which they tick of their checklist of unattainable things they want in their prospective mate.  I’m all about the not settling, but sometimes people just take it too far.  That’s what happened to a friend of mine.

She met this handsome, sexy, divorced lawyer on an online dating site.  He first contacted her and she replied.  They had a very nice exchange.  He was very nice and respectful.  However, he kept referring to his “million dollar home” by the River.  He kept talking about his successes and sent her his professional profile information and wanted to see what she thought, she told him it looks interesting, he seemed disappointed that he hadn’t impressed her.  He started putting on his “A” game … sending her provocative messages and making insinuations.  She let it slide because he seemed nice enough and she agreed to meet him for a coffee.  He was very taken by her and couldn’t stop staring at her.  She is quite an attractive girl.  He even told her he couldn’t concentrate at work because she kept coming to his mind.  He told her that he had met over 35 women online in the past 3 months.  She was a little taken aback by this, but again, she let it slide.  However, it did stay in the back of her mind.

Then the weird interview questions began.  Everything, she noticed related to appearance and the body.  He first asked her what sort of bathing suit she wore, one or two piece.  Then if she slept naked or in pyjamas.  Then he asked what sort of underwear she wore.  But she liked him otherwise, she thought this was part of the flirting.  But did he ask this of all the girls?  She was also a little taken by his status … big shot lawyer … successful … wealthy … so he behaved a little badly, so did she sometimes.  Some minor indiscretions weren’t that big of a deal were they?  So she agreed to see him again, this time a quick meeting at his place.  They had a nice evening talking and he would steal glances at her when she wasn’t looking.  He seemed so taken by her and it made her feel great.

Then the interview continued.  He actually asked her how much she weighed! Who does that?  That’s where she drew the line, she couldn’t be with someone so superficial.  He asked how tall she was.  Then he made a comment that his ex-wife weighed 100 pounds and that his previous girlfriend was a body sculpting instructor.  My friend is in no way overweight and is very attractive physically.  Where does this guy get off comparing her?  Really?  After his comparison and comments, he had the nerve to try and sleep with her.  She, of course, refused.  She made an excuse about getting up early and left.  He texted her to ask if she arrived home safely and she said yes.The next morning he sent her a message to say that he didn’t feel they had enough in common to continue seeing each other.  Let’s just say she didn’t cry any tears over it … who would want to date someone who would always be telling her to lose weight or compare her to someone else?  Not me!

I am the first to say that looks are important, I don’t care what anyone says, you need to be attracted to who you’re with. Everyone has their tastes … I like men with strong features, scruffy, longer hair … think Oded Fehr in The Mummy (OK don’t judge me).  So you shouldn’t settle for someone you’re not attracted to, but don’t give them false hope either! Sometimes we meet someone that perhaps doesn’t fit what we are looking for but we still go out with them only to not want them anymore after the fact.  Why bother?  Really.  Be honest with yourself and them.  Don’t waste your time or theirs … besides don’t we all want the hottie we can’t keep our hands off of??? I know I do … now does anyone have Oded’s number? Seriously …


Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva

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Single and Dating Life: When Mr. Perfect Isn’t So Perfect … Another Cheater’s Tale

17 Mar

When we meet someone new that we really like, we tend to see things with rose-colored glasses.  Everyone is on their best behavior, sparks are flying and butterflies have taken over your stomach.  Then when that all wears off, what is left?  In our next installment of the “Single and Dating Life” series, Heather (@AskHeatherG) shares with us her fairy tale romance gone wrong …

I can remember it like it was yesterday, yup, I dated a cheater! It started my first year out of college; I thought I was so grown and independent, so of course, I needed a “man” to match my new-found freedom.  After frequenting the local restaurants and clubs (which were slim to none, let me tell you), I met a guy who seemed to hold my attention longer than 5 seconds.  The thing I admired about him most was that “he was different.”  He was different alright… he was a liar!

After a few months of engaging in small talk, we decided to take things up a notch.  Thinking back on it, I probably should have seen the signs, but when you really care for someone, I guess you let a couple of things slide.  Day in, day out, all I was thinking about was my new friend.  He seemed to be everything a woman could dream for.  When we went on dates, he’d always seem so happy to have me by his side.  He smiled from ear to ear at the sight of me.  He gave me little gifts and keepsakes for no reason at all.  This was really shaping up to be a man I could marry, and heaven knows that’s ALL you need at 23 years old (I’m being sarcastic).  But as we know, in any relationship, there is a turning point.  You know what I am talking about, the stage where the excitement wears off and you are stuck with the realization that maybe “Mr. Perfect,” isn’t so perfect after all.

I remember my phone ringing one evening and to my surprise, there was another woman’s voice on the other end.  She went on to tell me that the man I was dating was not single and that he had a girlfriend.  A WHAT?  I should have probably been mad, but I was hurt.  I could not believe it.  How could HE have a girlfriend?  Well, you probably guessed it; he denied everything.  The explanation he gave seemed to be so believable or maybe it was that I wanted to believe him, whatever it was, I stayed.  Mistake #1!

After weeks passed, I thought that maybe this crazy ex lady was a complete liar and my man was telling the truth.  Things seemed to be going ok, that is until my schedule changed at work.  I was now available during different hours and so my calls were more frequent and random, but guess what, Mr. Wonderful was nowhere to be found.  Somehow, still, I stayed.  Mistake #2.

I was determined there would be no mistake #3, so I started my own investigation and found out that not only was the “crazy ex” lady telling the truth, but that my man had actually bought a home with her and had recently proposed to her.  WTH!!!?!  I am sure you are finding it hard to believe that I didn’t know any of this, but when you are smitten by someone, you have a tendency to put blinders on.  I guess I was that dumb, young girl who fell for the nonsense.

UPDATE:  4 years later and this guy is not married, not in any committed relationship and essentially homeless (living in his father’s house).  Bum!  Good thing I moved on.

Sometimes things happen for the best … we don’t realize it right away, but when looking back we see how lucky we were to get out of that relationship.  Ladies, gents … it’s time to remove those rose-colored glasses and see people for who they really are and not what you want them to be.  Heather was smart and realized who this guy was … we all stick around though, perhaps out of curiosity, perhaps because we want to fix them … or is it just hope?  Well whatever it is, remember to be true to yourself! You deserve the best and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!

Check out Heather’s site at http://www.askheatherg.net/ for lots of great information and advice about relationship, style and being the best you! You can also follow her on Twitter @AskHeatherG.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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