Ever felt like you found an oasis in your dating life desert and it turns out to be nothing but a mirage? Sometimes, people come into our lives that teach us a lesson … perhaps some of us just get more of these lessons than others.  As is the case with my latest liaison … this one actually was longer than most I’ve had.  We actually were in a relationship.  We actually loved being with each other.  We actually had a great time together.  Which is why, it deeply saddens me that it’s over.  I was actually going to classify him as my Mr. Z … he did turn out to be more of a Mr. Zero, however.

I met Mr. Zero late last year … we immediately hit it off.  He was pretty much everything I was looking for.  Just one problem, he lived a couple of hours away.  I know, it’s not so bad, but hey, I thought why not try.  We chatted a lot and the more we got to know each other, the more we liked each other.   Wow, I thought, this is great!  One day, he just got in his car and called me to say he was on his way … he just HAD to meet me.  So he did.  We had a great day together and then he went to visit with some friends.  The next day he came back and I made dinner and we had a very nice evening together.  It was instant chemistry.  We shared our personal journeys, particularly regarding relationships.  He told me about an ex-fiance that he hadn’t seen since a year ago because she moved away.  I told him about my divorce.

What did I like about him?  Everything.  He was interesting, he was funny, he was attractive, ambitious … you name it and he had it.  We even had the same birthday, so we were very much alike, which was kind of neat.  We had a lot of the same quirks and we got each other.  There was chemistry and passion but at the same time we were down to earth and comfortable with each other.  We could be ourselves with each other.  It’s not easy to find that.  It is difficult actually.  But there was always a little tinge of “I don’t know” … that intuition that something wasn’t right.  I thought maybe I was just being paranoid because things were so great.

Turns out, my intuition was right.  He started becoming different.  He didn’t contact me as often.  He would make plans to come see me and suddenly would change for great reasons (see my post on his good excuses here).  So I took it.  I decided to give him as much rope as he needed to hang himself – and, if he was actually being honest, then even better.  So one day, out of the blue, he said to me “you know, I’m scared of marriage“, I said “me too” … I said I’m not in a hurry to get married again either.  I did say that I was looking to be in a relationship, he said he was too.  So we agreed that we were on the same page and moved forward.  He finally made it to see me one weekend.  We had a great time, as usual, what I found weird is that he didn’t even stay for 24 hours and rushed off, said he had to be home for something.  I didn’t argue (that hanging rope was getting ever so long!).  That week, he brought up the marriage thing again, so I restated my intentions and he agreed again.  That weekend, I didn’t hear from him at all (more and more rope).  I didn’t push it and waited for him to call.  He did finally call on the Tuesday.  What did he say?  Well, you better sit down for this.

He said that his ex-fiance was moving back to town to see if they could make it work.  He didn’t know what to do.  He was going crazy trying to figure things out.  I said … umm well, shouldn’t you tell her you’re seeing someone else.  He said he didn’t know what to do.  I asked if they ever actually broke up.  He said no.  But he didn’t want to be with her, he felt stuck.  I said “so you were using me, just playing”, he said “I was curious, I didn’t ever imagine I would meet anyone like you … I was just playing, but then ended up liking you more than I thought”.  I said “so I am toy to you then, that you are throwing aside”, he said “but I love my toy”.  Well, as you can well imagine, I was distraught.  I was mad, sad, hurt, I felt used … I didn’t know what to do.  I decided I would make his decision easier and tell him it’s over between us even if he ended it with her.  Firstly, because his initial intention was to use me.  Secondly, because if he’s a liar and cheater to her, he will do the same to me one day.  Thirdly, because his first instinct wasn’t to tell her he’s with someone else – not choosing IS a choice.  (Just as a side note, I was quite proud of myself … I didn’t go all “crazy lady” on him even though he deserved it)

I’m feeling better now and I’m hopeful for better days.  I will still let him keep the Mr. Z name, however.  I think it’s more of a closure for me of my alphabet men and symbolizes a new start.  New attitude.  New outlook.  Perhaps nick names would work better 😉

What lesson did I learn? I learned that when you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.  You need to remember that too.  When someone wants to be with you they will be, when they really want to talk to you they will call you, and when someone really wants to see you they will.  Words mean nothing.  Actions mean everything.

This song comes to mind … but you know what, I think I was the winner here.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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