Suzie

Booty Call-iquette When You’re Single and Dating

Booty CallBooty Call-iquette?  What’s that?  Well, first let’s define the infamous “Booty Call” … not everyone knows what it is.  A “Booty Call” is a gratuitous sexual encounter with someone who you don’t want a real relationship with.  Typically, these occur late at night and originate in a middle of the night call or text from an ex or a lover looking to get a piece of your booty for some casual sex  Most people have encountered this, whether they take the bait or not is not important, but when you’re single and dating these events occur quite often.  When you’re not in a relationship, and have needs, it works for a while, but there are some essential things to keep in mind when engaging in Booty Call behavior … yes, there is a Booty Call-iquette.

Booty Call-iquette When You’re Single and Dating

The Good

Booty Calls work great for short-term gratification.  Everybody has needs that need to be met without the complications that are associated with relationships.  A lot of very busy, successful people engage in Booty Call activities because they don’t have the time or the energy for anything else.  Some of them only have late night-time available because their days are so full.  So it works for those people.  It also has its benefits when you’re “in between” relationships.  Someone on the side fills the gap until you meet that special someone that you really want to invest in.

The Bad

Those who engage in Booty Call behavior know that it’s not all fun and games.  It’s risky casual sex behavior.  You need to make sure that you are safe.  Because there is no commitment between you, it’s even more important that you practice safe sex.  Another possible negative is that you will use these casual relationships as a crutch, you get too comfortable and don’t make a real effort to find a real relationship.

The Ugly

Feelings.  Plain and Simple.  It gets ugly when someone develops feelings and wants more.  I can’t stress enough how important it is to detach feelings from the sexual act in a Booty Call.  Women start making this problem when the men they are sleeping with start getting emotionally needy one night and they misunderstand that for wanting more.  Nope, they are needy, we all get needy, you just happen to be the easiest person at that moment in time to share with.  Cold, hard truth? Yes it is, live with it.  If someone WANTS to be in a relationship with you they WILL be in a relationship with you.  Plain.  Simple.  Don’t delude yourself.  Another important point is don’t get pregnant just to keep them around hoping they will want to stay with you, some women do this, all it will do is make them RESENT you.  One more ugly thing – jealousy.  You have no right to be jealous of your Booty Call’s other conquests, just like they have no right to be jealous of your conquests.

Some Tips

  • keep it dirty and all about the sex, this is a good place to try those risqué things (and people) you always wanted to
  • set the ground rules at the beginning
  • no cuddling or sleepover … it’s about the act, that’s it, that’s all
  • no need to engage in relationship maintenance like calling and hanging out (unless you’re Friends with Benefits)
  • these things should be random and not planned
  • practice safe sex always … STD’s aside, do you REALLY want to procreate with your Booty Call???
  • meeting for a quickie is completely acceptable, meeting for a coffee or dinner is not
  • I’ve read that keeping the eye contact to a minimum is essential because eye contact creates bonding
  • be discreet, don’t share the details of your arrangement with anyone
  • always respect each other and don’t treat them like a toy (in the bad sense of the term)
  • remember that it’s only a temporary short-term arrangement

I am a big promoter of doing whatever you like and having fun as long as no one gets hurt, physically AND emotionally.  Booty Calls aren’t for the faint of heart.  If you are the type to get emotionally attached quickly then don’t do it, you will only get hurt.   Ooh wait I have to go, I’m getting a text …

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

38 comments

  1. I love this! Not everyone understands the rules and a Booty Call is different than FWB. There are a lot of risks involved if you aren’t able to separate the emotions from the act so be sure you know yourself and whether or not you can handle an agreement like this. I’ve never heard of the ‘limited eye contact’ rule but it’s an interesting theory and I can see how it may be true.

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    • Thanks for the comment! I think Booty Calls are a little less risky than Friends with Benefits, especially because it implies just sex, but either way if you’re going to engage in this type of activity feelings need to be parked on the side and just have fun!

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  2. Unfortunately I once let a Booty Call turn into a relationship. He never let me live it down and always thought I would find a new man in the same way. Learned my lesson…never get with a man who is insecure!!

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  3. Great topic. I was just thinking about this. Recently I’ve noticed this thin line between booty call and friends with benefits … I personally don’t think / believe that one should hook up with their friends least of all make them a booty call … Keep your booty call casual; if you have a friend with benefits try not to get too attached or involve your ‘friend’ in your life too much because it can get a bit messy

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    • it really is a fine line you cross when you sleep with a friend … it’s really better not to. Booty calls should be random and not with someone who you spend real time with.

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  4. I don’t think most women truly enjoy booty calls and almost always they involve imbibing excessive amounts of alcohol. Usually, the woman thinks the guy they are booty-calling with will eventually want to be in a relationship with them, but it rarely works out that way.

    Neely
    neelysteinberg.com

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    • Thanks for the comment! Yes, that’s the problem with these things, women (and some men) read more into them than they really are. That’s why they should be random and about the act and nothing else.

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  6. I love your take on this, SDDiva. I feel the exact same way – booty calls should be with strangers, shouldn’t involve repeat performances, and should be about physical gratification for both parties. Well said!

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  8. Girl you are playing my tune. Live BIG and let live… as long as no one gets hurt… Booty calls ROCK, and I love the first tip – KEEP IT DIRTY. Ooooo… you may be in danger of becoming another “dirty” girl…

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  11. I haven’t crossed the booty call bridge yet since my return to singledom but I will keep this page bookmarked for when I do! Not sure if I could love ’em and leave ’em (or f-em and leave ’em as the case more accurately may be) with no emotional messiness but I would love a crack at it! LOL! with no cuddl

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  13. Reblogged this on Guiltless Miss and commented:
    Single Dating Diva is just a gem if I do say so myself and her Booty Call-iquette hits the nail on the head. Since most of my Titty Tuesday posts are about Booty Calls, I think we should set some ground rules 😉 When you’re finished, head on over to her blog and check out the lovely Miss Diva!

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  15. […] It is very difficult to maintain a friendship with the extra benefits.  You will really have to think hard about it.  I personally don’t think it’s a great idea.  If the friendship really means that much to you then keep it that way. Don’t run the risk of jeopardizing it. If you really must engage in casual sex, don’t do it with a friend, and read my post Booty Call-iquette When You’re Single & Dating. […]

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  22. So I broke up with my ex about a month ago and we have talked a couple of time or more a week since. We talked about getting back together but we need to talk first about what went wrong to begin with. This week we talked three times and the last time, we flirted more and essentially had a booty call. He did his normal after work routine, ate dinner, cleaned a little then he kissed me and snuggled with me after, holding onto me tightly and acting affectionate. I stayed the night and that morning he said I didn’t have to rush out, I could stay. Later that day I said to him it was not just a booty call for me and he said for him it was. I appreciate his honesty, but I said if that is all he wants then we need to sever ties now- he responded with, to just relax. What is his deal; honesty please!

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  23. I was recently seeing this guy…well, the story is pretty long. He was my friend at first and then we ended up sleeping together. and it was a booty call for me at first, cause i didn’t see any potential in having relationship with him. But then he contacted me all the time, we had dinners, hanged out and more often than not, we slept together (with the sleeping over bit). I still treated it as a booty call tho. Then, because of certain circumstances, he ended up living with me for a month and I became attached. We werre acting like a couple and he showed me more and more affection. So, one day I told him I wanted to be exclusive with me and he came up with some lame excuses why he thought it was a bad idea. FRom then on he detached himself. Isn’t it the most confusing thing? It was going so well with the booty calls and now I’m left with a slightly broken heart.

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