In this era of the independent woman and the feminist movement, men have been left emasculated. Let’s face reality here, women don’t really NEED a man to survive anymore, they can do it all on their own. Women have the opportunity to be educated, get awesome careers, make good money, own property and nice cars. Girls are no longer raised to be wives and mothers. From an early age they are encouraged to be successful and independent. So, where does that leave them when it comes to relationships? It doesn’t leave them anywhere good, particularly the older and more financially secure they get. This new trend has significantly changed the dating dynamic.
Men Need To Feel Needed
Traditionally, men have been the providers and head of their households. This has definitely changed in recent years, not only because women have become more career oriented, but, because women have become more independent. Unfortunately, this isn’t working when it comes to dating. Why? Well, men need to feel like they are men. Men need to feel needed. They need to feel that their role as men in relationships is secure. They want to feel like their partners appreciate their presence and what they do for them. They want to be the king of their castle. They want to feel valued and that their woman couldn’t even dream of life with anyone else but him. Chauvinist? Selfish? Narcissistic? Well, not so much. Just natural instincts I think. It’s who they are and what they are meant to be.
Women Don’t Need Men Anymore
As earlier mentioned, women are able to be financially stable on their own. They are established without a man. This makes it tricky when it comes to meeting men. The older women get the more independent they become. They are financially savvy, they know how to fix things around the house, they can take care of their car, they can go on vacations alone, they can protect themselves, they have fulfilling social lives and they can have a fulfilling sex life without a man. For a woman who’s independent, men are a nice to have but not necessary. What did Cher say? Oh yes, “men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries”. Well there you go!
Men Want To Be Needed … But They Don’t Want To Be Used
Not only do men want to be needed, they want to be the desired partner of the woman they pursue. However, they don’t want gold-diggers or women who poach them for everything they’ve worked hard for. There’s nothing more unattractive than a desperate woman or one who’s not appreciative. You know a person by their actions and their requests. Does she still want you if you haven’t spent loads of money on her? That’s a good question to ask yourself. The best kind of woman wants what you have to offer as a gift but she doesn’t NEED it. I have a lot of friends and men I’ve dated that have a lot of money, but never ever did I ever ask them for anything. I’m not greedy. If they offer then that’s different, but I wouldn’t ever use anyone. OK, this is getting confusing isn’t it? Essentially, men need to feel needed, but unless they are extremely possessive, they want their partners to also have their own independence, life and friends. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it? But there has to be a balance and clear roles defined.
What Can Women Do?
There is a definite balance between being NEEDY and making a man feel NEEDED. How so? Well, I’m not saying that women have to go back a few centuries, but, they do need to take the blatant advertising of their independence down a notch. It’s so fabulously awesome that you have a great career, a gorgeous condo and a nice car. It’s wonderful that you’ve got your life in order. But, ladies, don’t make it obvious, don’t flaunt or make it “what you have to offer” to a man. I have seen it time and again. Women who think they are great catches because they are financially and physically independent, but the only thing it does is scare men off or, even worse, attract the bums who want to mooch off them. Sound familiar? It’s reality.
Ladies, keep your financial and physical independence on the down low. A man isn’t stupid, he can see you’ve got your shit together. You don’t need to tell him. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by flaunting your independence. Trust me, if it’s a quality guy, it will only scare him away. But what you CAN do is this:
- Mention how although you CAN do things like cut the grass or take out the garbage on your own, you would love to have a man around to do it.
- Reward him for doing things for you and around the house (it makes him feel valued and important and he will continue to do it) and don’t criticize him if he does it wrong.
- Let him open doors for you, let him pay for dates, let him treat you to a shopping trip, let him buy groceries, let him fix something around the house even if it’s something you can do with your eyes closed.
- Keep telling him how lucky you feel to have him in your life and how he makes you feel special.
- Ask a man for his advice for any personal or professional dilemmas you have. You don’t have to take his suggestions, but it will make him feel needed and useful … like his opinion matters.
- Don’t talk about salaries and who makes more or contributes more financially to the relationship.
These are just some suggestions, but you get the idea. Besides, we all know women WANT A REAL MAN! The way to attract them is to take a step back and LET him be a real man. Men and women are different. It’s a fact. Get over it. We have different roles and we do need each other. Let a woman be a woman and man be a man …
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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