OK just a warning this might sound like a rant or man bashing, but it’s not at all. I’ve been bed ridden for the past few days and had time to think and observe the dynamics between men and women in general and it’s interesting really. I love observing people. No offense intended just making an observation from what I’ve seen happening around me and from my own experience … feel free to disagree with me in the comments, I don’t mind 🙂 But please do so respectfully … soo let’s discuss …
Girls spend their lives waiting to get married … for their prince charming to sweep them off their feet and take them away to their castle and live happily ever after. Think about it, all the fairy tales girls are read while growing up are about handsome princes rescuing princesses in distress. Even my four year old niece the other day told me not to worry because my prince was in his castle far far away waiting for me. (She said she would take me to him if I bought her a new dress … I’m thinking this is a scam lol) These gallant men, good looking, heroic, charming and brave. Even in history we hear tales of the Braveheart’s of the world. Let’s take a look around us… do guys like that even exist? No, or at least I haven’t met any!
Gone are the days when a leader rides into battle ahead of his troops. These days a nation’s leader rules from the comfort and safety of their offices while they send out naive young men and women to fight nonsensical battles. When real trouble ensues they are whisked away to bunkers and places to hide. Where is the gallantry in that? Also, whatever happened to honesty and integrity and honor for that matter. It used to be that someone’s word was their bond.
How many men these days will actually stand up for their woman or any woman in general? How many men will actually defend a woman’s honor? Many men these days are either brutes … selfish and only after their happiness and pleasure … or the other extreme whiny wimps. Women in general are expected to take care of themselves and be independent. I’ve said this before, rare is the man who is a real man. They do exist, I’m not saying they don’t, but they’re a rare commodity these days. Where are the balls in this operation? All I’ve been meeting is men who are all penis and no balls!!
Men often save their bravery and smarts for their own purposes and success and women are just expected to follow along and even be another possession. Then there are the men who are passive and expect the world to just pass them by. They wont fight or try for anything. So what is the definition of a real man these days? We can’t judge them on the prince charming characteristics. I asked around and most women would say what they want in a man is someone who is a good provider for his family, but many women are the main bread winners of the family. Some women said a man who is intelligent, but just because a man is intelligent doesn’t make him a valuable partner. Some women said a man with good social skills and connections, but does that make him more prone to not need her? I suppose a mixture of all of these is desirable, but where do you draw the line?
Let’s face it, men aren’t needed anymore, women have the opportunity to be educated, have good jobs and live independently with friends and family for companionship. They can even have children without a man. So what is the value of having a man? Regardless, isn’t it better to be WANTED and not NEEDED? A partnership of sorts. I wonder sometimes.
Did the need for prince charming disappear when the damsel in distress disappeared? Perhaps. So what is the answer? Should women’s expectations change? Should they be more “passive” while allowing men to regain their “manliness”. Women’s rights groups would call this heresy. But would it restore balance to the world? Think about it. Divorce rates are steadily increasing, even in more traditional families and communities. People are rather choosing not to marry or make long term commitments to each other. Marriages aren’t working. The traditional definition of marriage has to change in order to help it succeed. This generation is stuck in the middle of seeing their parents “sacrifice all” marriage, even in unhappiness and the “esoteric happiness” they long for. Where does the balance come in?
How are people supposed to be happy? I wish I knew the answer.
What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree?
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Coach Suzie 
The central problem is social evolution.
Women and men made a deal: men looked after women and were punished for not doing so ( ostensibly). Women were chaste and forced to be loyal. There was a socially explicit deal. Chivalry , when it existed, was ONLY extended to worthy women who didn’t misbehave.
Add class, situation, etc.
As good or bad as this was, it was nevertheless discarded.
A few radicals wanted pure equality. Equals. But millions of years of physical and social evolution weren’t interested in fairness. They were interested in reproduction, for which a mating strategy was required.
A deal was struck: the radiation sky discarded males were allowed mates in exchange for trading up the fruits of their surplus labor. Give them a stake in the future and a reason to work. Result: social capital accumulation, technology, civilisation. Safety and progress. Art. Architecture. Wealth and inequality. Peace and war and all things we know.
Women guard and feed the nest.
Those few radicals wanted a different order. It suited them. But most women perversely want the old deal minus the price.
So we got chivalry from men and expectations of them without chastity and loyalty and Subservience from women.
The radicals saw no problem: in their piticsllt correct world, women and men must be the same.
Few women wanted this. Few do today. They took advantage of the deal, but then something they didn’t expect happened.
SO DID THE MEN.
Fairness is fairness. If you don’t like the reality of being an adult equal human, frankly, there is no place for your opinion in the ideologies of today.
Feminism is now defined by most as a form of class based Marxist dialogue. Deviation is unwelcome.
More, men are fully justified in what you call atrocious behavior.
Why should ANY man lift a finger for you?
In this climate, I would like you to stop trying to ( even facetiously) shame men and justify the smallest of privileges for women that men should not also be fully entitled to at all times.
Equality is a harsh mistress. I fully expect it to be force fed to everyone, and the daily rejection of chivalry by non suicidal men is a happy result of feminism.
If you don’t like this, there are no men to complain to. All of these concerns can be wholly and entirely laid at the feet of your radical pioneering sisters.
Personally, most of the men I know have less than zero interest in the terrible social deal men have had recently:
Men get social obligations and responsibility.
Women get rights and opportunities.
If you don’t like the natural reaction men have over generations to this, then redress the balancing of it- but understand that the reaction is eminently sensible.
Bear in mind the price your grandmothers paid before you gladly repay it.
And it’s not men’s fault that the wiring in women’s brains is not catching up to social evolution.
Frankly, pure equality isn’t natural from a mans point of view, but damn, it has some advantages. And men who learn to hammer, hammer this home have a huge advantage.
I’ve done this since my divorce a decade ago. I make no bones about it today: any woman not prepared to act like an adult and be fully competent and an equal, with not a gram of privilege accruing to her due to her gender or sex, is a filthy parasite. As a human I will naturally extend all consideration: as a human. But not for a second ” as a woman”.
Such creatures are contemptible – among men or women. Indeed, they’re also politically incorrect and are deviant throwbacks to a time of female class slavery.
Nicely, the rebalancing in which men withdraw their special deference to the traditionally female roles is dying, and fast.
I’m almost 40. Among 25 year olds, the old imbalance is virtually dead. A 25 year old woman usually has no choice now: she must act and be like a man or be treated as an snschronism, a joke, by her peers and by society. And men who assume prior privileges are looked at as monsters.
Good.
Freedoms come with responsibilities. And imbalances balance out, in time.
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Thanks for your comment! I believe people are confused and perhaps need to assess who they are and what they want. Things do balance out in the end, perhaps this is the uncomfortable and awkward “growing period” and we will get to stability soon. Thanks for stopping by!
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Here you state the problem:
Girls spend their lives waiting to get married … for their prince charming to sweep them off their feet and take them away to their castle and live happily ever after.
The problem being that young girls have an unrealistic expectation from a young age of how men should be. Then you spend the rest of the article ranting that no men are “real men” because they dont live up to the unrealistic, fairy tale, image of prince charming youve identified at the beginning of your article.
There are “real men” everywhere. Congrats to men (and women) who put their own success and happiness before anyone else…especially women who expect him to sacrifice his happiness to make sure she is “taken care of”.
There are plenty of successful men who are HAPPY with their own life and still know how to respect and honor women….but who refuse to become the doormats you expect them to be. These are the men I respect most. Women with expectations like yours make men unhappy and miserable. “traditional marriage” and “prince charming” are not realistic nor are they practical.
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Thank you for your comment on my reflection. If you have read ANY of my other posts you will know that I am not looking for a doormat at all and I hold men in high regard. This was a reflection on my observations. Real men are caretakers of their world and move forward in life with integrity, honor and respect of their surroundings, especially women. I work hard and I am proud of my achievements and want a man who is the same. You might find value in reading some of my other posts before judging a reflection. Thanks again for stopping by!!
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Ive read your posts. Im not judging at all….simply responding with my reactions regarding the opinions you put forward. Opinions can differ…they always will. I understand your experience with dating has probably been very different than mine, and yours is probably more typical of most women. Which is why you have these very traditional views and unrealistic expectations. Here is the paragraph I find most telling:
“How many men these days will actually stand up for their woman or any woman in general? How many men will actually defend a woman’s honor? Many men these days are either brutes … selfish and only after their happiness and pleasure … or the other extreme whiny wimps. Women in general are expected to take care of themselves and be independent. I’ve said this before, rare is the man who is a real man. They do exist, I’m not saying they don’t, but they’re a rare commodity these days. Where are the balls in this operation? All I’ve been meeting is men who are all penis and no balls!!”
Man bashing and nothing else. I hear that you werent intending to bash men, but lets call a spade a spade. Talking about “men these days…..brutes…whiny..selfish…rare is a man who is a real man…etc” This is very similar to men who would state that women arent “real women” anymore because they dont live to cook, clean, have babies, and stay at home taking care of him. Real men are not rare. Most men are probably turned off by your expectations and dont stick around long….they may be rare in your life.
Regardless, you want a man who is xyz, blah, blah, blah, smart, successful, honors you, etc… to make YOU happy. love and happiness are EVERYWHERE and start from within you, and expectations you have of the perfect man who will compliment your amazingly fabulous self, while honoring you seems selfish and narcissistic on your part. Men deserve to cater to their own happiness FIRST, not yours
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Thanks Nicole. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions as well as expectations. Not everyone is going to look for or want the same things in a partner and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Perhaps my needs are more traditional than yours but that doesn’t make them wrong or inaccessible. The right man will meet my needs as I will meet his needs, why change that for anyone?
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Thank you, Nicole! You’ve stated the exact issue with expectations and how some women are aiming for a non-existent target.
I’ve found that the women who have the least relationship experience have some of the most unrealistic expectations of men.
Typically, the ones who search for Christian Grey, Noah Calhoun, and Gerry Kennedy never find him and wind up being single for a long time. That can sometimes turn into disdain for men. The reality is they’re not mad at men, they’re upset for believing a lie.
I hope more women realize how much the media & hollywood are playing on their emotions and insecurities.
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Thank you Jacob. You’re right mass media does give women unrealistic expectations which often leads to disappointment. Perhaps it’s inexperience or maybe it’s perception. Either way you can only be responsible for making yourself a good partner and hope for the same in return. Thanks again for stopping by!
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I don’t think it’s just women with unrealistic expectations. Plenty of blokes fed a diet through the media of slim, beautiful women with flawless skin and glossy hair also have unrealistic expectations of women.
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Mmmh – what is the point in having a man? I see plenty – i wouldn’t be without mine. He is great at sex, cuddles, back rubs, cooking, doing Dad things with the kids, carrying heavy stuff, sorting out the car at the garage, listening (as long as there’s not a big game on!), work and sharing what he earns, gardening, giving a different perspective on things, calming me down, being fun and interesting to be with, making me feel loved and cared for in little ways. He provides but I do too and he is not a traditional Prince Charming slaying dragons – if any dragons need slaying we’ll be slaying them together I expect but it works for us. I’d say look for a guy who is loving, kind and generous, not a slayer. You’ll be much happier. That fairytale happy ever after thing is dangerous propaganda 🙂
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Thanks for your comment! Great answer!! I never bought into the knight in shining armor bullcrap. I am looking for a partner but I do like traditional roles for men and women that’s just how I am. Thanks for stopping by!
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Hey Diva,
I can only speak from my experience and have become familiar with your viewpoints as maybe some others haven’t.
I agree in what you are saying, to the point where it changes to my own experience.
What I have noticed is that we often expect, getting married before our 30s or early into them, that the men we have married, aren’t in fact grown men. While they are “Men”, legally and traditionally by age, depending on their life experience; they could still be very young and inexperienced. It depends on the roles they witnessed growing up and their cultures.
Young couples with children don’t realize what those roles look like with children, mortgages, bills, loan payments and so on… So we begin to blame it on not being “a real woman, or a real man”, then marriages end, leaving their Prince Charming nowhere to be found or in a new relationship with a new princess.
Through dating I have realized, what I used to be attracted to when I was younger has completely changed, ethnicity-wise, cultures and even tone of voice.
I used to think he had to be athletic, educated, driven…the list went on. I married him. He fit all the ratings, but something was missing, he knew it and I knew it but denied it. DESIRE
After dating a couple of years now, I have gained a whole wealth of knowledge as to what I am attracted to and how much more of a woman I have become, with maturity, independence, and what I still desire from a man. I think as a woman of today, you have to find what you DESIRE, what sets you on fire from a man, and then find the balance of those roles you want him to fill as a partner.
I realized as a strong independent, self sufficient woman with a strong personality, I needed a man from a background who knew how to take control of certain aspects of our relationship so I could allow myself to fall into a more feminine role in our relationship. That does not mean I started doing his laundry, or making his lunches (not that there is anything wrong with that) what I mean is that I allowed him to be a man, make decisions, take charge of what I was comfortable letting him have control over and for each of us it is different. I had to find my feminine side, to find out what I needed from him. I even had to let him start paying for things, which for me is a huge thing. I never wanted a man to know I needed him. But the fact is, I do. In order to tap into some of my femininity I needed a man to make me feel giddy when he calls, to melt when he says my name in his deep sultry voice, or flop when I see his chest open for me to fall on; I can’t do that alone.
You can only know what to look for by looking for what you need from him by how you feel, not what he ticks off on a dating profile. I’m not sure every woman gets to experience that true desire for a man.
Doing this, he turned into that MAN I wanted. His basic characteristics were there that I was physically attracted to, and the voice, but then when I saw that I was allowing this man, to be a MAN, he grew more attracted to me because he knew he made me giggle when he said my name and he knew the sound of his voice made me crazy…
This was a huge a-ha for me when I found this. AND, I only found this after dating many of the not quite so perfect fits, broken hearts and late night wishes.
Once you are in it, you find balance and perhaps those roles only pertain to certain aspects of your relationship but you have to find what you need from him and find the man who can bring that out in you!
I am not sure if I explained it all correctly but it is something I have been long trying to nail down as well. I meet plenty of great guys, but only a couple have really tapped me into that feminine roleof desire and now I know, THAT’S what I’m talking about! I just keep searching for that “pull”.
Hope you find your happy beginning, … (who wants a happy ending? We all know endings suck!)
S
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Thanks so much Sabrina. I totally get where you’re coming from and know exactly what I want … A partner in every sense of the word. That means different things to different people. I don’t have a list but I do have standards that are important to me and they don’t include physical or materialistic characteristics. So glad you’re in such a great place 🙂 Thanks again for stopping by!
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Being of the age to collect Social Security…. I have found way too many women who are either still living in the 1960s or 1970s… and want a man to pay for everything.. and also be a “gentleman” and put themselves out on a limb to ask the lady on a date. Then you also have a mix of 50 or 60 yo women who want nothing to do with men, and feel it is quite OK to ignore any invite by said “gentlemen” who shows interest in them. They just look at you as some type of irritant that needs to be dealt with, but then will just ignore you and hope that you go away. Hope that is not too negative… but I have stopped worrying what women complain about when it comes to men. Women do a great job shooting themselves in the foot by all their unrealistic expectations of what they are looking for in a relationship. Most seem to want an instant relationship… and get mad if the guy does not snap too and jump feet first into the relationship. Times have changed….. don’t wait for man to be that everything in your life……. A heathy relationship involves good communications, work and time….. Most women I have met do not seem all that interested in the process, but are more concerned about if you wear a suit to work… or what kind of car you drive… or what college degree you have (OK.. I worked in a factory all my life). I even had one lady in her personal ad make a point that it would be “great if the guy had blue eyes” So….I’m sure there are a few “sane and sensible” women out there… as there are a few of us sane and sensible gentleman.
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YES I DEFINITELY AGREE ON THIS ARTICLE WRITTEN HERE…MEN ARE JUST ACCESSORIES NOT ESSENTIALS ANYMORE..SINGLE WOMEN CAN STAND ALONE AND STAY HAPPY SINGLE FOREVER..MINUS THE STRESS OF PUTTING UP WITH MEN,RELATIONSHIPS,COMPLICATIONS,INLAWS..ETC…
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