Suzie

Can Your Booty Call Turn Into A Relationship?

Short answer? No. Long answer? It’s Complicated. How do you know? Well, you don’t. Sometimes it happens, but, more often than not, it doesn’t. Let’s be honest here, someone engaging in a booty call isn’t thinking relationship, they are thinking SEX … hot, passionate, rip your clothes off sex. They aren’t your friend (that’s a friends with benefits), they are someone who calls you up randomly to have sex, then, they leave. A while back I wrote a post called Booty Call-iquette When You’re Single and Dating and in it I gave the good, the bad and the ugly of booty calls in addition to some rules for booty calls should you have them. Some of these rules include engaging in the sexual act but none of the relationship stuff. For example, no cuddling and no sleeping over. Booty calls are all sex, nothing else. Unemotional sex. It’s physical pleasure. They should only randomly take place once in a while, not daily, not several times a week and not weekly. Is this a good or bad thing? Depends who you ask.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Wants More

I get countless questions about booty calls. Additionally, many of the searches people do to come to my blog are related to this topic. Here are some of the main questions:

  • How do I turn my booty call into a relationship?
  • How do I know if I’m just a booty call?
  • How to keep my booty call from leaving me?
  • Is my booty call a relationship?
  • Does my booty call love me?
  • My booty call is jealous.
  • How do I make my booty call want more than just sex?
  • I think about my booty call all the time.

bootycallYikes! See a theme here? You guessed it … someone has developed feelings for their booty call and it has become emotional for them. These questions are not from one or two people, these are from A LOT of people. This is daily. This isn’t good and it concerns me. Booty calls should be unemotional, all about the fun, but, not everyone can have unemotional sex. Therefore, not everyone should engage in booty call behavior. I’ve said this before. If you know you’re in a vulnerable place then this activity isn’t for you. If you’re a “feeler” and not a “doer” then this isn’t for you. Be honest with yourself and protect yourself. Only YOU can protect you from being hurt. You know yourself and be true to you, especially when it comes to this. Otherwise, you will be left sad and lonely, and, worst of all, empty. Some people can engage in this behavior with absolutely no problems and are able to walk away without missing a beat. Most can’t. Let’s be honest.

Can Your Booty Call Turn Into A Relationship?

Well, like I said, anything is within the realm of possibility, but the odds are against you. Let me tell you why. If this person wanted a relationship with you they would have a relationship with you. They would want to see you outside of the bedroom. They would want to hang out and make things exclusive. They aren’t? Well, then chances are it’s because they are interested in only sex. If you really feel that there is something more there and you want to see where it goes, then, you initiate something. Ask them out to something different, something you both would enjoy that doesn’t start or end in sex. If they say yes and actually follow through with it, then you might be on to something. The key is balancing sexual and non-sexual activities, including social ones. Can you function as a “couple” without sex? Yes? Then a relationship might be developing. No? Then you will want to end this arrangement ASAP because you’re only going to get hurt because you want more and they obviously don’t.

Don’t invest your time and energy into someone who only wants you for sex and nothing more. I always say “if someone wants to be with you they will be”. Plain. Simple. Go out and find someone worthy of you and who will appreciate you for all the wonderful things you can bring into their lives. Find someone who fulfills you mind, body and soul. If you need to scratch an itch every once in a while then make sure there are no strings attached with your hook up and you don’t make it a habit and keep it short term. Let’s be honest, isn’t sex oh so much better when two people actually love each other and are committed? When there is an emotional connection that goes both ways? I think so, no, I KNOW so! So make sure you have safe sex always … safe physically, safe emotionally and safe mentally.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Can booty calls turn into a relationship? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

32 comments

  2. I don’t think that it’s in a person’s best interest to turn a BC into a relationship, but stranger things have happened. I think that it may be harder for the guy to get emotionally attached than the lady. Most guys tend to crave situations that don’t require a lot of responsibility. Well, most old school guys do, I can’t speak for the youngsters. LOL!

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    • Thanks Q! You’re right, it isn’t always a good idea to turn a booty call into a relationship, but generally someone won’t booty call you if they actually want a relationship with you, they’ll just BE in a relationship with you. Booty Calls should always be unemotional and most people can’t handle that and that’s when feeling start interfering.

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  3. i am very new to this lol i am in a very long distance relationship but i know my partner’s doing his best to work things out that’s why i love him dearly and we already got plans to get married, in short we’re doing almost perfectly fine. it happens that i met this random guy, totally not available but says not getting any from the wife of 20 years. i managed to exchange messages with him almost everyday for a month and decided to meet him in a public place but agrees to stay anonymous to each other so we both went to a dark washroom at the mall. lol i’m a bit sad maybe coz i already got used to his hi’s and hello’s everyday at the same time happy that he stops messaging and only does it when he wants us to meet in the same dark place. it feels good that he distance himself to me coz i never want him to get in any way to the only thing that keeps me hanging to my fiance and that’s my emotion. i’m glad i read this post about booty call, thank you so much 🙂

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  4. I have been there, I wanted to turn my booty call into a relationship. But things got messed up because we both ended up with feelings and then he turned out to be in another relationship! I agree with you, but what happens when you actually think you can have sex without feelings, but then again there is a time limit. I think booty calls should come with an expiration date. Mine lasted for well 3 years, which was way beyond its expiration date, hence the feelings. What do you think? Is there ‘expiration booty call’?

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    • Thanks for your comment Lissa. 3 years is a long time for a booty call. Actually what you had isn’t a booty call at all, you had a different type of an arrangement. Booty calls are more random. You’re right they should come with an expiration date and shouldn’t be with the same person for an extended period of time because that leads to feelings and confusion.

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  5. i think love is a powerful enough thing to defy anything really so my thoughts are that it is possible regardless of how improbable it is. I won’t advise anyone to do such a thing as it’s a tough thing to convert a booty call to a relationship but it is indeed possible

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    • Thanks for the comment! Yes, all things are possible, but not all things are probable. If there is love then it won’t be a booty call and things should, in theory, naturally progress. However, booty calls by definition are about sex and sex alone. But, again, anything is possible!

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  6. You say there is a time limit, mine has been going on nearly 6 years. I must admit I do have very strong feelings for the guy but I dare not say anything in case it ruins everything….

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    • Ladies you need to understand it is what it is. If you lower your self to meet his needs your are just fooling yourself. He will tell you what you want to hear to keep getting what he wants. Stop fooling your self. Sex for a man is just that. He wants know mental connections. Get out while you can.

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    • omg I understand about the whole saying something might ruin everything. I been missing with mine for 14 years. But he use to be my boyfriend when I was 16. Omg I’m so afraid to say anything

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    • It can happen. My husband and I dated first then I decided cause of an age difference that there would be no way we could have a real relationship, so we be came friends with benefits booty call what ever you want to call it for 4 years even when we were dating other people we couldnt be without eachother . Then we ended up getting married and our bond is strong. So yes it can happen!

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  8. Funny to read this. I always was the relationship kind of woman. Have only had a few boyfriends.
    But honestly, men cannot control me. Im very free spirited and ambitious, pursuing intellect and various hobbies all the time. So I could never fully be in love with anyone. Perhaps I haven’t met someone strong enough that I can look up to.
    For three years, a man was hitting on me with sexual undertones. Literally regularly. Finally, after being absorbed in work and setting up some business related ventures, post a failed relationship – I though, what the hell, lets do this. And we did – and it was literally like fireworks all over the place. Hes stronger, extremely ambitious and married to it. So its a perfect booty call arrangement.
    I meet the male version of me. After regular trysts this past month, hes gone a bit quiet and I see him announcing new ventures hes getting into. But of course, I am sure he has other women on the side, that is if he ever has time. Whenever I have met him, he is literally exhausted. Now (a week after our last very intense encounter), he keeps observing me at the gym I go to (which he OWNS lol) but we are so discreet, I never make play or give him attention openly). And dont have expectations.
    The booty call only works for people who know themselves in an out – and have a fulfilling single life in terms of following their dreams. In the meantime, I am doing my thing and meeting potential suitors as and when I get the time – which these days is more like never!
    Thankyou for this intelligent and well thought out article.

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  9. hello..

    i’ve been seeing this person for about 4 months now. we see each other about 2 to 3 times a month. whenever he comes over he’s never empty handed. he always brings 1 or 2 bottles of wine. we talk for hours before we do the deed. we talk about our personal lives and what not.. he once brought a movie over to watch and wanted to light candles a few nights, to set the mood i guess.. also we went out in public a few times.. two times for dinner and once to a bookstore. he bought me a book he really wanted me to read.. after all this makes me wonder if this is a bootycall.. ? i’ve had bootycalls in my past but it was never like this.. the guy in my past never talks about his life his goals or anything or buys me anything.. so in your opinion, you think there might be a connection here or just in it for sex? ugh i’m so confused. i’m scared to reveal anything cuz he’s so spectacular..

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  10. Hi I’m having some troubles in my booty call relationship. We’ve been sleeping together for seven years on and off. It started when I was 20 with a crush, a bunch of dates and playing hard to get. The relationship just didn’t take off for us, mostly from me being young and unable to control my emotions. This led to a pretty casual booty call with a few dates inbetween. I have spent the last 3 years coming in and out of town,travelling and working abroad. When this started we were seeing each other regularly and he seemed to be really hurt but he’s not my boyfriend so I went on and lived my life. I just got back home after being gone for a long time and since then we have been seeing each other consistently, talking regularly, sleeping together weekly sometimes a few times a week and keep in mind we don’t have drunk sex, we’re both sober. We never go longer than two weeks without seeing one another. We do have sleepovers often and as of the last few cycles over these three years ( that’s what I call them when were together) we haven’t been practicing safe sex (yes I know! Shame on me! Smarten up!) I am not ready to lose him right now but I’m not sure how much longer we can keep this up until someone gets hurt? I don’t know if I want a relationship with him nor do I know if he wants one with me. We’re very different, he’s the suit and tie, fancy cocktail type. I’m the wild child, gypsy and punk bars type of girl. I feel as though the ball is really in my court, I have almost all of the control of the relationship. What I’m trying to get at is…. Should I confront him about his feelings for me? Should I ask him if we should try dating? I feel like he’s guarded of me because I can leave at the drop of a hat. I don’t know if I’m hurting him and I really do care about him, I’m lost. Please help!

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    • Hi Annie. Thanks for sharing your story and your question. You need to decide what you want from him and communicate that clearly. Only you can make that decision. If you want something more with him then take that step, if not, then be sensitive to his feelings for you. Best of luck!

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  11. Hm, what about in this case though? I’m having some troubles in my booty call relationship – since we text every day, whenever I ignore his texts then I get the other text from him after a few hours later. also, it’s been only a month and a half we’ve known each other but met 4 times already. He keeps saying he likes to hang out with me but I can clearly feel he’s making a boundary like doesn’t really open up easily also doesn’t cuddle after sex, too. He recently broke up with his ex so he doesn’t want to date or be serious with anyone for awhile, then again he’s going to Australia in 2months for 5months. I don’t know what to do here cause I can see myself my feelings are quite developing lately. (this sucks.) Should I stop seeing him or ask him to be friends even I like him? Help me!

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    • Stop seeing him!!!! If it is going to feel like a 3 now on a scale from 1-devastating, in a month or two months it could feel like an 8. Better to stop it early.

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  12. New to pof visited with63 yr old divorced. 8 years. Professional man…sex 5 times now awesome but calls 2 weeks sex 1 hour runs home from work meetsvin parking lot go to his place…why in tbe heck would a man this zge who is definitely divorced be doing this? The sex is hot and passionate..his ex remarried do you think its an ego thing? I could see young guys doing this but 63 yr old man? He is on pof constantly…attractive man. Not sure why on that site…

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