Not too long ago I wrote a post called “Shit or Get Off the Pot” which was about someone in an on again / off again long term relationship. Essentially, I advised them to decide what they wanted once and for all. Today, my topic isn’t so different, but, in a way, worse I think. I got an email from someone who has been in a long term relationship, but, unhappy. Here is what they asked …
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I have been with my fiance for 8 years now. I love her very much and she loves me. We enjoy each other’s company and like a lot of the same things. I just can’t bring myself to marry her. I find myself wanting other women, and, yes, I have cheated on her as well. Sex with her is mediocre at best and all efforts to make it better have failed. I just can’t see myself tied down to her the rest of my life. I just feel guilty breaking up with her since we’ve been through so much together and I feel I owe her. She’s not a bad person or companion, but I just don’t want to marry her and feel bad if I break up with her. She has also made comments that she can’t live if she’s not with me. That kind of scares me. What do I do?
Stuck to the Pot
Dear Stuck to the Pot,
That’s quite the dilemma you have there, or so you think. Actually, it’s quite simple really. Break up with her and you’ll be doing both of you a BIG favor. But you already knew I would say that didn’t you? Think of it this way, you don’t want to be there, you are cheating on her, you are lying to her and you are leading her on. How is that beneficial to her or to you even? It’s really really not. Breaking up with her will allow both you and her to find a more suitable partner. I’ll also let you in on a little secret, she is just telling you she can’t live without you to manipulate you and make you feel guilty for wanting to leave. She will be just fine without you. It’s nice to feel that someone’s life depends on yours, but really, she will be fine, probably even better off without you.
Just because you are with someone a long time doesn’t mean that you have to stay with them forever. Every relationship runs its course naturally. Not every relationship will end in marriage, nor does it have to. We are conditioned to think that automatically someone you meet and someone you date is a potential spouse. That’s not true! Someone you meet is your companion for a while, some last longer than others. Somewhere along the path we might find someone we really, truly love and can’t live without … MUTUALLY can’t live without … and then and only then should marriage be considered. Otherwise, just enjoy the ride.
My final word … Break up with her … get off the damn pot!! There’s a line up waiting to use it …
What do you think readers? What advice would you give?
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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