Yes, you heard right. I said “sex is what’s wrong with dating”. I know some of you agree and maybe some of you don’t but stay with me here. I’m not anti sex. Sex is great, wonderful even. It’s one of the best things on earth. Wait, let me rephrase that, sex is one of the best things on earth when it’s done right and with the right person. What does that mean? That means that sex is being taken from a place of awesome to a place of “meh” because it has become just a thing to do, an action, a physical release. Whatever happened to sex being something you shared with someone you cared deeply about? I asked a while back if sex was sacred and so many of you commented back on both sides of the spectrum – yes and no. Most were on the fence. So why is sex what’s wrong with dating? I will tell you.
Why Sex Is What’s Wrong With Dating
Dating is fun, I’ve said that before. There is nothing more exciting than meeting someone new and learning about them. If it turns out to be something or not it’s still a positive thing because you met someone new and you learned if you like that sort of person or not. Win-win. I know not every experience is a good one, but generally it is. What has changed recently is that dating has become about sex first and getting to know each other later. Time after time, date after date, sex becomes a primary focus. It’s like the expectation is there that you should have sex sooner rather than later and you’re weird if you don’t. Since when was it OK to masturbate on the phone with someone before you’ve even met in person? How about sending naked pictures of yourself to someone you hardly know? It wasn’t like this when I was dating in my 20’s. Perhaps social media and technology are giving people a false sense of security and comfort, but in reality these are STRANGERS. Remember that. It’s not only me, I hear it time and again from my readers and from my friends. Sex happens a lot faster than it used to, it’s less of a taboo to have sex on the first date. What happens as a result? Sex becomes the focus and the other things that should be more important become less important.
The Merits Of Waiting To Have Sex
Study after study shows that couples who wait to have sex are much happier in the long run. Why? Because they are taking the time to really get to know each other and assess compatibility without their judgment being clouded by lust (which is almost always confused with love). One recent study concluded that:
The timing of sexual initiation within a couple’s romantic relationship has important associations with later relationship success. Using a sample of 10,932 individuals in unmarried, romantic relationships, they examined how four sexual-timing patterns (i.e., having sex prior to dating, initiating sex on the first date or shortly after, having sex after a few weeks of dating, and sexual abstinence) were associated with relationship satisfaction, stability, and communication in dating relationships. Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes. This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.
That makes a lot of sense to me. Having sex too early in a dating relationship also makes things move faster than they should. The deep bonds required to develop a lasting relationship usually aren’t there. Is this the case for every single person, no, of course not, there are exceptions to everything. But, why think that you’re going to be the exception? There’s always that question of whether to have sex on the first date or not, well, I vote for not. Why should you? Let things take their course in their own time. Wanting them, needing them is lust. That’s all it is and we’re all adults who can control ourselves. Besides, what do you REALLY know about this person? Really? You know what they told you which could be completely false.
What About Casual Sex & Booty Calls?
Well, I’ve said before if you can’t have unemotional sex then these activities aren’t for you. 99.9% of people can’t have unemotional sex even though they think they can and end up hurt and being left empty and alone. So don’t have casual sex and booty calls. Not so easy, is it? I know. Oh trust me I know how hard it is out there and how hard it is to be single and have needs, but, you know what? After you’ve sown your wild oats what’s left? You’re still alone and horny. So what did you accomplish? That’s what I thought.
If you’re not looking for a serious relationship and you only want to have fun and are capable of separating emotion from sex, then do whatever you like but make sure the person you’re doing it with has the same goals in mind and won’t come knocking on your door in love with you. It’s happened to both men and women, so be careful.
In the mean time, those of you looking for love should take a moment to know where your priorities lie. Don’t ruin something potentially good by having sex too soon. Sex is something great and well worth the wait! Yes, someone who wants to be with you will be with you regardless if you have sex early on or not, but, why let your judgment be clouded from seeing them for who they really are and seeing that they really want you for you and not keeping you around for sex. Just wait to have sex and believe me it will be all the more better when it happens … think of all that tension building up … all that rip your clothes off tension just waiting to be released … why on earth would you want to give THAT up???
Have you ever benefited from waiting? Do you think that when you have sex doesn’t matter? Would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva