When I asked my readers to send me their questions I got many different ones, as I’ve mentioned before, the number one question I always get is “can my booty call turn into a relationship?“. Another common theme is all about sexual compatibility. That’s something people always wonder about. As one reader asked, is sexual compatibility REALLY that important? Read on …
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I met the woman of my dreams recently. She has absolutely everything I could hope for. She is gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, fun to be with and she really gets me. We have a great connection, well, almost perfect. The problem is that we are great in every aspect BUT sex. Our sexual compatibility is terrible. Even when we kiss it’s awkward. How could we be perfect in every other way but not in that? It leaves me wondering if it really does matter. Does it?
How Important is Sexual Compatibility?
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
Thank you for your question. I can see why you’re frustrated and, frankly, confused about your relationship. I understand how hard it is to find someone who meets our needs in every way and when you find it you want everything to fall into place naturally. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. There’s always something we need to work on in a relationship. No relationship is perfect. Every single relationship takes WORK in one way or another and that’s completely NORMAL and OK. Does sexual compatibility matter? Of course it does. Should it always come naturally? Not necessarily.
Sexual Compatibility Within the Incompatibility
Sexuality is very personal. Each person likes what they like and have different limits as well as expectations when it comes to sex. One person might want it more than the other or at different times. That doesn’t mean two people who like different things can’t be sexually compatible. Perfect fits don’t exist. Celebrate the differences, explore, use them to your advantage. Talking about it and expressing your desires will only make you closer. Two people who really want to be together and make it work will find this enhances their relationship in every way.
Take it slow and make deliberate moves, especially when kissing. Go back to basics and dim the lights, light a candle, put on some sexy music and make out. Just make out. No sex. Just make out like you did in high school. This is a great way to create desire and sensuality. Then the next time use making out as your starting point and explore each other’s bodies, no sex, just exploring. Touch and kiss them all over, encourage them to do the same to you. Then eventually have sex. You’ll find that it will be much better. Try different positions to see what works for you both. At every level make sure to give your partner verbal queues if you like or dislike something … say “I like that”, “I don’t like that”, “do this” … encourage them to say the same. You’ll find that in no time you will discover what works for the two of you.
So step 1 is MAKE OUT, step 2 is EXPLORE and step 3 SEX … take your time and you’ll see how great it could be. Just have patience.
If all else fails remember that PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!! So don’t be discouraged and don’t give up a good thing just because it needs a little work. No two sexual partners will be the same, it’s all about finding what works for the both of you.
What do you think? Do you think sexual compatibility is important? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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