I’ve written a lot about booty calls and hooking up, and, many times I’ve gotten the same comment that made me reflect a little. What was it? Well, several people have said that booty calls are just free prostitution. Some even say the whole act of dating and casual sex is prostitution! Wow! I thought, now that’s harsh! But, then again, I reflected and thought, well, perhaps they’re right, but then again, aren’t booty calls a sign of the freedom to choose?
It’s really hard to say to be honest, because more often than not, people get emotionally attached to their booty calls (which is why I wrote a post answering if a booty call can turn into a relationship). Time and again I get the question and time and again I tell them no, it can’t. Why? Well, because booty calls are all about the sex, not about the emotion. Anyway, back to the topic at hand … Are Booty Calls prostitution or freedom?
Prostitution
Essentially, prostitution is engaging in sexual acts for money or in exchange for goods of some sort. The argument some people make is that booty calls are free prostitution … that those engaging in booty call acts are no different than those engaging in solicitation and prostitution. Not sure I agree with that. Why not? Well, first of all the whole point of “prostitution” is for financial gain. Some would argue that the whole act of dating is like prostitution. How? For example, a guy wines and dines a woman and at the end of the night she rewards him with some sort of sexual act. How about the guy who buys expensive gifts for a girl who rewards him with a little “somethin somethin”. It happens. Actually, it happens a lot. For him, it was money well spent, for her she was showing her gratitude. Many “dating” arrangements are like that.
So what’s the difference between that and prostitution? I’m still not convinced to be honest. If you are willingly participating in casual sex and you’re getting just as much pleasure out of it, then how is it prostitution? Perhaps if you really think about it, you can fit it under the prostitution umbrella … but it would have to be vaguely defined as that, not really the intention.
Freedom
On the other hand, some will say that Booty Calls and all forms of casual sex give people freedom. It allows them to get their “needs” met while going about their life without having to deal with the “strings” of a relationship. Others use it to “scratch an itch” while they’re looking for a real partner. Some will even just do it for fun … the opportunity arises and they go for it, like in a one night stand with someone you meet at a bar or party. So they are being safe and if all parties involved are doing it willingly what’s the problem? If they are not leading the other person on and both are able to detach emotionally, then what they are doing is their prerogative, right? We are all free to choose our actions? Aren’t we? Sure we are, but we can’t forget that every action has a possible consequence, so it’s not as free as we might think. For example, the other person could turn into a clinger, they could get emotionally attached, you could end up with some sort of infection, pregnancy … well you get the idea. Also, this “freedom” could cost you a potential relationship.
What do I think? Well, I think that people should be able to freely do whatever they feel is right for them as long as they are not harming others or themselves. We are responsible for our own actions AND we are responsible to always state our intentions and expectations clearly whenever we engage in ANY kind of dating or sexual behavior. Always be respectful and honest. Just one word of advice … do yourself a favor and don’t engage in casual sex if you’re truly unable to detach emotionally and if you do engage in it, make sure to read my post on “Booty Call-iquette” for some tips.
Readers what do you think? Are Booty Calls prostitution or are they freedom? I would love to hear your opinion in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Coach Suzie 
OK….. If a woman shows her appreciation for a guy taking her out and “wining and dining” her is called prostitute, what do you call a woman who shows no appreciation in anyway for a man’s efforts? I have run into a few of those ladies, who have it their mind that the man pays for everything. I guess she feels men should be only happy to be in her presence. Of course maybe the main focus of this discussion should address the whole idea of why should you care what other people do. Judging what other people do in their lives can be more of a sin than that booty call. Anyway, as always, great article Suzie..
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Thanks Dan. Agreed … no need to be judgmental, just live your life the way you see fit without hurting anyone in the process … too much to ask?
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“Well, first of all the whole point of “prostitution” is for financial gain. Some would argue that the whole act of dating is like prostitution. How? For example, a guy wines and dines a woman and at the end of the night she rewards him with some sort of sexual act.”
Actually, that’s exactly right. The problem is that we accept the premise that prostitution is “bad” and therefore go to great lengths to find distinguishing characteristics between what we call “prostitution” and what we call casual dating/sex – despite the obvious similarities between the two. We do not want dating and prostitution to be associated with each other because of the stigma involved with prostitution. But, in fact, why is prostitution bad? If two consenting adults wish to have sex, why is it yours or my business? If they want to have a nice dinner first, exchange some jewelry, or just get right down to it, who cares? Whether you outright pay for sex, or whether you go through the fiction of buying a nice dinner in exchange for sex (wink wink), who cares? Two consenting adults should be free to do whatever they wish to do as long as no one is being harmed or forced to do anything against their will.
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You make some good points Mike. It really is people’s own business what they do and people have to work out their values and ethics on their own. What’s good/bad for me isn’t always good/bad for you. As long as both are on the same page then all’s good, right?
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Prostitution is transactional and it satisfied a need for money. I’d think that for most prostitutes, sexual acts are just a job, and they detach emotionally from it and probably don’t derive a ton of pleasure. Booty calls, on the other hand, fulfill a physical need. By no means are they liberating if you get emotionally attached, but I don’t think that booty calls and prostitution can even be compared.
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I think booty calls are more like prostitution. If you’re using someone only for sex I see a lot of similarities between that and prostitution. What person who cares about other people would use someone else simply for their own gratification with little regard to the other person. Additionally, what self-respecting person would let someone else use them only for sex? I think booty calls cheapen sex and give the wrong impression of what sex is for.
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Thanks Aaron! That’s quite the stand! I have heard from others it’s just using each other for sexual gratification, but is it really using when you’re both doing it for the same reason and intentions are clear?
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Using each other? Whether it’s mutually using each or not, I don’t see why someone would want to be used by someone else. I guess I have too much self-respect to let someone use me…even if it would be mutual. Besides, it really cheapens the meaning of sex as just a physical gratification. Sex is so much more than when you do it right.
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I’m afraid that I have to disagree with the good doctor (not that my opinion means anything over his credentials) 🙂 I don’t think that a booty call and prostitution are the same. A prostitute isn’t looking for pleasure when it comes to sex, but participants in booty calls are trying to be pleased. And just because someone wants the self-satisfaction of a booty call doesn’t mean that they’re not attempting to please the other person either. Some people take pride in their performance and wouldn’t do anything to prevent a call back.
I’m not advocating booty calls or anything like that because it does cheapen what love making is supposed to be. However, I think that it’s “something to do” for a handful of society and in no ways compares to a street walker hustling to get the power bill paid.
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I tend to discount people who have lofty degrees and want you to agree with them because of that education. But yes, you are quite correct – there is no connection between booty calls and prostitution. And….how did this discussion turn into using people? I guess by that line of thought , we all are used by people – if you have a job, you are prostituting yourself for that pay check. Of course we can always go back to the idea as to why people are so judgmental about others getting booty calls – i.e. why is it your business to police everyone around you. Maybe a lot of people are jealous of the Booty call participants 🙂 I just believe there is a symbiotic relationship going on with those calls
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This was my favorite line “I’m not advocating booty calls or anything like that because it does cheapen what love making is supposed to be. However, I think that it’s “something to do” for a handful of society and in no ways compares to a street walker hustling to get the power bill paid.”
I have officially retired from Booty Calls. Although I think it’s important to love or care about the person you’re being intimate with, you have to worry about what COULD happen. Say you get an STD? Say you get pregnant? I know for one thing that I don’t want to ever worry about what would happen especially with getting pregnant. I’ve never had an STD before however most are curable, a child is not (I’m Pro-Choice, however I would not chose to abort a baby). Most of the time, that Jobless Hottie with The Body, who lives with his mama, is NOT going to be able to financially support a child. I think about consequences now vs. gratification…
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Amen to that, Randall!
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