Yes, you heard me right. I don’t make a habit of dating men with kids. I am not ashamed of it. I don’t apologize for it. I just don’t usually do it. Why? Dating men with kids takes someone very selfless and someone who is good at compromising her precious partner time. I’ve said before that partner priority relationships is where I’m at. What does that mean? It means that I like to come first. Not second, not third, not last, first.
When you have someone with kids, the kids come first (as they should) and I can’t compete with that priority. So, in order to avoid those problems, dating men with kids is something I don’t do. Now I know it’s not always that black and white and some men really do have their shit together and can balance their lives, but that’s the exception to the rule. There is a lot of merit to men with kids. I don’t deny that at all. They are usually more mature and responsible and have their shit together because they have to. They are also more affectionate from what I’ve experienced. I mean I always say never say never, because anything’s possible.
Dating Men With Kids … The Great Sacrifice
Am I being melodramatic? No. I don’t think so. Why not be honest? Why should I settle for less than I know I want and deserve. There are some amazing men out there with some great kids I’m sure of it. I’ve met many of them, and, yes I have dated them. What happens is that inevitably I get put aside for one reason or another, all good reasons. That’s when I decided that this probably isn’t for me. I don’t mean to offend or exclude anyone but I just can’t do it. Boy do guys get offended when I don’t go out with them because they have young children that are at the center of their lives! Why? I am being honest not offensive.
Don’t forget the mothers, you also have to deal with her too. If it was a clean divorce/break up with no kids then she isn’t in the picture. As the mother she is! Often times that comes with drama. I don’t want to deal with someone else’s baggage. I just don’t. Then there’s the spontaneity or lack of it. You need to work around the custody and children’s schedule. I want to be able to be with my partner when it feels right. Am I limiting my choices? Well, definitely. In my age range many men who are single have had children. But, I would rather limit my choices than settle for something that I know won’t make me happy. I really don’t want to play evil stepmother. Someone else’s kids shouldn’t be my responsibility. I don’t hate kids, I love kids, I just don’t want to deal that’s all.
Dating men with kids is not for everyone. Some women love it and that’s great. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, I’m just saying it’s not my first choice. I do date men with kids over 18 though, they don’t really need their parents as much. Kids under 18? I rarely go there so don’t ask and please don’t get offended. Now, you never know, I might be proven wrong one day and meet an amazing guy with kids who his life in order. Never say never. I’m sure you have some dealbreakers as well … some of them might even offend. We like what we like and it’s time to be proud of who we are and what we want. Be true to you.
What do you think readers? Are you a man with kids? Are you a single woman in the same opinion as me? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Coach Suzie 
Tnx all for ur contributions…im in a relationshp with a guy aged 37 ad im 25…he has a 6 yrs old son with his ex gf.i love him so much and he loves me too..he just proposed to me.he s a good man.wat do i do cox im becoming scared due to the things iv read..i wouldnt wnt to regret my actions in future.plz advce me.tnx
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Well, if you don’t mind being after the kid and the ex and don’t mind supporting them then it’s not a big deal. Maybe it’s me but a man with children from an exgirlfriend always sends warning vibes.
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I can’t tell you what to do in this situation because it’s your life and you decide how to live it. If you’re at the point where you’re thinking about marriage you’ve probably already spent several years on this relationship and if you’re still happy with all the relations it should be fine. If you haven’t been with your boyfriend for several years you really shouldn’t even be thinking about marriage since you don’t know enough about him or his life to make a well informed decision about your life.
As someone who grew up around marriage en divorce councilors en psychologists I can however point out some pitfalls most women encounter when getting married to a man who already has a child.
you’ll never have the same place in his life as he he does in yours. To you, he will have first priority, to him his children will have priority and for many menthat includes first taking care of the needs and wishes of his ex. Putting you at best in a 3rd place spot.
depending on the custodyagreement his children will come to your home. You’ll have to adjust to that. He will have to decide with his ex about the times his child will be around. If he’s a good man he will include you and talk to you about schedules but when it comes down to it him and his ex decide. For you this means another woman will have a say in how you spend many of your weekends, when you can go on vacation, how you spend many of your holidays and to a certain extent where you live.
if you future stepkids come around your house certain rules your hubbies ex put down will apply. You will only have limited say in what happens in your own home because at the end of the day, he’s not yours, he’s theirs. If you’re lucky your husband will put down goor groundrules and his son will comply. If not and your husband feels he should be fun dad for whatever reason, the child will run wild and you won’t be able to do anything about it.
as a result of your stepson coming over certain rules put down by your husbands ex will apply in your home. This also means that, should you have children of your own you either have to raise them following the same rules or deal with the difficulties of trying to explain to young children why certain rules only apply to certain children. What this will come down to is his ex having more control over how you raise your future children then you have over the little boy that actually comes to your home.
your husband will have to pay childsupport and contribute to raising his child. This means less money for your own children if you ever have them. Your children might have to go without because he has to pay for his son first.
These we just the major issues that cause resentment on the long term. If these are things you can live with and you think your love is enough to het trough it all then go for it. You already said you’re scared. Think about these points and if these are things you can’t live with save yourself the heartache and find someone without these downsides. Keep in mind you don’t have to marry him yet. If you’re really not sure let him know you want to continue dating for a while. Ask him to give you more insight in his life and sit him down and ask how he sees all of this play out in the future. Some of these things might not even be an issue if you really talk them trough and lay down some clear grond rules you can both support. Some of these things are disadvantages that will always be there and won’t go away no matter how much you talk. It’s up to you to figure out what you are willing to live with for him and what would eventually break you up.
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Emma – This really helped me thank you for writing this
I found the strength to walk away it’s been two weeks and it’s been heart breaking- as I also have to see him at work daily!! But he also said to me he not sure about kids in the future as he gets older ( he is 42 and I am 30 he already has two girls 15 and 11) I couldn’t take this at all as I would defo want kids… plus always being second priority! I am heartbroken and seeing him at work all the time adds to it.. feel like i wont find anyone else
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