34 comments

1. This guy sounds like quite a catch for the right girl. He’s being pro-active, he’s going places no matter where he is right now. I met my husband when we were both broke (at college) so all dates were cheap – you can’t say we had any less fun! I supported him through a few lean years when he was just getting going in his career and I was doing well in mine and now he gets well paid and I stay home so it’s all give and take. No guy should be seen as a meal ticket and as long as he’s honest up front it will be a good sifting mechanism for women who are only after a guy because he has money. Money is nice but it’s not everything.

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   • Thanks Ana. Would you go through the same thing now? I think when you’re young and in the processing of building together then it’s one thing, but, when you’re already established would you date a broke guy?

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2. I think I would be more cautious about it and work out how seriously he was taking building up his career or whether he was looking for someone to pay his way for him forever more. If you’re very successful in your career it’s very limiting to only look for a guy who is richer than you. Why limit yourself like that? If he has a personality you like, sex appeal, and the ambition to achieve whatever he wants to achieve (whether that will make much money or not) he’d be more exciting to me than a millionaire without those attributes any day of the week. Problem is we women want it all really – preferably now – personality, good looks, sex appeal, ambition, money. That means there are about half a million women after one guy – and he’s already got a girlfriend!

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3. I’ve dated broke men. There is a world of difference between dating a broke man and a broken man. Broke is temporary.

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   • Thanks for the comment! Yes you’re right, as long as their financial situation is temporary most people can handle it. Emotional instability and other problems? Not so much.

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   • That’s a wonderful attitude.

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4. LOVE this post! I’m having this issue right now. Too many scrubs in my area but also because it’s a college town there are a lot of “students” in the area. The Second Career gov program has boomed the “broke” status of a lot of men. I can live with the broke status because I was there not too long ago and understand it. That being said I won’t be someone’s meal ticket. Sadly, I have to steer clear of a lot of men who are students because they have plans of moving to further their career. I’m a mom, own a house and my careers is where I am. In other words I agree that Honesty is the best route…not only about your finances but about your plans after school. Unless the person is single with no kids, it’s unlikely starting something with someone who has their life together will work out in the long run. Miracles do happen though…so who really knows! 🙂

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   • So glad you liked the post! Thanks for the comment 🙂 You raise a good point, the person you’re dating has to fit into your world as much as you have to fit into theirs. Your reality is that you need to stay put and someone with “big plans” to leave town doesn’t work for you. That’s why finding a “good fit” is so important.

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5. Thanks for the tips Diva!! I loved your advice of ‘the important thing is to give them the choice’. Not being upfront about your financial situation has the potential of giving off the wrong impression. I think it’s shallow girls who choose not to date men simply because of their money, but they deserve the right to have a choice to be shallow. And if they won’t date you because you’re broke, you dodged a bullet early on. Be thankful.

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   • Thanks Aaron! I disagree with the point about being “shallow”. It depends where a girl is in her life. I’ll give you an example. At this point I am established in my life and I’m looking for the same. I want a partner to do activities with, travel with and go to events with. Someone with a limited budget cannot do any of these things. I don’t want anyone’s money, I have my own, I just want someone who’s settled in their life. Finding a partner is about finding someone who fits into your lifestyle and plans for the future. That includes things that cost money. When I was younger the money thing didn’t matter to me at all, we would build together, but, at my age, things are different and it’s NOT because I’m shallow.

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     • That’s certainly valid, but would it then depend on whether the financial situation is clearly long-term or more likely to be temporary? I’ll use myself as a more tangible example. I’m normally in the top 5% of US workers in terms of income, but when I had to leave my position so that I could work from home (temporary medical situation for one of my kids and me), I had to reel it in a little. Then silly season opened up in the political landscape, leading to sequestration, and independent consulting in my government-oriented circles dried up almost entirely. Being a father of two with a big mortgage and all that, it made things tight for a while. The medical situation now resolved, I’ve returned to the corporate world and that top 5%.

       The differences between how receptive women were prior to my independent status, after that move, during the dry period, and now were quite stark. It’s clearly any person’s prerogative to dismiss a prospective date for whatever reason, but I found this contrast repulsive and cause for great cynicism as to double-standards and motives.

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       • Thanks for your comment and sharing your personal story. You make a good point. A man’s financial situation certainly doesn’t dictate his worth. Women need to assess the situation and determine for themselves whether or not they want to enter into it. Thanks again!

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   • No, they have to be tricked, they deserved it for being so materialistic XD just joking – please approve this comment 🙂

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6. I have to disagree with you on something Diva… I believe most women *would* be okay dating someone broke… if they’re attracted to him, most faint of heart hopeless romantic women overlook every little thing and chuck all caution to the wind for the chance at love… That does NOT mean it’s the wrong choice, it simply means it’s a life choice… if you choose to date college student guy, just know you’ll be forking over the dough any time you want to go out together. But honestly that’s called real life… Get used to it. But equal time here on the honesty – if the guy is being honest about this, it’s vital for a woman to know her own limitations and be honest as well… ask how long this will last… discuss the expectations, and what you really want etc… BE OPEN. Just my two cents !

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   • And when I say it’s “real life” – the point is there are never any guarantees. Your six figure earning soul mate could lose his job and decide to go back to school… or fall ill and have to change careers… these things happen. We can’t always plot and plan. We can choose, and that’s what this is about!

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     • Thank you Lisa. Very nice words. Question to you: I am dating a lady that i like a lot. We had a great time together. But she started to ask me things about career and money. The point is, i am sick and broke and i am not able to work or earn enough. From the outside i look athletic and charming, most don’t see my problems. She doesn’t know yet that i am sick and that i cannot earn enough, she only knows that i had some low income in the past and i just told her that i am looking for a well-paid job. But her questions about carrer and money have hurt me in some way. I never wanted to go to university, i just learned a job, i am programmer. What can i do? I was happy with my simple life until this woman came and made my heart beat faster. want to cry

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   • Thanks Lisa Jey! I agree that many women wouldn’t mind dating a broke guy, but it really depends on what she is looking for in a partner and how he fits into her lifestyle. True that someone could lose their job one day but it’s different when you’re in a loving committed relationship. You support each other. However, I’m under no obligation to support a guy I just met financially. You definitely could play out hundreds of scenarios in your head but in the end you have to do what’s best for you.

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     • very true… don’t we all? LOL

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7. This was interesting but I have to wonder, how many women are willing to go on those types of dates? Call me superficial but I am not interested in walking in the park and on a beach with a man that I am interested in getting to know better, in my books, those types of dates are reserved when we are in love…not dating! Window shopping is cute and all but if I wanted to do that, I would go with a girlfriend. I think that if a man can’t afford to date, he needs to wait until he can bring something to the table besides empty pockets and bubble gum.

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   • Thanks Ty! Yes not many women past their college years would want this type of arrangement. You just have to find someone who fits into your lifestyle.

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   • Does this apply to women as well? That is, does a woman who isn’t financially comfortable have any business dating? Does she have to bring something better than empty pockets and chapstick?

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     • You should read my post today about dating broke women 🙂

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   • I disagree. The point of dating is to get to know the other person, thus somewhere quiet, like a walk, is perfect for that. It is hard to fight the consumerism in this country. People are materialistic and don’t even know it. I’ve never cared for owning things, I can fit everything I own into a backpack. To me, owning things like a house is an anchor that ties me down, I want to be able to travel and see the world.

     As long as the person likes you and you like them, the date doesn’t matter. Too many people get hung up on what the date costs, or other aspects of it.

     I wouldn’t do the window shopping thing, as shopping is fairly boring and I don’t want stuff anyways.

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     • You still have to live and you still need a job. If you can fit everything you own in a backpack ….you are homeless. Where do you take your date after the movies or dinner? To your backpack or the homeless shelter. I am a man with finacial ups and super downs. Trying to stay a float is tough being single. I have a job but im in a payday loan cycle…sucks terrible. I am beyond broke BUT i still date and have a girlfriend. Its ok to fake it til you get back. These girls are lying dude just believe me. I work 40 hours a week and have a house. ….BUT i dont even get a paycbeck . I have to take a payday loan out which i can barley pay back in the 2 week time period. Ladies are cool with just kicking it with you. Go to the park or beach in the day. Buy a cheap 12 pack and wine for her. The park alone might be enough. She just want out of her dull life for a second……BROKE BLACK MAN…but imma be balling again lol.

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   • Why are so many women materialistic? It hurts to think about that. It sound more like business than love

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8. A 50+ singles, male perspective.

   I’ve become indifferent to the subject of money and dating. This summer I dated a woman who was in between jobs and didn’t have much money at all. We managed to find things to do and enjoy each others company. More recently I dated a woman who earned twice what I did and was very well off. On the 2nd date we had a lunch. I paid for it. She was surprised. I was surprised she was surprised. I’m flexible when it comes to incomes. My experience is that flexibility is not reciprocated. My feeling is generally women have more concerns with income.

   For context. I make above the national average. I own a condo, or more accurately I own a mortgage. I have a car and a motorcycle. The motorcycle is paid for. I have an awesome home theatre system. I might be able to travel once a year. For women in my age group this often isn’t enough. My problem is I attract a fair share of decent women. When the conversation turns to money they bolt. Often these women are very successful. They no longer have to raise children, and have lots of money and don’t want to date down financially.

   What to do about it? Nothing. If a woman doesn’t want to date me because I’m too short, what do I do? Nothing. Same with money. I can’t expend energy on I things I can’t change. I keep my positive attitude and accept I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, for whatever reason.

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   • Thanks Michael. Different strokes for different folks, right. It’s all about finding the right fit and it goes both ways. You’ve rejected women for reasons that are important to you but perhaps not relevant in their perspective, so as long as you have a good attitude about it then you’re ahead of the game.

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9. Around 6 or so yrs ago I met a guy online, who has just turned 51, had no money, only tried to start out his own business, shared living space with his younger brother and referred to his car as an item of immovable property as the (w)itch wouldn’t start, unless you gave her a kick on the boot. He’s been honest about his not so brilliant state of financial affairs and told me straight that he wasn’t sure how long it would take us to get together. Oh, i forgot to mention, that we were living in different countries 13thousand kilometers apart and i was 24 yrs him younger. Took us about 2 years to pull our bucks together so i would be able to come and spend some time with him in South Africa. For the sake of sparing space in the comment box i won ‘t go into details of how we were struggling and battling, i can imagine that a lot of “self-respecting”ladies might start throwing eggs and tomatoes in my direction for bringing the very aspect of female gender into disrepute. But heck, i am proud of what we went through, as they say, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Looking back at our very uncomfortable past which was only illuminated by pure love and devotedness we can better appreciate our relationship; you do not destroy something so easy, which you had to fight for. Same way well we enjoy and value our financial success as nothing is so dear to you like something you have built with your own hands. The point of my long writing is, that though the money is one of the essentials of our poor human existence, it shouldn’t rule our lives and make us, it should be rather you who makes the money.

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   • Thanks for sharing your experiences Diana. Sometimes going out of our comfort zone will yield amazing results! Happy that it all worked out for you 🙂

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     • Thanks for your kind response. Another point of my comment is not to brag or bring myself out as a big hero but to encourage other people to be daring and ready to grab the bull by the horns. What works for someone who is not rich and famous might work for any of us if we believe in ourselves:)

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10. I totally agree with the broke vs lazy comment. I consider myself to be relatively ‘with it’ financially and I would be okay dating a guy who was broke so long as he was in a transition of some sort (between jobs, back to school for a specific end result, etc) or had the desire to get himself back on track. I know some great guys who I’d happily date (if they weren’t already happily attached) who aren’t rolling in dough but are doing something they love and are passionate about. To me, that scenario is vastly different than the guy who doesn’t care to get himself together enough to even try.

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11. Good topic. I lately fell for a “broke” guy in his 40s. I liked him because he is a creative type among other things. But the broke thing bothered me for one reason. Because he didn’t have money to spend on me I don’t think I’d ever feel loved by him. That is because I picked up the few times I was with him that he is not very giving emotionally, materially or physically ( I know, I know, why like him??? I agree! But I did for whatever reasons). So getting the vibe that he is not giving in others areas and cannot financially (pay for dates) my intuition told me I’d never feel loved by him. That is one big reason I would steer away from dating a guy with little money UNLESS he was the generous type who gave in other ways.

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    • Hello Yogagurl. Seems you’re doing yoga and maybe like spiritual values. I am not sure if love can be expressed by spending money. I am broke, so i cooked for my date and me a very big meal. It worked with low budget, so i worked on a special evening. This is the kind of material i can offer instead of money: being creative and open minded.

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12. how can one surprise his boyfriend??

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