Suzie

Online Dating Boundaries and Giving Out Your Telephone Number

online-dating-telephone-number

Most of us are quite seasoned in the online dating world. Regardless of which site (or sites) you’re on, you deal with the same types of issues.  There are countless inappropriate requests that come in, so how do you weed them out? Well, you just have to do it. Regardless of how clear you are in your profile you will still get outrageous requests and stupid messages.  But, in general, most people are polite.  What I’ve noticed recently is that a lot of guys are skipping to giving their telephone number pretty much right away and wanting to navigate away from the site and onto texting. Some have even asked for my Facebook account … yup, seriously.  So what is appropriate and what isn’t when you’re first chatting online?

Online Dating Boundaries

It’s important to remember that stranger danger is REAL! I spoke about this in my post “The False Sense of Security That Comes From Online Dating“.  You may think you know all about the person you’re chatting with.  They seem nice enough, but you are only seeing what they want you to see.  You know absolutely nothing about them or their lifestyle.  Sometimes it’s obvious that they are a tool … but more often than not it’s not obvious.  So you have to set your boundaries almost immediately when you’re chatting online and before you’ve met someone in person and decided to move further.

Setting youonline-dating-boundariesr boundaries means that you don’t give out personal identifiable information about you. You can give a general idea about where you live (for example, you live in the city center).  You can give a general idea about where you work and what you do, but don’t be specific about which office building you’re in.  Give a general idea about your hangouts, but not details such as “every Tuesday I take a spinning class at X gym on X street”.  Don’t give your social media accounts out or anything that can trace them back to you.  What about your telephone number?

Giving Out Your Telephone Number

What do you do if they give you their number and ask you to call them or text them? What if they ask for yours? Do you give it? It’s really your personal preference.  It really depends how comfortable you are with the idea of a stranger having your number (and yes they are a stranger).  I personally do not give my number out anymore unless there has been a first date and there is a potential for a second date.

I will admit I used to, but I just don’t feel comfortable doing it because I’ve had some weirdos I didn’t want to talk to keep texting and calling even after months of not talking.  To me, my number is for those I want to interact with and don’t mind continuing to interact with.  That’s why I like apps like BBM or other similar ones … you just add them without having to give your number and can chat.  Also, with most of the online dating sites having apps, just chatting on the apps works great too. If things don’t work out, you can just delete them and problem solved.

Many people give their personal information and numbers out freely and I think that’s a mistake.  Be cognizant of what you’re doing at all times with online dating and the people you meet.  You wouldn’t want a problem later on.  When I refused one guy my Facebook account he quickly told me that he promises not to stalk me too much … you know what I did? BLOCK!! Next!!

Each and every person has their own personal boundaries and you know what yours are, just be cautious and both women and men should remember that their safety and privacy comes first.

Stranger danger is REAL … DATE SMART my friends!!

Do you give out your personal information when you meet someone new online? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

22 comments

  1. I find this an easy one.
    ” I would like to talk to you in person or on the phone. I can give you my number if you like.”
    Hasn’t failed yet.

    I have given out my number and later received unwelcome calls/texts. My phone is capable of blocking phone numbers for voice calls and can send unwanted texts to a spam folder, I also think it’s important to learn how to create email filters and how to block people on social media. Good judgment should ensure you don’t have to do it often. But lets face it. Some people are pretty good actors.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have the same suggestion I do – bbm. Now that it is available for most phones it is an excellent tool for online dating. You give them your PIN, you accept their request, and you can chat away.

    If it doesn’t work out and you delete them, they automatically disappear from the other person’s contact list – including any chat history.

    It’s free and it’s easy to use. Go get it now. (I swear I don’t work for BlackBerry – haha)

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  3. Oh mah gosh, I AGONIZED over this giving out personal info issue. Like you, I was really surprised how quickly men offered (and asked for) a phone number. I wish I would have thought about this more before I registered for any dating websites, and had my boundaries firm in my mind beforehand, so it wouldn’t have caused me so much anxiety. I ended up only giving my number to guys after I met them in person, and luckily didn’t have issues with creepers. I never friended any dates on social media.

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  4. I found it helpful to have a googlevoice number. That way I can give my number out, but still have it in a category that pertains ONLY to the people on the dating website. Great post!

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  5. You’re so right, but for me that’s part of the fun of dating sites. I have a profile on several sites and I actually like the off the wall and sometimes outrageous messages; they’re entertaining. But I digress, you are absolutely right, they are a Stranger. My solution is that I never give out my cell, but if I connect with someone and really like my communications with them, I will take it live by Phone only (not video) via Skype. Skype is still one-on-one and you can take calls through your computer, but if the person is just, well, creepy, you can hang up and block them from every contacting you again. Problems solved. But yes, I agree, date safely first and always keep ‘stranger danger’ in mind.

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  6. I have to admit I do progress from dating sites quickly onto text or voice. I don’t really have time to exchange emails a lot and I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to meet someone that I’ve never spoken to before. I think you can tell a lot from speaking on the phone first, how the person talks, how you get on when talking.

    Admittedly there is a very small risk that they may become a bit stalkerish, but after all of my experiences, I can probably say I’ve had very very few of those and its very easy to block numbers on smart phones.

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  9. Hi,
    I’m not going to say that I disagree with what you say here or that what you said is wrong.
    But I like to bring up the point that dating is a gamble no matter how cautious you are.
    The reality is that if when you open yourself up to another person you risk the possibility
    of being hurt–both emotionally and physically. The closer you get to a person the more
    damage they can potentially do to you. Yet at the same time you cannot be intimate
    WITHOUT closeness. Sure you can have a great friendship over a long distance
    but you can’t make love to someone unless they’re right there in front of you.
    While we may not all admit it I think we pretty much all want this and not simply in a
    lustful manner. Yet this brings up the very real threat of rape. Rape can only
    happen if they’re right there in front of you and it doesn’t happen only with strangers.
    The difference between sex and rape is a difference in opinion. Meaning that with
    sex two people share the same opinion: they want each other. But with rape only
    one person wants the other while the other does not. Rape takes while sex gives.

    What is the easiest way to avoid rape?

    Simple never have face to face interaction with another human being.

    But this is no way to live. The best thing to do is to trust your instincts. If a person makes you feel uncomfortable then there’s probably a reason for that. Use common sense and remember that
    nobody can force a relationship. Also consider going out on double dates. It’s less romantic but
    anybody who has any real interest in you will gladly consider. Though remember some people
    can be shy.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I don’t agree with your advice…talking on the phone and texting are ways to get to know someone better….if you don’t do these things you won’t get to know someone better…..nobody on dating websites wants to exchange hundreds of emails and arrange a date without talking first.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your input “Bob the Builder”. Fair enough, texting and talking on the phone are great ways to get to know someone, but how often have you wasted chatting with people only to meet them and be disappointed? Why not meet as soon as possible and get it out of the way? No need for lots of messages back and forth. As I mentioned in my post, people need to do what they feel is best for them, but, personally I prefer to meet someone as soon as possible and don’t feel the need to share my personal info before deciding to see them again. Thanks again for stopping by! Best of luck 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Its really better someone should be careful and every moment on dating site,of recent i met a woman on badoo i told that i am a civil engineer that i am out of the state, she could not believe me because she had hear so many words like, the point is that, she could now believe until i came back to state then i called her.she had say sure a lot of words to me that i am scam, its was the only the call that prove me through the i am a real person.

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      • I have to disagree with the number and personal info thing, at least to an extent. If im chatting with someone online and want to pursue it further, i think its appropriate for us to swap full names and phone numbers. Especially if distance is a factor. I think that agreeing to meet up with someone you haven’t already met in person should be preceded by a phone call or at the very least some proof or validation that the person is who they say they are. Just google catfishing and you will see where I’m coming from.

        With that said, I am not saying you should give out contact info right away, but i think that after a month has passed or when the idea of meeting comes into play then swapping info is not only apropriate but a necessary precaution. Again, there are other factors to take into consideration here, like distance.

        i recently had a falling out with a girl i was chatting with who lives in another state because she wouldnt tell me anything that could confirm her identity. She wouldnt just not give full name or number, she was sneaky about itby redirecting the convo whenever i brought it up. I asked her what the deal was and she gave me a story about being stalked by a cop she dated and was now freaked at giving out info. But yet she was fine with meeting me in person first. Even though i live 3000 miles away and for all she knew i could be jason voorhees. Breaking point came when i asked her for a proof pic of her holding a card with my name on it, to which she replied she understood where im coming from and then went silent. Wouldnt have pushed the issue if it hadnt been for a few contradictions i caught her in. Well that and after 5 months of constant chatting and a plan to meet this fall, i felt i had a right to know what i was getting into and who i ws falling for.

        i know that story isnt the norm, but the point im making with it is that the tight lipped policy you suggest opens the door for catfishing. Its not fair for someone to just accept that youre who you say without some kind of proof. But i also realize that you need to protect yourself as well. Just my 2 cents.

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    • Yes thank you Bob! “Stranger danger” is real however, I don’t think it’s right to berate men for asking for a number. I personally do not want to keep emailing until the end of time. Just don’t blow me up with texts and we’re good!

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  12. I have been asked to give my number out to a girl I have been emailing on a dating site, so that we can talk on whats app. Is there any danger in this?

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  13. I know that I can block people from calling my phone so I give it out if I’m interested enough in women after about two or three good email messages. I’m a guy so I feel like the norm is for me to initiate contact or else wait for the minority of women that may initiate contact to get things going. Bad odds. Maybe Skype is the same thing but it’s just a substitute for a phone number. Everyone tries to make it sound creepy to give out a number. But wouldn’t it sound creepy if I said “hey lets Skype!” That may or may not cause hesitation because of the learning curve involved with face to face calls. Texting and calling is far more normal. Why not meet face to face instead of texting? That just comes next. This is basically blind dating with an online introduction. Not the same buildup to dating people from real world scenarios.

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  14. Great post! A couple of guys wrote about getting a “Google Voice” phone number – I’d never heard of that. So, I did a quick search, found how to get the free number, got it and then set up the voice message box – it was all incredibly easy. Now, THIS is the way to go! Thanks.

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