Not too long ago I wrote an Ask Single Dating Diva piece called “Dating Broke Men“. It generated much discussion on Twitter (inspiring some chats) and I received a number of emails and communications asking me about the other side of the coin … namely, Dating Broke Women. Traditionally, men should be the ones who pay for everything shouldn’t they? Perhaps. But, times have changed. Especially since a lot of women make good salaries, even higher salaries than men do. However, even if men step up and pay for things does that give the right to women to take advantage of their generosity? If a woman, broke or not, expects men to pay does that make them greedy? Let’s discuss …
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I read your post about Dating Broke Men and it’s all well and good, but, what about broke women? I’ve dated some of those too! There are a lot of greedy women out there. They expect men to pay for everything all the time. All they seem to want are materialistic things – buy me this and buy me that. What happened to their OWN money?
These women won’t date someone unless they have money to wine and dine them and buy them whatever they want. Some women even just date in order to be taken to nice restaurants and events. I like to be a gentleman and don’t mind paying for things, but there has to be a balance. So what are your thoughts on that?
Not So Broke Man
Dear Not So Broke Man,
Thank you for your email and your question. I know that it might seem that “all women” are like that but that’s not true at all. Not all broke women are greedy and not all greedy women are broke. Most women just want a man who has his act together, a man who has a job, a roof over his head and willing to work together with his partner to make a good life for himself and his family.
Personally, after my divorce I was broke and struggling but I certainly didn’t expect or want any handouts. Now that I’m on my feet I would like someone who is, at the very least, at the same stage of life as me. I’m in my 30’s, so the expectation is that the man I’m with have his act together, just like I do. It makes sense to me. I don’t want a man who is just starting out or struggling financially. I want someone who can share the same lifestyle as me, who can afford to eat dinner out, travel and go to events. That doesn’t mean he has to pay for me but he has to be able to afford it. I had a different mentality in my 20’s, I was OK to build a future together with my partner. Now, I just want to enjoy life. Am I greedy? No, I don’t think so. I consider myself practical. Are there greedy women out there? Yes, of course there are. But, you can’t generalize.
Dating Broke Women
Women also need to have more realistic expectations. We can’t all have wealthy partners who will take care of us. But, some women actually are broke. They have limited funds for whatever reason, perhaps they are single mothers, perhaps they are in school or maybe they just lost their job. Whatever the reason for it, they are just plain broke. Does that mean they can’t date? No it doesn’t but they also shouldn’t expect a man to pay their way. It’s not fair. Anytime a woman goes on a date she should always make sure to have enough money to cover her costs in the event that he doesn’t pay. If a broke woman really wanted that sort of “arrangement” then they need to find themselves a sugar daddy who is happy to pay their way willingly (for his own, ahem, fee). Otherwise, women should never expect anything from anyone. It’s just plain greedy! Like that woman who serial dates men that only take her to expensive restaurants she wants to try. Just because she’s attractive she feels that she’s entitled. That’s greedy and unfair and gives a bad name to other women!
It’s also up to men to spend responsibly. I realize that going on many dates can be very expensive. That’s why I always suggest a coffee or a drink be the maximum for a first date. Once you know you would like to continue with them, then, you can start spending a bit more money. Don’t let a woman take advantage of you. If you want to treat them to something nice then that’s your choice and you shouldn’t hold it against them. Some women would argue a man prefers a “needy woman” rather than a woman who has her shit together.
Traditionally, I would say that yes, men should pay for at least the first date, perhaps more, but women shouldn’t expect it and should always say thank you when men do pay because really they don’t have to. If a woman is demanding and asks for material things from you early on then that’s a red flag. A woman should be polite and gracious. If a woman “talks big spending” and she doesn’t have the funds to big spend herself, she might just be looking for a big spender. Beware the big spender!
Men, remember that not all women are greedy and out to get your money. Just like not all men are pigs who only want to get you in bed. Just date smart and choose wisely and that will increase the likelihood of you meeting someone who’s just plain normal and who’s on the same page as you. Imagine that!
In the mean time … enjoy one of my favorites 😉
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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