As Dave glances from across the room he sees Monique in the heights of ecstasy. As he watches her he is also in utter bliss having and giving pleasure of his own. This isn’t the first time they’ve had sex with other partners (they are active participants in the Ottawa Swinging Community) and this certainly won’t be the last! This, for them, is the stuff of fairy tales. It’s how they are living their happily ever after and why the hell not! Who says what’s right and wrong anymore between consenting adults?

Ottawa is one kinky city! You wouldn’t be able to tell by its outward conservative appearance … they do refer to Ottawa as where fun went to die. But when you hear about what it’s REALLY like underneath the squeaky clean outer exterior, you see something a lot more interesting (and maybe a little shocking). You see the sexy side of Ottawa – the Ottawa where sexual adventures are more common than you think and many are content to share their partners with others and try a little somethin’somethin’ new. Swinging is increasing in popularity all around the world, often times as a way to spice things up and an alternative to cheating … does that mean people are becoming more open sexually? Perhaps, that’s why I wanted to find out more!

First Taste of the Forbidden Fruit

Dave and Monique hadn’t done this stuff before they were together but found themselves exposed to the hedonistic lifestyle when they won a trip to the Hedonism resort in Jamaica. Although their room was on the “prude” side of the resort, they decided, out of curiosity, to visit the “nude” side. So they took off their clothes and ventured in. They didn’t participate in any activities, just observed but this piqued their interest. When they returned to Ottawa they decided to check out the Ottawa Swinging Community, clubs and parties. They realized that everyone there was just like them it was a mixed bag of body types and levels of attractiveness. They even saw people they knew but it wasn’t awkward because they were all there for the same reason.

They didn’t jump into full on sex with others right away, just sex with each other in a room full of others having sex, which is usually the first step for most swingers. Next came the “soft swap” with other couples. What’s a soft swap you ask? It’s when you kiss, touch and have oral sex with other couples without penetration. Think of it as the foreplay before having sex with your own partner. It’s kind of like the “transition” phase before going all the way. Some couples stay in this phase but most move on to the “full swap” eventually. A full swap is just how it sounds, both partners swap with others. Dave sticks to other women, but the swinging lifestyle has opened up bisexuality for Monique so she is happy to swap with both men and women.

Rules of Engagement

Although the transition into full swinging was gradual, Dave and Monique decided early on not to set any ground rules for each other. Anything goes as long as they practice safely and are completely open and honest with each other. That isn’t the case with every couple of course, usually in this situations each couple sets certain boundaries they’ve set for each other that must be respected. That’s what keeps jealousy at bay and maintains harmony in the relationship. Monique did admit to being jealous at first, but it quickly passed when she realized that this was just about having fun and just about sexual pleasure. It wasn’t emotional. To them, it wasn’t cheating at all so she had no reason to be jealous. In fact, their swinging activities had actually enhanced their sexual life together. In fact, swinging had made their relationship stronger, enhanced their trust and their own personal confidence.

Who’s Part of the Ottawa Swinging Community Anyway?

Anyone and everyone. They could be your neighbour. They could be your co-worker (even your boss!). They could be someone that you know. They come in all shapes and sizes. They come in all ages. They come from all walks of life. There is no specific demographic. Apparently, it is true that Barrhaven and Orleans ARE among the kinkiest! Who knew?! It must be those boring government jobs ;). The garage door thing, not so true … or is it? The only common thing among all swingers is their love of pleasure and their openness about how to have it. They are there to have fun. Plain and simple. What’s important is that BOTH the partners have to want to be there, it can’t be forced or coerced on anyone. It is usually obvious when one side of the couple is there to make their partner happy … they are uncomfortable and awkward. This lifestyle is certainly not for everyone.

How Does Swinging Work?

Finding swinging communities isn’t that difficult. Dave and Monique said that most events and clubs are advertised online or on Craigslist. There are websites completely dedicated to finding other couples, but it’s not easy to find completely compatible couples. Ideally, Dave and Monique would like to find a couple to not only swing regularly with, but to also do activities and travel. However it’s not as easy as it sounds, as they put it, you’re not only trying to date one person, all four need to be compatible. So, they attend events and parties both locally and in other cities.

You usually have to register in advance and provide proper ID. Once one enters the party, you don’t have to have sex, you can just socialize with other like minded individuals. But, really, let’s not kid ourselves, you’re there to have sex so that’s what you usually do. The power lies with the woman at all times, and her prerogative to accept a lover or not. No ALWAYS means NO. You just go with the flow and respect boundaries. Hygiene and cleanliness are typically respected and facilities are available to those who need to freshen up.

The sex is good, very very good.  Although on the most part it’s pretty mainstream, the sights, the sounds, the smells make it a unique experience. Some swinger parties are wilder and more adventurous than others like the ones the venture into fetish and BDSM territory, some are orgies while others are more private, but, it’s all good for Dave and Monique. It’s all about experiencing another level of pleasure … one that most people don’t get to experience.

If you are curious about swinging, then Dave and Monique suggest going and just watching. See how you feel and decide if it’s for you or not. Play together with your partner and not with others at first. Venture into more risqué territory when and if you’re ready. Not everyone is an exhibitionist and not everyone is comfortable sharing. This lifestyle is definitely not for the faint of heart nor is it for anyone who’s the jealous type. It requires complete openness and honesty and a tremendous amount of trust.

I know that personally swinging is not an area that I think I could venture into with my partner. I’m not good at sharing. Would you? Have you? What are your thoughts on swinging? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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