How many of you have been stood up? How many have been left waiting and waiting, not knowing whether or not your date was even going to arrive? I think every single one of us has dealt with this. You make a date and take for granted that the other person will actually show up and on time. Usually, that’s the case. Sometimes, the opposite it true. When one person asked me how long THEY should wait, before I answered, I took the question to Twitter and I’m very grateful that many of my followers answered in unison … everyone pretty much said the same thing. What did they say and what did I answer? Well, I’ll tell you!
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I recently got stood up. I waited and waited and my date didn’t show up. We had confirmed the time and the place a couple of times, so I knew I wasn’t mistaken. I got there a few minutes early and waited, waited and waited some more. When they didn’t arrive, I tried messaging them and they didn’t answer, but I figured it was because they were driving or stuck in traffic or something. After 45 minutes I realized what was happening and that they weren’t going to show so then I left. I tried following up but never heard from them again. Were there any signs that I missed or were they just a lousy human being? How long is too long to wait for the late date?
Dear Getting Anxious,
Thank you for your question. First let me tell you that you’re not alone in your experience. I’ve been stood up a few times, I’ve also had to wait for dates too. One guy that stood me up kept messaging me to make sure I would be there which I found strange, but that was right after my divorce so I thought he was just anxious. Nope, he was making sure I fell for his game. Most people have had this experience as well. Regardless of who you ask, every person has a story about being stood up or having to wait an extended period of time. I have an answer for you but I wanted to ask my followers on Twitter what they thought too. To my surprise, many chimed in. Here’s what I asked …
Waiting for the Late Date
So what did people answer? It was pretty much unanimous! They said:
15 minutes without a call / message
30 minutes with a call / message
My answer is about 15-20 minutes if there’s no call/message and about 30 minutes with a call/message. Someone who is actually going to keep the date will have arrived or contacted you by then. Otherwise, there’s no excuse (unless there’s a blizzard or tornado outside in which case you should have rescheduled). People who are punctual are respecting you and your time. Being late and not keeping their appointments is no way to act with someone that you want to date. Even if they call to apologize with some sort of an excuse you have to think twice about what you want to do. Use your judgement about giving them a second chance. It’s really up to you. But remember the rule, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”.
Now the other part of your question was about signs and how to know whether or not they will stand you up. I think generally you just need to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust that they will keep the date and show up. In the example I gave earlier, it was probably a sign that he kept messaging me over and over to make sure I was going but then again he could have just been excited. How do you know? Well, you don’t. You just have to make sure to confirm the time and place and make sure you have it right. You can’t be responsible for another person’s actions.
How Long Would You Wait for the Late Date?
Take this anonymous poll and then view the results!
Why People Stand You Up
This could happen for several reasons. Perhaps they met someone else, perhaps they lost their nerve, perhaps they aren’t really who they say they are, perhaps the picture on their profile isn’t really them, perhaps they’re just an asshole who does this for fun, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. You don’t know, so don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep trying. One day you will find what you’re looking for! Just have hope … not everyone is a lousy human being 😉 only some of them (just be sure NOT to join their ranks!).
Hope this helps!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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