You know that feeling when you meet someone you like? That excited feeling? You’re nervous but it’s good nervous. It’s a buzz. You may feel like you’re going to vomit. You know the feeling. This feeling is commonly referred to as “butterflies”. It’s the best feeling, especially since it doesn’t always happen. The more you date the more you see that some people just don’t do it for you, you just don’t feel it. No butterflies. Then, you meet someone who totally makes you want to do somersaults. So what’s the deal? A more important question is if dating butterflies are necessary … what if they’re not there? Should you walk away? That’s what one reader asked.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’ve been dating a lot lately and I’m not just feeling it. I go on date after date with sometimes great people and just don’t feel it. You know, that feeling you get when you meet someone you like and really want to see them again. I just don’t get that, ever. I’ve felt it before but that never worked out either. So I’m left wondering, is that feeling really that necessary or can I do without it?
Dear Seeking Butterflies,
Great question! We do meet a lot of different types of people when we’re dating. Some we like and some we don’t. It’s completely normal to not want to give a chance to someone when you just don’t feel it. I don’t blame you. I mean don’t we all deserve to have that special someone in our life that makes us excited to see them? That person that really, truly floats our boat. I totally get it and I want the same thing too. I want the wow factor when dating … BUT are dating butterflies necessary?
Are Dating Butterflies Necessary?
I say dating butterflies ARE necessary. I think you need to feel it in order to date it. There has to be something that makes you want to see them … that desire … that passion … that WOW!! I say why settle for less? I have tried it both ways and given a chance to people who I didn’t feel it for because they were good on paper, they were “good catches” but in reality I couldn’t keep it up. It just wasn’t there. You can’t make it happen, it’s either there or it isn’t.
You can’t help who you’re attracted to. It’s science. No, really it is science. All your senses play an important role. Your senses are what attracts you or doesn’t. Some people just turn you off while others make you melt like butter on a hot day. Problem is, when you’ve felt it you won’t settle for less. Not really a problem, but it feels like it sometimes. But why should you settle for less than meeting someone you could be excited about. You deserve that. We all deserve that. Butterflies ARE necessary.
Here’s a very informative and interesting TED-Ed video by Dawn Maslar to explain how the science of attraction works:
Butterflies, on the other hand, can’t sustain a relationship. It’s not all there is. You need substance as well, but, initially, you need those butterflies to get to know each other. So the answer to your question is to hold out for the butterflies, even itty bitty butterflies, something, anything. If you just don’t feel it then move on. You can’t fake it until you make it on this one.
Hope this helps!!
READERS: What do you think? Are dating butterflies necessary? Can you fake it until you make it? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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