Do you go on date after date and can’t seem to get past the first date? Well, they liked you enough to go on that date with you, so, what happened? Was it them, or, was it you? While not every first date should be expected to succeed and lead to something, if all or most your dates are fruitless, then there might be something you’re missing. Well I always believe in learning from my experiences, so if something happens over and over again, it’s important figure out what the problem is. I’ve written before that if you’re having dating problems, especially the same problem over and over again, then you may just be the problem. It’s essential that you recognize your role in making things work or not.
5 Reasons You Never Get Past The First Date
On the most part, we don’t look inwards when something goes wrong, we tend to blame others. However, if the same thing happens over and over again to us then we’re the common denominator, especially when it comes to failed first dates.
Reason #1: You Didn’t Put Your Best Foot Forward
How you look on a date makes a big difference in your dating success. We hate to admit it, but image is everything. Ask yourself, did you dress appropriately? How was your hygiene? What about your hair? Was your grooming on point? Did you look like your picture? All these things are important. The first impression is extremely important and your date will judge your attractiveness almost immediately. Make sure you dress well and look put together, regardless of the type of date you go on. Be stylish and current in your clothing choices and wear things that flatter your figure. Having a decent hair style and ensuring your facial hair is well groomed is extremely important. Make sure your teeth are clean and and that you smell nice. You’re thinking, “duh” of course we that, but you would be surprised how many people go on dates looking outdated and unkept. Don’t let that be you.
Reason #2: You Invite Them To Your Pity Party
No one needs to hear about your sad dating life or why your past 5 relationships didn’t work out. Self-deprecation, as well, is definitely a “faux pas”. When you show them that you’re all about the negative and that you feel sorry for yourself they won’t want to be with you. No one wants to attend your pity party, especially not someone you just met. Do you like to play the victim? Don’t expect their pity. Do you put yourself down? Don’t! Approach your date in a positive way, showing how grateful you are for all that you have and all the experiences that you’ve encountered. Demonstrate how mature and lovable you are. Nothing is sexier than a confident, happy person who loves their life and is comfortable in their own skin, be that person.
Reason #3: You Brag / You’re Self-Absorbed
So on the other end of the spectrum, you could be overly confident to the point of arrogance. It’s great that you’ve accomplished a lot in your life and that you’re financially independent and successful.Good for you, but, your date doesn’t care. Humility goes a long way here. Sometimes in your effort to let them know you’re self-sufficient and a great cook, you will turn them off. Leave stuff to the imagination. Let them figure all these things out for themselves. They will notice what you have and what you can accomplish. No need to brag about your house and car and fabulous job and how you’re the best in your field. But, no one needs to hear about it.
Reason #4: Your Baggage Was On Full Display
Did you spend the whole time talking about how your ex did you wrong? How about talking about how life isn’t fair? Have you been cheated on and have trouble trusting others? Are you always rejected over and over again? Do you feel unloved and unloveable because of your past experiences? All these are examples of baggage that you might be carrying with you. Remember your past failures are not your current date’s problem. Just because your ex treated you poorly doesn’t mean this person is the same. It’s important to unpack your baggage and take care of it before you move on with anyone else. Never ever display your baggage on a date, no one wants to help you carry it nor should you expect that they do. Being an adult means being emotionally intelligent and mentally balanced.
Reason #5: You Were Desperate and Clingy
Desperation is NOT attractive. You should know that already. The problem is that when you meet someone you really like and connect with you cling on for dear life. You go from zero to 60 in under a minute. It’s no longer about getting to know the person in a meaningful way for you, you aren’t enjoying the process you are too focused on the outcome. It’s easy to do, I’ve been there as well and I know that it’s hard enough to find someone you’re both attracted to AND connect with in a real way that you are scared of losing them. But, being desperate and clingy will do just that. They will definitely run for the hills. You need to take it slow and easy, always be a step back to assess the situation more logically. Everything comes in its own time and if you truly are compatible in every way then you will move together in the same direction to the goals you both share. There is something to be said for being strategic in your dating life, slow and steady ALWAYS wins the race.
So there you have it, 5 reasons you never get past the first date. We are the authors of our dating life and we can either mess it up over and over again or be successful. Don’t be too hard on yourself, but you really do need to sit down and think about your dating history and what has and hasn’t worked for you. Think about if you see yourself in any of these 5 reasons. Do they sound familiar? Learn and move forward in a positive direction. Be grateful for your experiences and lessons learned, only then will you end up on the path you always wanted. Try it and see.
READERS: Do you have problems getting past the first date? Have you in the past? Have you rejected anyone based on these 5 reasons? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Yes!! I moseyed on in from Tumbler. What a great post. It’s fair to say I’ve made all of these mistakes in the past! Haha.
But, as they say – we learn from experience. 🙂
Spot on with every single thing. One major thing to avoid #2-5. Ask her/him questions.
I’ve met people of all of these numbers and they all were horrible dates. I didn’t want to hear their problems right away or anything not fun. I met a few clingy men and they were scary to be honest. One date doesn’t mean we are getting married.
6: They wanted sex. I have seen this one often on dating sites. The guy (I’m sure it’s reversed too)was only seeking sex, I wasn’t so they never called again. On the other hand I have friends who stupidly had sex on the first date and he dumped them too.
Great read, share-worthy 🙂
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