You know how the saying goes, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”! Does that sound like you? Everyone around you seems to be meeting someone, getting dates, even finding their own happily ever after. You’re probably questioning yourself – Why is it never me? What’s wrong with me? Am I destined to be forever alone? Alright, I’ll let you have your pity party moment … OK are you done? Can we continue? Good! Now I get it, when you see everyone else’s life fall into place it really does make you question yourself and your worthiness for love. I know because I’ve been there, until I started looking inward and found out why. I am going to challenge you to do the same.

Why Is It Never Me? Am I Destined To Be Forever Alone?
When you are constantly striking out, it really is you and not them. I’m not trying to be mean or point fingers, but time and again, I see countless singles such as yourself turn their dating lives around by just making a few adjustments. Wasn’t it Albert Einstein that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? So let’s stop the insanity!! You deserve to be happy and in love! You deserve your happily ever after! Here’s how to get it!

5 Ways to Avoid Being Forever Alone

1. Dating Self-Assessment
   You need to look inside yourself and your dating history in order to determine what hasn’t been working. What I get my clients to do is write down their most memorable dating fails and wins. Then, I have them write down what went right or wrong, where the whole thing went sour. Was it something they said or did? Once you do this, trends start to appear and you can pinpoint where you need to make adjustments.

2. Market Yourself Better
   You are the product and you need to market that product effectively in order to make it in this highly competitive dating environment. What this means is presenting your best self on dates. Make sure that you wear clothes that compliment you, have a nice haircut, groom well, have a really good dating profile (including a fabulous picture), always put your best foot forward, be a good conversationalist (don’t be one dimensional), make sure you can pick up on social cues and boundaries … well, you get the picture. You need to bring your “A-game” to every date!

3. Be Hard To Forget
   Don’t play hard to get, be hard to forget! What this means is not rushing or oversharing or even seem too desperate. Many people have the tendency to jump all in when they meet someone they really like and have chemistry with. What this does is have the opposite effect on most people and it makes them run for the hills. Slow and steady ALWAYS wins the race so leave something to the imagination and enjoy the process.

4. Be Happily Single
   Being happily single is essential to finding your happily ever after! I know it may sound counter-intuitive but it really isn’t. Being happily single means that you are content and fulfilled on your own, you’ve created a great life for yourself, you’re continuously growing and you’ve surrounded yourself with great people. You aren’t waiting for someone to make you happy or complete you, you are happy and complete on your own. When you’re happily single, you are looking for a companion and partner to share your life, to walk on the same path as you through life. When you’re not happy and fulfilled on your own you run the risk of being too caught up in trying to find love that you settle or cling to the first person who says hi. Don’t be defined by your relationship status, just enjoy being true to yourself. Everything else always falls into place where it should.

5. Be Grateful
   I can’t tell you enough times how important this is. Gratitude WILL help bring love your way. How? Being grateful for your life and your experiences and the lessons learned makes you a more positive person and puts things into perspective. In turn, you will attract good things to your life, including love. I know from experience that this really works. It will help you manage your expectations of life and people. Start by naming three things you’re grateful for every morning when you wake up, it only takes a couple of seconds. When it becomes a habit then start writing more down and throughout the day when good things happen just say “thank you” to the universe. You’ll see it will change your whole outlook and perspective on life and love.

You need to take an active role in your dating life, nothing will just fall in your lap, but you also need to enjoy your life and those around you. Be your best self and you will be a magnet to good experiences and people, including your very own happily ever after.

Have a dating dilemma? You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on http://singledatingdiva.com.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally appeared on eHarmony Canada.