Have you ever experienced the dating waiting game? You go out on a great date and then wait for them to call you back, or you send them a message and wait for a response for what seems like an eternity. You’re waiting for something, ANYTHING. You keep checking your phone, you have your friends call or text to make sure it still works. You know you’ve done it. I won’t lie, I have been guilty of this too.
What To Do When You’ve Been Ghosted
So what do you do if you’ve been ghosted? If they never called you back? What’s their problem you ask? Well, the problem isn’t them, though, it’s you. Yes, you! The problem is how much weight you’re attaching to this callback and the emotional investment you’re making too early on.
Let’s Get Real
When you go on your first couple of dates it’s easy to get carried away if you have great chemistry with them. What happens next? Your standards and logic go out the window and in flies expectation, excitement, impulsiveness and irrationality. Why is that a problem if you both really like each other? Well, theoretically it shouldn’t be a problem, but, realistically it matters a lot. When you get caught up you lose sight of reality and see things how you want them and not always how they really are. So when you have a great date with someone, your expectation is that they call back because they had a great time too. Right? Maybe, maybe not. You really don’t know.
On one side you’ve got your serial daters who enjoy the “honeymoon phase” of dating. They are addicted to the excitement that comes from meeting someone new and clicking with them on the first date and the fireworks that they want to do it over and over again dating multiple people. On the other side, you’ve got the ones that think about it and realized that perhaps you weren’t the right one for them or they went on a date with someone else and clicked more with them than you. You don’t know, that’s the thing, and you probably will never know or get closure about it.
What To Do
I definitely endorse sending a “thank you” message the next day after a date, especially if I had a good time and see the potential. I will usually send a text or message to say: “Hi. I just wanted to say thank you for the coffee and great conversation. Take Care, Suzie.” It’s polite to say thank you and paints you in a positive light. Just don’t make it a big conversation or send anything lengthy or be clingy or over text. Send your brief message and leave the ball in their court.
It will open the door to date two or shut the door completely. If they like you they will take it as encouragement to move forward. If they weren’t interested in you they will be cold or vague in their response (or just not respond) but what’s important is that you were polite and reached out. You didn’t throw yourself at them, you were just thanking them. So, in my opinion, it’s a win-win.
Truth is that if someone wants to be with you it doesn’t matter what you do, they will still want to be with you, I’ve said this many times. I think you should always give people their space and just go with the flow. Focus on what’s within your control and trust that things will fall into place where they need to and wait for NO ONE. If they ghosted on you, close the door and move on, don’t give them that power over you! They’re not worth your stress or agony. Go out and HAVE FUN and enjoy dating despite any bad experiences you have.
READERS: Have you ever been ghosted? Have you ever ghosted someone? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Originally appeared on eHarmony Canada.