Every once in a while, life hands us a fairy tale… You meet or go on a date with someone who makes you melt like butter on a hot day. They make you weak in the knees. The chemistry is unbelievable. The energy is electric. Butterflies in your stomach are out of control. You’re feeling a little hot, perhaps even a little faint. You think, “this THIS is what I’ve been waiting for all my life!” This MUST be my soul mate … my twin flame … this is meant to be!! It must be LOVE! The universe heard your call! Perhaps you pursue a torrid love affair, perhaps you just stand there staring drool dripping out of your mouth, or perhaps nothing at all ever comes out of it BUT it’s meant to be! Right? WRONG! Here’s why.
Why You SHOULDN’T Date The One Who Makes You Weak In The Knees
Don’t get me wrong, people who make us weak in the knees are GREAT. What an awesome feeling. The rush you feel alone is fantastic. For most singles who are looking for love, that’s what they’re looking for – crazy chemistry (the high that comes from meeting and liking someone new). The fireworks. The fire. Although that’s great, it’s not sustainable. A fire that burns fast and hot dies just as fast and you’re left wondering what sort of whirlwind you got caught up in. But why?
This dating situation is not sustainable. It’s not love. It’s infatuation. Yes, you heard right. Infatuation. What is infatuation? Essentially, it’s having an intense passion for someone. How do you know you’re infatuated? Ask yourself:
- have you known the person for a very short time and think you’re in love? do you REALLY know them or did you just meet?
- do you put them on a pedestal? do you idolize them?
- do you feel like you’ve known them forever and know everything about them?
- do you want to rush into having a relationship without even dating? have you started planning your wedding?
- can you picture a life without them in it? or do you think you can’t live without them?
- do you want to be with them all the time? does being apart give you anxiety?
- is your affection one sided?
While these things can be normal in love (at some level), they are symptoms of infatuation when you feel them in extremes.
Why Infatuation is Dangerous
Infatuation can be dangerous because it blinds you and you become someone you’re not. As a result:
- You may do things that are uncharacteristic to you and your values.
- You’re just not yourself.
- You alienate yourself from people not in line with your feelings (they just don’t understand your love).
- You feel like Romeo & Juliet … your love seems unrequited, forbidden love.
- The person that you’re infatuated with may take advantage of your infatuation.
- You will enable their bad behavior and tolerate things you normally wouldn’t.
- You think you have things under your control but you really don’t because you can’t let go.
- You will be steered away from your actual path of finding true, real, lasting love.
- Their charisma blinds you to their true personality and they can talk their way through anything (and you ALWAYS forgive them).
- They can usually pull you back in to their web with one smile or touch or word.
- It leaves you in dating and relationship limbo, always referring to yourself as “it’s complicated” and “it’s complicated” is NOT a relationship status!
- In one word, infatuation is TOXIC.
What Love Is
Infatuation can feel like love but it’s not love. You may THINK you love them but do you really? What is love anyway? Here are some points to consider:
- You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
- You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
- You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings.
- You make each other happy.
- He or she motivates you to be a better person and encourages your goals.
- You want to get to meet his or her family and friends (and they want you to meet theirs).
- Love grows as time goes on and isn’t instant.
- It grows out of friendship, respect and trust.
- It’s equal.
- You work through challenges together as partners.
The One Who Made ME Weak in the Knees
Listen, I know what it’s like to be infatuated with someone. I was there. I spent a very long time infatuated with someone who strung me along like a puppet. He was charismatic, dynamic, sexy and a total alpha. I was vulnerable and needy for love and affection after my divorce – he stepped in to make me feel special, sexy and desired. After a crappy marriage I fell hard. I was totally convinced I was in love and we were meant to be. I thought he was my soul mate.
I was living in a fairy tale. He ate it up and brought be along for the ride for as long as he could, even publicly. I loved how much I adored and enabled him. I would always find ways to see him. I knew it was wrong for but I kept it up. One day, I had had enough and let go. It was so hard, painful even, because I had convinced myself that (despite all my misery) he was my happily ever after. After all, we were meant to be! How could we not be meant to be with chemistry like that!!! Boy was I wrong! I would reject perfectly good guys because I was hung up on him even though he never really committed to me. One day, I just had enough and I let go. It took time but I did.
When I opened myself up to love, real love, I found true lasting love with the man who is currently my husband. It is healthy. It is two sided. It is a true partnership. We are sooo attracted to each other. There are no games. It’s never “complicated”. Just love, friendship, respect and trust.
I get countless messages and emails from women who are going through the SAME thing. The same experiences. The same type of men. Some men too have this experience. Perhaps I went through it to guide others out of it, I don’t know, perhaps just to learn to appreciate the man who would really be my happily ever after. Whatever the reason, once I learned my worth I stopped accepting anything less than I deserved. That’s what I help those who contact me realize. In the end each person has to realize their worth for themselves and be ready to let go of the rainbows and unicorns, trading it in for the real deal because the real deal doesn’t want someone hung up on someone else!
While it might feel good, and maybe fun for a while, you shouldn’t date the one who makes you weak in the knees! Lasting love is a much better high!
READERS: Has anyone ever made you “weak in the knees”? What happened? Do you agree? Share your thoughts & perspective in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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