Have you ever wondered why certain people seem to respect your boundaries while others walk all over them? The answer is simple but powerful: we teach others how to treat us by what we tolerate.

Every time you excuse bad behaviour, stay silent when someone crosses a line, or compromise your values for the sake of keeping the peace, you’re sending a message. You’re showing people what your standard is—and they’ll meet you there, whether high or low.

The good news? You have the power to reset that standard at any time.

Why Tolerating Disrespect Teaches Others It’s Okay

From my own personal experience as well as years of writing on SingleDatingDiva.com and coaching people through life, dating and relationships, one truth has stood out: what you put up with, you invite.

It doesn’t usually happen in big, dramatic moments. It starts with the little things:

• The texts that go unanswered.
• The last-minute cancellations.
• The dismissive comments you brush off.

Sound familiar? At first, you tell yourself it’s no big deal. But over time, the pattern grows. The more you tolerate, the less respect you receive. People learn you’ll accept crumbs instead of the whole meal you deserve, and that’s what they’ll give you.

Psychology Explains Why We Stay Silent

According to Psychology Today, healthy personal boundaries are essential to self-respect and emotional well-being. Without them, you invite stress, anxiety, and even depression. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about protecting your values and creating clarity.

Research in Positive Psychology shows that low self-esteem or a shaky sense of self-worth makes us more likely to compromise. When your self-worth depends on external validation, you’ll tolerate more than you should to keep the connection alive.

This leads to what experts call contingent self-esteem—your sense of worth rises and falls based on how others treat you. But when you cultivate authentic self-esteem, rooted in self-respect and inner confidence, you no longer need to tolerate less.

Your Gut Knows the Truth

Think back to a time you felt uneasy in a relationship or friendship. Maybe you felt that knot in your stomach, that little voice whispering This doesn’t feel right. That’s your intuition, and it’s rarely wrong. Trust your gut!

When you ignore your gut feelings and their behaviour, you’re not just betraying yourself; in fact, you’re teaching the other person that their behaviour is acceptable. Over time, they learn they can push the line, and you’ll bend.

But here’s the shift: when you listen to your instincts and act on them, you communicate loud and clear that this is the standard, and you will accept nothing less.

Self-Respect Sets the Standard

Respect isn’t something you beg for—it’s something you embody. When you respect yourself, people are forced to either rise to meet you or fall away.

Here are three ways to reset the standard starting today:

1. Listen to Your Gut – If something feels off, trust it. Don’t rationalize disrespect.
2. Set Boundaries Clearly – Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re doors that let the right people in and keep the wrong people out.
3. Follow Through – A boundary without action is just a wish. If someone crosses it, let your actions show you mean what you say.

Reflection: What Are You Teaching People Right Now?

Ask yourself:

• Where in my life am I tolerating behaviour that doesn’t align with my values?
• What have I been too afraid to say out loud?
• If I trusted my gut more, how would my relationships look different?

Remember—what you accept teaches others how to engage with you. If you consistently put your peace last, you’ll keep attracting people who treat it as optional.

Call to Action

This week, take inventory of your relationships—romantic, family, work, and friendships. Where are you settling? Where are you silencing yourself?

Choose one place to draw the line. Have the conversation, say “no” where you usually say “yes,” or walk away from what drains you. You’ll be amazed at how quickly people adjust when they realize your standard has changed.

Something to Think About

Here’s the bottom line: people don’t decide your worth—you do. Every “yes” to disrespect is a “no” to yourself.

So ask yourself today: Am I teaching others to value me—or to test how little I’ll accept?

Your answer may change everything.

Because what you tolerate becomes your standard, remind yourself daily:
“I set the standard for how I am treated by honouring my worth every day.”

One.Step.At.A.Time.

Suzie

For more inspiration and practical advice, follow me on all social media platforms at @PowerCoachSuzie. Learn more about my radio show and podcast Signals and Standards with Suzie at this LINK.