Now You See It … Now You Don’t …

Ever feel like someone you’re talking to is a well seasoned magician? You know the ones; they pull disappearing acts just when you think they are here to stay. I like to call it the “magic act”. You come to the show, ready to be entertained and boy do they put on a good show. You are dazzled by their talent for making you feel like you’re the star of the show. They draw you in by their words, they make you feel special, they make you think “wow” I’ve hit the jackpot. Then they set you up for the main event that promises not to disappoint … they get into their box and “woosh” they’re gone. You wait for them to return. You wait for the promised encore … but it never comes. You look around but they are nowhere to be found. You are left confused and disillusioned.

Does this sound familiar? Unfortunately it’s all too common in the dating world. I call it the “magic act”, but others call it “ghosting” or just plain simply “the disappearance”. Why does it happen? Why when you think things are going great do they stop calling? I wish I knew … actually I don’t know. It’s happened to me several times before. Things are going great and then they pull the disappearing act. Sometimes I wonder if there is a black hole of men and women who just stop calling. So why do they do it? I asked some friends about it and they told me that more often than not they lose interest and don’t want to deal with the discomfort of telling the person that they don’t want to move forward. I call it “lack of guts syndrome”. People have a tendency to avoid uncomfortable conversations but it ends up leaving others in a negative place.

So what do you do if you’ve been talking to or dating someone and they pull the disappearing act on you? Well, first don’t take it personal. It seriously isn’t you, it’s them. Think about it, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t even have the guts to tell you they aren’t interested? I know I don’t. I have had several men go out on dates, more than one date, call me constantly and totally seem like they are interested and then one day disappear into thin air with no word, nothing. At first, it used to really upset me, and I would go over every single conversation to see if I did something wrong to make them not want to contact me anymore, then I realized, it wasn’t my fault, it was their inability to be a mature adult. Perhaps some men I’ve dated were jerks, but I do value those who actually have the guts to tell me when they want to end things.

So what’s the lesson in this? Keep the magic disappearing acts to the professional magicians and man up! There’s nothing wrong with losing interest in someone, just be a mature adult and tell them. You will look much better in their eyes … and besides, you might actually run into them in the street one day … how uncomfortable would THAT be? There’s no substitute for being open and honest. Plain. Simple.

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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