So you’re looking for love and haven’t found it yet. Many people are. So with all these single people looking for love all around why are you still single? Well, I asked myself the same question not too long ago and you know what I realized? I realized that I was self sabotaging my chances at love. I was being my own worst enemy. How you ask? Well, I’m going to share the 3 things that may be sabotaging your chances at love. Once I admit it to myself, it made things a whole lot easier and opened me up to what I really wanted and needed. How about you? Are you self sabotaging?
3 Things That May Be Sabotaging Your Chances At Love
1 – Being Hung Up On Someone
Is there someone that you’re “carrying a torch” for? Just can’t let go of that hope that they’ll come around? Perhaps you just can’t get over an ex. Whatever the case may be, that person is not with you for a reason. If they’re an ex, then they’re an ex because things didn’t work out between you. Whatever the reason you broke up will always be there, so let go. Carrying a torch for someone unreachable? Well, let me tell you a little secret … come closer, they don’t want you. There I said it. If they wanted you they would be with you. Plain. Simple. I fell into that trap too, so I know.
I carried a torch for someone for several years. They were my ideal mate in my eyes but, even though they knew how I felt they still didn’t make the move I wanted. I kept holding on to the hope that maybe just maybe they would come around, but, they never did. Because I saw them as who I really wanted to be with, I compared each person I met to them. Result? I passed on some potentially great guys because I put him on a pedestal that nobody could live up to. However, that’s a thing of the past, I realized what I was doing and let go. Letting go definitely made a world of difference for me and my dating life because I saw him for who he really was and I realized my self worth.
2 – Being Judgmental
Have you been accused of being “too picky”? Do you have a list of wants a mile long? What’s on your list? Do you have a vision board with your ideal mate on it? These things are sabotaging your love life. How? Well, you may be passing up a great person because they don’t live up to your high standards. What you need to do is re-assess your list. What on there is linked to your ethics and values? What on there is “need to have” and what is “nice to have”? I pared down my list significantly and started opening up to men who I wouldn’t have considered before and you know what? I have met some GREAT people who I totally wouldn’t have thought I would like. Try it, you might just be pleasantly surprised!
Another way you could be judgmental is by the baggage you’re carrying with you from past relationships or experiences. This is a biggie in dating. Unfortunately, not every experience we have is going to be a good one. It is inevitable. However, we can’t blame every person for that bad experience. We can’t judge every person because someone else wronged us. Even if we’ve had a lot of bad experiences dating, trust me, I know what THAT is like!! I also started using my past experiences as an excuse not to trust new people and always expected the worst from people and you know what? That’s what I got from them. In that way I was self sabotaging because no one wants to be blamed for someone else’s transgressions. Take each person as an individual and each new dating experience as just that a NEW dating experience with a NEW person. Do yourself a favor and leave the past in the past. You will be happy you did. I certainly am! I’m using my judgement, but not judging, you should too. There really is a difference.
3 – Making Excuses & Over Analyzing
Do you always make excuses in your dating life? Do you rationalize your actions because you have a great excuse? Do you over analyze every situation and person you meet? Well you know what? An excuse (good or bad) is just that, an excuse. What are some excuses? Well think about the things and situations you are avoiding because you are afraid of the outcome. An example could be “I cannot meet a man because there are no good men where I live” or “I can’t approach that woman because I know she will reject me” or “I am too busy to date anyone right now” or even “I can’t afford to go on dates”. These are all excuses we make to avoid the inevitable. You need to live your life and get out of your rut. How? Well you need to live in the moment and take chances. Think of everything as an experience, win or lose, you’re one step ahead because you learned. Everything happening around you is an opportunity that you can take … thinking positively about it will help you.
Over analyzing rationalizes your actions and gives you a good excuse doesn’t it? You can analyze anything enough and find a good reason why to do something or not do it. Well, you know what? It’s not helping your dating life and by doing this you are not protecting yourself, you are sabotaging your chances at love. Plain. Simple. How do I know? Because I used to always make excuses why people weren’t right for me or why I didn’t like them. I would sit and analyze all their actions, what they said, how they said it, what they did, almost to obsession. In reality, I wasn’t giving them a fair chance. I was also reading more into things that really weren’t there. I have since learned to not over think things and just go with my gut instincts. It has worked much better for me. I’ve also learned to not only take chances but also to give them. So what if it leads to heartbreak, it’s a lesson learned. But, you know what? I’m living.
There you go, those are the 3 things that may be sabotaging your chances at love. They aren’t surprising I’m sure and I would bet that they sound quite familiar to you because you’re doing the same thing. Remember, you can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results. Change it up a bit and see what happens. That’s what I did and you know what? I’m never looking back!!
Do you think you are self sabotaging your love life? How? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Thanks for your comment … I think it’s true for all of us at some level!!
Haha, I think I’m guilty of all of these! Thanks for this.
Thanks for your comment! I certainly was guilty of these things too!! The first step is realizing it!
I was thinking about this the other day. Honestly, self sabotage can be a good thing. Perhaps it’s being done on purpose because the timing is wrong. I know this is true for me.
On the other hand, the pickiness is a sign of immaturity. We should all have standards, but a long list of must-haves is a wonderful way to ensure staying single. Being more accepting of others is the only way to cultivate love with a partner.
Thanks Jacob! How is self sabotage a good thing? There is self preservation, yes, but it could be a sign you’re not ready to date?
I think it’s more about making sure the person and time is right without forcing anything. The exploration can be very empowering because men and women tend to be disconnected from one another. And to be honest, going out with a woman isn’t always about finding a relationship or sex. Sometimes, the companionship is all that’s needed.
I think we have all been guilty of all 3 at one time or another! I know the biggest challenge I had to overcome was overanalizing thing…I tend to chew on things till the flavor’s all gone! Great post 🙂
Fed guilty of over analyzing/rationalizing. Isn’t over analyzing basically in female DNA 🙂 ?
Gotta stop w the excuses though and just.. Buck up and get me some luvin!
Wow – that’s a lot of self awareness in one blog post and definite blockers for a lot of women. I think we are all going around with these stories and ideas in our heads that get in the way of the things we really want. It’s seeing them in ourselves that’s the difficult part 🙂
You are dead freaking on. Smart lady 🙂
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