We’ve all heard jokes and quips about mother-in-laws. Those of you in committed relationships know what I mean. Some mother-in-laws are blessings while others are nothing but a curse. The worst of these is the meddling mother. She causes problems wherever she goes. She always needs to put her nose in everything you do and control your life. Whether it’s your own mother or your partner’s mother, it’s never a good situation, as one of my readers has experienced.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now. Ever since we’ve been together his mother has been meddling in everything we do. It doesn’t help that he’s a borderline mama’s boy. Lately we’ve been talking about getting married and she’s gotten worse! She will tell him things about me and stretch the truth and he believes her. Sometimes I think that she doesn’t want us together and wants him all to herself. It’s getting to a point that it’s causing problems between us. She seems to be gaining more and more influence on him. When it’s just the two of us everything is fine, we don’t even fight. When he speaks with her then everything changes Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde style. I just want a relationship between him and me without any interference, is that too much to ask?
Teetering On The Edge
Meddling Mother Causing Problems
Dear Teetering On The Edge,
Thank you for your question. I don’t envy the situation you are in. There’s nothing worse than a meddling mother! It seems like this one is not just meddling, she’s out to do harm. Some mothers don’t feel any woman is good enough for their sons. As a result, they have an unnatural hold on their sons. It seems your partner is torn between you and his mother, so what to do? Well, you both have to make some changes. The best person to talk to about the problems in your relationship is the person you are in the relationship with. So you need to speak with your partner about your concerns. Calmly and with no judgment whatsoever. Don’t criticize his mother at all, just speak in terms of you and him. Tell him how you feel and how his actions and his mothers actions make you feel. Calmly. If he values your relationship then he will hear you out and make some sort of an effort. At best, he will see the error of his ways, at worst, he will choose his mother over you. The way I see it, it’s a win-win for you either way. Why? Well, because either way you will be in the best position for YOU. If he stands up to his mom you win and if he doesn’t and chooses her then, hard as it might be, you will be better off without him.
If the relationship continues, you will also need to deal with his mother. The best way is to hear her out and thank her for her opinions and input and then do whatever you think is best. Just tell her “thank you I know you’re trying to help and WE will proceed as WE see best“. Use “WE” whenever you talk about you and her son to make sure she understands that you’re a team. Play it neutral and peaceful with her. No drama allowed, don’t give her anything to use against you. You don’t have to be her best friend, you just have to get along for the sake of her son. Also, try and get some perspective, perhaps she feels like her son doesn’t need her anymore because of you and she feels threatened by you. Try and keep her engaged and ask her for her opinion or advice once in a while – maybe for a recipe? Also, encourage mother and son time so that she doesn’t feel like you’re taking him away. A meddling mother just wants a purpose in her child’s life, so give her one. Besides, you and his mother have something in common – her son. You both think he’s pretty special, so draw on that and just kill her with kindness. Be the better person.
Remember that relationSHIPS sink when they have too many passengers! Keep this one afloat by setting down the anchor and standing your ground!
Have you dealt with a meddling mother? What did you do? How would you deal with a situation such as this? Would love to hear about it in the comments!
If you have a question or dating dilemma for Single Dating Diva you can submit it here!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
I agree… that ship will sink with that mom influencing things so much… But it’s more about the gal… she is LETTING it bother, and choosing to deal with it defensively… Not sure what kind of things mom is saying, but how the girlfriend reacts, or doesn’t – possibly not even caring that the mother said what she said – and laughing it off to her ability to misunderstand… her reactions will make or break the situation. She only has control over herself here and it’s time to do that… xo
Thanks for your comment Ms. Cheevious! You’re right, she could be handling herself much better than that! Reactions are a choice.
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