Ask Single Dating Diva: Meeting Halfway By Compromise

Is there a limit to what someone can take in a relationship?  I truly believe everyone has their limits.  These limits are personal and relative to their situation.  In today’s installment of Ask Single Dating Diva, I help out someone who has perhaps met their limit and whose relationship’s glass looks a little more half empty than half full.

Dear Single Dating Diva,

meeting halfwayI’ve always felt that relationships should be 50/50, but, I’m feeling recently that my partner isn’t meeting me halfway.  We’ve been together for a while and have always worked out our problems quite easily, however, the past few months have been another story.  Whatever I do never seems enough.  I’ve been going above and beyond trying to make him happy.  It’s like they’re a different person.  They are so distant.  I can’t get through to them nor can I make them talk to me.  Could they be cheating? Do they still want to be together.  You always speak about listening to your gut and my gut is telling me that something isn’t right.  Am I wrong to be questioning their intentions? What should I do? How should I proceed?

Sincerely,

Wanting to Meet Halfway

Dear Wanting to Meet Halfway,

“Coming to meet halfway is possible only between people who are mutually honest and sincere in their way of life.”   I Ching

Thank you for your question and for reaching out.  I know how frustrating it is when it seems that you are doing all the work while your partner is just along for the ride.  That’s what happened in my previous marriage.  Even our marriage therapist said “you are pulling the train and he’s sitting in the back with his feet up”.  Needless to say, he wasn’t meeting me halfway.  What does meeting halfway mean?  It implies something mutual between two people.  Both are open to each other.  It means being completely honest and sincere.  It’s a commitment.  Both people in the relationship have a willingness to make things work and find a solution for whatever challenge they may be facing.  Couples that come together equally to make things work enjoy more success in their relationships.

Ask-Single-Dating-DivaIn your case it seems that something has changed.  You are right to take your instincts seriously.  The question is what has changed and why.  The only way to get that answer is by communicating with your partner.  You need to approach the situation head on.  Sitting and waiting for things to change, frustrated and unhappy, is unhealthy and will only do more harm than good.  You can’t continue as you are.  You need to ask them what is happening and why things have changed.  It could be that they have gotten to comfortable and don’t feel like trying anymore, or it could be something a lot more serious, but you will never know until you ask.  You need to talk to them about it, you can also see a relationship counselor if you don’t want to do this alone.

The key word here is COMPROMISE.  Compromise can be both a good thing and a bad thing.  At its best, compromise is finding some common ground with your partner, mutually agreeing to a mutually beneficial course of action. At its worse compromise means being untrue to you, changing a core value to make someone else happy.  You need to do this together.   You should be like a puzzle pieces who fit into a relationship puzzle, sometimes the puzzle is easy and sometimes hard, but the pieces should always fit. Otherwise, there’s no point going on.  How much compromise is too much compromise, well use that gut instinct of yours.  When you are continuously giving more than you’re getting, then it’s too much.

Like I mentioned earlier, I know how you feel.  I’ve been there.  Just remember to be true to you and to make sure that your needs are being met as well as your partner’s.  That’s the most important thing.

Do you agree? What advice would you give? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva