Ask Single Dating Diva: The Stage 5 Clinger

When I published “Five Types of Women That Men Avoid When Dating” there were a lot of men who agreed with the list.  I got a lot of feedback about how these types of women do scare men off, particularly the clingy ones.  This is one email I got from one of my readers about his very own “stage 5 clinger”.  What is a “stage 5 clinger”? A “stage 5 clinger” is someone who doesn’t get that the person they want doesn’t want them and “cling” to that person obsessively.  They plan their lives together with you by the time the first date or encounter is over.  Essentially, this person gets extremely attached very very fast.  They could become a stalker, but not always.  Here is what the reader asked …

stage 5 clingerDear Single Dating Diva,

I met this girl at a party.  We hit it off right away and hung out most the evening.  We got a little drunk and had sex.  The next morning we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes. To me it was a fun night with a fun girl.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Then the craziness started. She texted me literally right after we parted.  Then again not too long after and she hasn’t stopped since! She always wants to meet up again.  She sends me messages about what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with.  If I don’t respond she keeps messaging over and over again.  I don’t know what to do.  I’ve told her I wasn’t interested but she thinks I’m playing hard to get.  She thinks we’re soul mates.  I’m at my wit’s end.  Help!

Sincerely,

Wishing I Was a Non-Stick Pan

The Stage 5 Clinger

Dear Wishing I Was a Non-Stick Pan,

Thank you for your question.  I can see why you’re frustrated.  It seems to be you had a casual sex encounter with someone who had other ideas.  Your intentions were having fun and moving on but hers were to find a man.  You, my friend, have a stage 5 clinger on your hands.  So, what to do?

Ask-Single-Dating-DivaLet’s start by talking a bit about why clingers are the way they are – it’s not all about desperation although it might seem that way.  More likely these people are insecure and have a skewed sense of reality.  Typically they have weaker personalities and attach, or cling, to others quite easily, especially when they are encountered with what they perceive as intimacy, as with your situation.  These clingers can be extremely persistent and pushy.  They create an alternate reality in their head that fits their view of the world but doesn’t necessarily reflect reality.

How To Deal With a Stage 5 Clinger

Your first instinct would be to ignore them or run away, right?  You said you tried that and that made them much more persistent.  But these types of people cannot be dealt with using avoidance.  Avoiding, or ignoring, them makes them feel extremely insecure which makes them even clingier than usual.  So, what to do? Well, start by being honest with them.  You have to be very clear with them about your intentions.  Even if they don’t believe you the first time, stay consistent with your message.  Apologize if you gave the wrong impression but stand your ground.  Do not be mean or rude but also don’t be too nice.  Just be clear and honest.   When she tries to contact you again after you’ve been clear with her (you know that she will) do not answer.  Keep ignoring the messages until she stops.  You can also block her number and block her anywhere else you have her.  It might seem harsh, but it’s the only way.  If she actually tries making physical contact then you can consider a restraining order, but usually if you are clear and don’t give her any reason to misunderstand then she will get the hint eventually.

In the future it’s best not to assume that someone is on the same page as you and state your intentions clearly before entering into any sexual relationship.  Remember that not only women can be clingers, there are men who fit the category as well.  I’ve had one before and it can get extremely scary.  That is why, as I said before, be honest and clear at all times.  You will not only avoid any potential clingers, you will also move forward in an open and honest environment.

What do you think readers? Have you encountered a clinger before? How did you handle it? What advice would you give this person? I would love to hear about it in the comments below!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

7 comments

  1. The only thing you can do is ignore them and give them no way to contact you. Block their numbers, block them everywhere, just as suggested above. It is also very important that you don’t be mean and rude as stated above – getting emotional towards them shows them you have some sort of interest/attachment. Being indifferent is the best way to approach it.

    No matter what, do not respond. This only encourages them.

    But also think about what you said and did that gave that person any sort of idea that you were really interested that first night, and don’t do it again!

    Great post!

    Like

  2. I hope he used protection! But as most times in life, we get what we deserve, bad or good – bad idea having sex with a stranger….. and I hope it was very very good sex 🙂 Silly me…. I can never understand why anyone would want to have sex while drunk. I want to be sober and enjoy every second of the connection!

    Like

    • Oh no Joanna! Really? LOL … seriously I think we’ve all been the clinger at some point. Often times we don’t know we’re doing it! I think it’s all about gauging the reaction of the other person I think.

      Like

  3. People should watch the movie Fatal Attraction over & over again. There are plenty of “bunny boilers” out there! Here’s another thought…don’t sleep with someone you don’t know! Just sayin…
    Great article Suzi 🙂

    Like

Comments are closed.