I have consistently said that we are truly our own worst enemies. We continuously sabotage ourselves over and over again without even skipping a beat. Most of us do it unknowingly, but many of us know what we’re doing and do it anyway. Personally, I’ve battled my demons and, on the most part, won. I am in a more stable place in my life and plan on staying there. I surround myself with people who help me in my journey and not hold me, nor pull me, back. It took me a while to get where I am and I have made the choice that I’m not going back!! I encounter so many people on a daily basis that really make me think. There are so many broken people out there that are hurting. They have so much pain that they take it out on others in the world. I meet a lot of women who are making themselves quite undatable because of this. They are self-sabotaging their own lives … what am I talking about? Well, let me explain …
The Art of Never Looking Back When Dating
Today I read an analogy that I found really significant for anyone who’s gone through hardship … they said that going through a difficult time is like the process that a caterpillar goes through to become a butterfly, once they become a butterfly they can’t reverse the process but many people, instead of enjoying their new state, try and look back and act like they did as the caterpillar and so cannot move forward in life because they keep looking back. I have been there and know what it’s like, but you have to CHOOSE a new path, even if it isn’t an easy one, it’s the only way to get over anything. That’s how we self-sabotage, we are so used to being the caterpillar, crawling on the ground, being defined by our situations, being defined by others, that we don’t know, or realize, that there’s a better way to live, we don’t know, or realize, that our best life is right there within our grasp, all we have to do is use those butterfly wings to fly.
I meet so many women who complain about not being able to find a decent man but then I spend time with them and, in a way, I know why they are having so much trouble. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way perfect and I’m not judging. I’m just concerned. Let me explain, the older we get the more experience we have under our belt, and, as a result, the more baggage we accumulate. This baggage is the problem. Instead of seeing people they meet as a new person, and enjoying them for what they are, many women are choosing to see others through clouded dirty glasses. What happens as a result? Well, they end up missing the point and missing an opportunity. I mean I get it, when you’ve been burned you are on high alert. Never looking back doesn’t seem like an option. You go into protection mode and either back to your cocoon or you react negatively and take offense to everything. It’s like that one time you touched the hot stove as a child and you learned never to touch hot stoves again.
When I see a woman who’s abrasive (i.e. the “scouring pad”), the woman who’s bitter, the woman who’s obviously got baggage (i.e. the “bag lady”), the woman who’s drinking excessively to mask her pain, the woman who’s reactive, the woman who’s a loose cannon, the woman who’s a complainer (i.e. the “squeaky wheel”), the woman takes every single thing personally, the woman who needs everyone’s approval / seeking validation from others, the woman who thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread or the woman who gives dirty looks to anyone who crosses their path or steps out of line even minutely. I seriously wonder what’s going through their heads and if they know that what they are doing is making them unapproachable. Men, especially the older they get, crave stability in a long-term partner, someone who’s got a good head on her shoulders, confident enough not to cause drama and jealousy and who’s a good, positive force in his life.
I often hear from women who say (and experienced myself) that “men don’t approach women anymore” and they just didn’t get it, so I started observing people’s behavior. What did I find? Well all those negative behaviors mentioned above and hardly any warmth or friendliness. No wonder men have been scared off! Many men have told me this before but until I noticed it for myself I didn’t see the magnitude of the problem because I’m quite approachable and talk to everyone. As the very insightful Dirty in Public once said to me “many women have lack of confidence paired with entitlement“. How true that is! These women think they’re owed something in the world because of what’s happened to them or because of what they’ve accomplished in life and they give off the wrong vibes to the men around them. Men don’t owe us anything, nor do we owe them anything, it should be an equal playing field. We all deserve the best, don’t get me wrong, but not at the expense of being a compassionate human being. I will write more extensively about this topic but it makes me sad that so many people are so hurt and jaded that they can’t see the good in the world.
What’s the solution? Deal with your baggage and move on, don’t look back and CHOOSE the forward path! Once you’ve dealt with your baggage know that you’re not a caterpillar anymore, nor would you want to be, stop trying to get back into the cocoon and enjoy being a butterfly!! The life of a butterfly is soooo much more interesting!! Leave the old world behind!! Fly from flower to flower!! Explore every good thing this world has to offer. You will be happy you did. I made that choice and I’m so happy I did. I’m in a much better place. I am grateful for all the blessings in my life and blessed to not be where I used to be. But, it starts with choice, you have to CHOOSE to fly away and never look back. Plain. Simple.
READERS: Do you have a hard time letting go of baggage and continue to see people through your clouded dirty glasses or have you been able to let go? Share your experience in the comment section below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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