- not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc;
not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free.
not influenced by the thought or action of others;
not relying on another or others for aid or support.
These all sound like great things … governing yourself without worrying about anyone else. Does a relationship, however, remove all autonomy? Yes, and No. It depends on the relationship and it depends on your partner. Some people are more needy than others while some are completely self-sufficient. Having a partner, in my opinion, should enhance your life, not make it worse. This includes your independence. Your partner shouldn’t take anything away from you or control you or your life. A relationship should be collaborative … a partnership. Should be. Not always the case. So when faced with the ending of a relationship, we are left to live independently, like it or not.
In my case, although I am quite autonomous and independent, I found it quite challenging to make the switch. I had never been out on my own before getting married. I went from my parents’ home to my marriage home. After my separation, I was determined to make it without anyone’s help. I knew I could afford it (although it would be tight), but I wanted to do it single-handedly (because that’s just how I am). It was tough, I won’t lie. Learning all about mortgage payments and house bills was my biggest challenge. But I did it. Now over a year later, I’m doing great. But it was my strong will and determination that helped me succeed. There was no way I was going to lose. I was going to come out on top no matter what. This got me thinking, after the end of a relationship, it’s very important to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually but financially as well.
We are often so determined to focus on the “poor me” but what better way to get out of that rut than to actually go out there and prove to yourself and the world that, no, it isn’t “poor me” … it’s “look what I can do without anyone’s help”. Let me tell you, it is the best feeling in the world to not need anyone to dig you out of a hole you created for yourself. Get out those claws and climb out … you can do it. I did it. So can you. I could have sat at home and wallowed in self pity and dug myself deeper in the hole of despair and financial woe, but I didn’t. I toughed it out and clawed my way out of the hole. I am very proud of myself and my family and friends are proud of me too. What better thing could you ask for? Now go out there and claw baby, claw!!!!
Stirring the Dating Sauce,
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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