“Y” Did I Bother?

[Firstly I have to give a shout out to @BatterseaDarlin for giving me this great title! Thank you!]

So I have come to Mr. Y.  Actually when I first met Mr. Y, I totally thought he would be Mr. Z … the one I could totally see myself with.  Boy was I proven wrong!  Turns out I’m not the only one with picky standards!  He’s worse than me!  So he has been divorced for 10 years with no relationships since then.  That should have been my first clue.  I also didn’t follow my own rules on this one either.  But why not bend them if it seems like this is a Mr. Z situation … but then again, if he’s Mr. Z, my mr. right, then I shouldn’t have to should I?  Silly me … well you live and you learn, right?

Mr. Y.  He is someone I knew from a long time ago.  I know his sister.  He is from my community.  He is well-educated, intelligent, established, outgoing … all the things that were on my “list”.  Lucky me I thought!  But it all comes back to “why is he single?” … OK, I’m single too, but I’m out there trying, dating, meeting new people.  I hope that 10 years into my divorce I’m not single, or if I am, I should have a relationship or two under my belt.  He didn’t.  Why didn’t he?  Because, as I said, he was extremely picky.  How?  Well let me start at the beginning.

We knew each other from a long time ago.  We went to schools next door to each other and I would always be at his school at lunch.  We were from the same community.  I saw his profile online and messaged him.  I couldn’t remember how I knew him at first, but then we figured it out.  We chatted for quite a bit before our first date.  He asked me out a couple of weeks back, but I still wasn’t feeling up to going out because I was still drained from being sick.  I ended up calling him to reschedule and we did.  He wanted me to go out to where he was and insisted (first red flag I ignored).  I said OK, why not, I was bored with going to places close to me.  When we met at the agreed place, he insisted we just go to his place for a glass of wine and chat (second red flag I ignored).  After much convincing, I agreed.  It’s not like he’s a stranger.  So we went to his place.  It was nice.  We had a glass of wine and he totally behaved.  He started telling me about his “standards” and “philosophy about relationships” (third red flag I ignored).

So basically, he said there are three things he insists on when dating someone.  Number one was that there has to be fireworks, something about her to keep him thinking.  Number two was that she had to be intelligent.  Number three was the sex had to be mind-blowing and he liked it rough and dirty.  Umm OK … well I thought no worries.  Seems reasonable I guess.  So we went on chatting.  He started going through a list of “what if I hold your hand in public, do you like that?”, “what if we were in a room of friends and I touch your ass, is that OK?” … etc… Umm did he have check list? (fourth red flag I ignored). I then talked about what I was looking for.  We talked about mutual interests and people we know.  We talked about books and philosophy and religion.  The discussion was great.  He was so impressed with all my degrees and my published book.  He thought it was great and wanted to read it. We actually talked about books we wanted to exchange so the other could read them.  Things were going quite smoothly actually.  Honestly, I didn’t get any weird vibe from him.

He kept talking about us in the “future” tense which I found interesting, I believed it.  I guess it was me being hopeful.  But seriously, do I have to always be cynical and not trust anything men EVER say??? He was quite convincing, said it with much ease.  As we were talking he would look at me so intensely.  Not in a creepy way but in an impressed way. He would touch my hand in a soft way.  Honestly, it was so nice to be looked at that way.  We ended up kissing, perhaps it was a mistake but whatever.  We made plans to see each other the next week because he had his son that weekend.  I went home.  I sent him a text message the next day thanking him for a nice evening and wishing him a fun weekend with his son.  He replied “thank you sweetheart, that’s very sweet of you, hope you have a good weekend too”.  I responded thank you.  Didn’t hear back.  Never heard back.  Week went by and no second date … nothing.  WTF??? I never ever figured him to be a “One Date Wonder“.  I didn’t get that vibe or impression at all.  WEIRD!!! I guess I didn’t meet his standards!  How can I trust what anyone says? Really?

So “Y Did I Bother?” … well I shouldn’t have … perhaps wishful thinking … but then again … I think I need to remind myself of my red flag standards and why they are there.  What’s next for the Single Dating Diva?  Well … wouldn’t you like to know?! Keep watching … I feel there’s something new and exciting on the horizon …

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. […] my blog will know I got caught in one of these situations recently, see “Y Did I Bother?” here . I totally didn’t take him for a player, but he was. Generally I don’t get played, or let them […]


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