Should the Past Stay in the Past?

I sometimes wonder do we need to bring our past relationships into our present ones. I am a big believer that our past shapes us and makes us who we are, but do we need to share it? Does our new partner need to know about all our previous partners, sexually or not? Although, I think it’s important to be honest, perhaps not every detail needs to be shared. The older you get, the more you experience and it’s not necessarily stuff you want to share. Like I’ve spoken of before about our numbers I don’t think anyone needs to know how many people you’ve slept with. That’s personal and they shouldn’t ask to begin with. But what about how many people you’ve dated? I think that’s personal too. There’s a stigma with dating many people … you’re thought of as either loose or non-committal or perhaps that something is wrong with you. Not fair, I know, but it’s the truth. There’s a reason I stay anonymous.

So, what do you tell and when do you tell it. In the beginning, when you’re getting to know someone I honestly don’t think they need to know details. Telling stories and experiences is alright, just no details or numbers. For example, one great date I went on we talked about all our dating disasters and it turned out to be a fun night where we both shared our funniest experiences. We didn’t end up really clicking as a couple, but we did enjoy our chats and remained friends. I have also been on dates where the guy wanted to know in detail how many guys I have gone on dates within the past two weeks … I was like WTF? Controlling much? There is no need for details. General stories only! Once you enter a mutually exclusive relationship and time has passed there is nothing wrong with sharing some details. But I caution against numbers and names. It’s a small world, people know people and no one wants to bump in to someone they know that you’ve slept with. If it’s common knowledge and you were in a relationship it’s different, but don’t divulge info if you don’t have to. It’s only gotten me into sticky situations that I regretted later. Of course honesty is important, but don’t open a door that’s closed.

So should the past stay in the past. I say YES. Learn from it and grow and MOVE ON! There is no reason to bring it up again. There is no reason to give your current love interest anything to compare with or feel threatened by. We all have a past and we all have skeletons in our closet. Let’s keep them there. No need for them to scare off a new liaison. I know I don’t want to hear about anyone’s skeletons … well unless their ghost is potentially going to haunt me … but that’s another story!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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