What an odd topic you say? No, not really. This is what happened to me recently. Constant wishful thinking made me quite ill. I recently have had an extended period off of work because I was recovering from something I shouldn’t have had to begin with because I have none of the risk factors (it usually comes to the elderly, obese or inactive and I’m young, healthy and quite active). The only other risk factor was stress. It got me thinking about stress and how it affects our life. Well, first I needed to decide what my stress is related to. Number one stresser over the past couple of years is definitely the end of my marriage and subsequent divorce. I think that’s what killed me inside. Now, I am going through the Catholic Church’s version of divorce … the Annulment … yes, I have to prove that my marriage never existed if I ever want to get married in the Church again … as one friend put it, it’s a “divorce made in heaven”. What’s stressing me? Well, having to relive all the pain and heartache once again. Not to mention, my ex wants nothing to do with the process, he doesn’t care. He also doesn’t want to contribute financially (it’s going to cost me around $2000).
Why am I putting myself through this you ask? Well, one is to appease my family. Second, a “just in case” if I marry someone who wants to get married in the Church. Third, well, I think I need this severing, it’s a kind of final closure. Because of my life experience, I’ve learned you never know what tomorrow brings. Since this process takes over a year, I am getting it out-of-the-way. Who knows, maybe I will actually meet my mr right and get married. Although, I have to admit the thought of marrying again makes me want to vomit. I’m sure when the time comes and the right person comes, I won’t feel that way. Who knows. Every day to me is a surprise.
So what else is making me stressed to the point of illness? Well, all those crappy dating experiences I’ve had over the past year have left a lot to be desired. Some are laughable, but some are downright awful. I haven’t even wrote about all of them. Like the guy who pulled out his penis in the middle of our conversation and started playing with it. I mean, who does that? He seemed like a normal guy! How about the furnace repair guy who wanted “inspect my furnace” … he didn’t mean the one in my basement. Umm … I have given up hope that any normal guys exist. Mr. Consistently Inconsistent also is a cause of stress for me. After almost a year and a half I think something’s gotta give. I want to move forward with him so badly it hurts. I know it’s wishful thinking. I’m realistic, don’t worry. Remember, I’m the one that dishes out the tough love. But this wishful thinking and disappointment after disappointment is making me ill. No doubt about it.
OK, I know, I need to think positive. I always say “thinking positive bring positive experiences” … now I need to get back in that frame of mind because I can’t let life make me ill anymore. I need to walk forward confidently and focus on all the great things in my life and how blessed I am to have wonderful family and friends who love and support me. As for being single, well, I hope I’ll write about Mr. Z soon … you know, my “mr. right” … who knows what’s hiding around the corner!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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