Testers versus Keepers in Dating

testers-keepers-datingI recently had a conversation with someone about my dating woes, he had read my blogs and had surmised that my troubles stemmed from the fact that I was deemed a “tester” rather than a “keeper”. Initially, I was offended, but then, I thought, perhaps he was right. The thought had crossed my mind before. Perhaps he was right. I thought I always was a keeper … what changed?

Well, my serial dating for one. I had been going out with a lot of people … if you read my blog you know that I had gone through all the letters of the alphabet, plus others I didn’t mention. That’s at least 30 in less than a year. Mind you, some were “one date wonders” and others were longer term, but that is a big number. But is there a “right” number? And what makes someone a “keeper” and not a “tester”? Where do you fit in? Here are some ideas …

Testers versus Keepers in Dating


  • Easy to get, easy to keep, you don’t have to try very hard with them
  • Gives you everything you want right away
  • You can read them
  • Appears to just want to have fun
  • Not a person you bring home to mom
  • Not a person you introduce to your friends
  • See them when you feel like it
  • Not worth the effort
  • Booty Call, Not Relationship, Worthy


  • Plays hard to get
  • Keeps you wondering
  • You can’t mess around
  • The type of person you are proud to introduce to your family and friends
  • You can’t wait until the next time you speak and see them
  • Making them happy makes you happy
  • Meets your needs

Upon reflection, yes, I’ve been a tester. So is there anything wrong with being a “tester”, not at all, if that’s where you want to be … after all isn’t dating a test? I was testing too, to find out what, and who, I really wanted, especially after my divorce. Aren’t you trying people on for size too? Sure you are … I am, I admit it. Some guys I dated were testers for me.

Sometimes, you don’t see each other the same, like a tester thinking of the other as a keeper. That’s happened to me. But really, I want to be a keeper with a guy who is a keeper as well and thinks I am a keeper … so, I will keep testing, but now that I know what I want, I won’t just go out there for the fun of it … or will I?

READERS: Do you think there are testers versus keepers in dating? What’s the difference? 

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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