Open Relationships and My Chat With Dr. Ruth

Open relationships seem to be the new trend … we seem to hear about it more and more lately.  Why? I can’t say, but I do know that particularly successful, established men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to feel the need to expand their repertoire to include more than their significant other.  Recently, a survey in Canada revealed that Ottawa (the capitol city, and where I live) was ranked the cheating capital of Canada.  Basically, the most cheaters in all the land.  Makes me so proud. But I wasn’t surprised one bit.  Why not?  Because dating in this environment had already led me to the same conclusion, that it was impossible to find a guy who really wanted a monogamous relationship in Ottawa.  I had been approached by countless married men, dated an engaged one unknowingly and found that online dating sites were full of men who were just looking to play.  My friends and others I’ve spoken to have encountered the same experiences.  Why does no one want to commit?  Are open relationships the way of the future?  Are we going against our nature being monogamous?  All valid questions that I don’t have an answer to.  So I went looking for the answer!

I heard Dr. Ruth Westheimer was in town visiting her son and was going to be at a local book store to speak about her new book Sexually Speaking: What Every Woman Needs to Know about Sexual Health. My friend and I decided to go, we didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see the legend speak!  She certainly didn’t disappoint! I have to say I admire her energy and candor, especially being 80+ years old, which is why I thought she could answer my question about “open relationships” … if anyone knew she would, right?  After she made us all say “orgasm” and “clitoris” she spoke about her book, her life and sexuality in general and told us all to masturbate, especially before going out on a date or to a bar/club to avoid one night stands and random sexual encounters. She encouraged positive sexual habits within a trusting, mutually beneficial environment.  It’s all good if everyone’s happy.  Then when she opened it up for questions, I saw this as my opportunity … I asked:

“dating in your 30’s and 40’s seems to have new implications, open relationships are becoming more common and somehow have become “normal” and expected from many men I meet … what are your thoughts on this?”

She liked my question so much I got a prize! Well, I guess she’s heard it all before but this one had a special place in her heart.  She  immediately said she didn’t agree with the concept.  She went on to talk about relationships needing growth and understanding between two people who work together over time.  When you are in a relationship, she said, you are that person’s “significant other” (with a focus on the word significant) and how can you be their significant other if there’s more than one?  I do agree with her, but what do you do when you are faced with no other alternative?  Well, she thinks you should not enter that type of situation to begin with.  I went to speak and take a picture with her after her talk and asked her “Dr. Ruth, so what should I say if a guy asks be to be in an open relationship?” She said out loud, in her accent, “Tell them Dr. Ruth said NO!! and tell them I said they can do it in their minds!!” … we had some good laughs and I thanked her for having my back and for her great advice.

So there you go ladies and gents … open relationships are NOT a good idea!! But they do happen and some people are OK with it … so make your own choices, but never do anything you feel isn’t right for you.  As I always say BE TRUE TO YOU!!!

You can follow Dr. Ruth on Twitter here: @AskDrRuth or visit her Web Site here:

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. I couldn’t agree more that open relationships seem to be the way of the future. While it is discouraging for those of us who still believe in monogamy, at the same time it’s changed the way everyone about relationships. I think societies acceptance of these types of relationships has had a severe impact on infidelity, as well.


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