My Very Own “50 Shades of Grey”

When I heard about the book 50 Shades of Grey, I was curious but not interested right away.  Then as interest and hype increased, it piqued my interest a little more, but I’m a fan of Historical Fiction as well as Paolo Coelho and Khalil Gibran, so I don’t jump right on the bandwagon with other books.  Then the book got banned from some libraries and other places … OK NOW I’m interested!! You know me, if something is causing a little controversy I’m right on it!  So I ordered the trilogy online and started reading.  Nothing like a little erotica and BDSM to get you going!

It made me think … why is it such a hit?  I recently wrote about how women are so independent that they don’t think they need men anymore and it’s scaring men off and that’s why, I argue, chivalry is dead.  This book is about a smart, educated, independent women who is completely overtaken by a strong, assertive, dominating man.  Could that be what women REALLY want?  That this whole women’s movement is all a bunch of BS? I’m not sure, but it has made me think so.  Perhaps it’s the erotic nature of the book, but seriously, it wasn’t THAT out of the ordinary (actually, ahem, quite tame compared to … wait, I digress), OK, maybe there’s a bunch of sexually frustrated women out there who needed a boost.  Well, then this book was a good thing.  Regardless, this book had a different impact on me.

So I started reading and the more I read on, the more I didn’t want to read.  Not because it was disturbing but I didn’t want to read because I had lived something quite similar and I didn’t want to go back there.  I had my very own Christian Grey.  The only difference was that he wasn’t as generous and it wasn’t a public “relationship”.   It’s uncanny really.  It really really is.  I kept reading and putting it down.  Reading and putting it down.  I hated it, but I had to finish the book.

So what was it about Christian Grey that reminded me of my relationship (if that’s what you want to call it) with, well let’s call him “The Boss”?  First and foremost he is the quintessential “Alpha Male”, no doubt about who he is and his influence.  He’s controlling, needs to be the one who makes the all the decisions, especially always taking the lead about when we see each other, what we’re doing and where we’re doing it.  He wanted to be the only one I talked to and was with without making any sort of commitment to me.  He also had a mesmerizing effect on me, and this is where the book really got to me.

From the moment The Boss and I met it was an incredible connection.  Heart palpitations, stomach butterflies, dry mouth, fumbling, shaking … you name it.  It was like a big ball of energy hit me in the head.  Instantly we were drawn to each other and became somewhat obsessed with each other.  If someone had told me about feeling that way I would have called them crazy.  But it was very real.  Just as it was in the book between Ana and Christian, it was between The Boss and me.  I hated it and him at the same time as loving him and the whole thing.  It was pure insanity.  No matter how hard we both tried to stop, we couldn’t.

There was an inexplicable force between us … drawing us together.  Touching each other was like a surge of energy.  Insanity.  Soul mates I thought … that must be it.  That or pure evil.  Whatever it was I didn’t want it to go away, I gave in. Big mistake.  The more I gave in the more he took over my body and soul … and took advantage of the fact that I would do anything for him.  No matter what anyone told me I didn’t believe it, I knew I needed him like I needed water and air.  Insanity? Or maybe Obsession.

What was crazy about the book and what freaked me out were the messages between Ana and Christian and how they spoke with each other … even the WORDS used.  I could seriously go back into my messages and read some of the SAME WORDS.  That made me think, wait a minute, do men like The Boss and Christian Grey create these feelings in women?  Is there some sort of handbook? Do they create the energy that is generated?  Is it all planned?  No, it can’t be, but can it?  It’s so identical that it’s uncanny!  I knew after a long while I needed out of that liaison.  It wasn’t going anywhere.  I needed something in return, a real relationship, something he wasn’t giving me.

Anyway, with that behind me, reading the book just brought up some unhappy and uncomfortable feelings, but it also made me grateful for having that kind of intense, mind-blowing and euphoric love affair.  Now I just need to settle down with someone who loves me and I love them.  I want to give my all to someone who gives their all to me.  But just a word of caution to all you ladies out there who want your very own Mr. Grey … it may be exciting at first, but it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. Isn’t it wonderful to have experienced those feelings, though? I’m with you, it’s a fabulous and maybe even necessary experience – but it can’t (and shouldn’t!) last.


  2. There is something beautifully addictive about a man who you build instant trust with, the walls come down, and there are no limits to your sexual relationship. I have had one relationship like that (sigh…when will the next one come along). That instant connection, the zing and then the like mindedness of wanting to enjoy ourselves sexually with no hesitation. I would never call him my Grey because he was not controlling, jealous, or in any way possessive. I did however benefit from the sexual side of the Grey relationship and that is just fine by me.

    The dangerous part of the relationship, the control, the dependency on one another…that I’d never want.


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