Did you ever have dating deja vu? You know, putting someone on dating repeat. We go back for more every time … same person or same type of person over and over. Like our favorite song that we keep repeating, we do the same in dating. We all have a type … c’mon admit it. We all do. For me, I can’t help it, I like a strong alpha male who is assertive, successful and hard to get. What can I say, I like the challenge. Of course, it usually means a very frustrating and difficult road but in the end it’s oh so satisfying.
Feel Good Factor
We always gravitate to things we like, things that make us feel good. There are certain things about others, as well as objects, that trigger our affection towards them. The problem is that these triggers make us wear our rose colored glasses and we don’t see (or choose to ignore) the faults of these people or objects. For example, if we love ice cream (I love ice cream), we see it and we want it, we crave it, we can taste it in our mouths, we have to have it. At that moment in time, we forget how much fat is in it or how many calories it has. We just see the ice cream for the positive feelings it gives us. We do the same for things we don’t like, we will find any excuse not to go near it. For me, if the nicest, good on paper guy in the world wanted to go out with me and I just didn’t “feel it” then I would make an excuse. I know I do, like, oh he has a funny looking nose, or he doesn’t like ice cream. If it was a guy I really liked and wanted, then those things wouldn’t matter. So we naturally gravitate to things that make us feel good and give us a natural “high”.
Putting You On Dating Repeat – But WHY?
But, here is a question I have, if we naturally gravitate to the feel good people and foods, then, why do we keep putting people that hurt us and end up making us miserable on dating repeat? Is it that initial natural high? Is it the challenge? Is it because we feel we don’t deserve better? I’m not sure to be completely honest. Perhaps it can be equated to addictive behavior. We keep going back for that high even though we know it’s not good for us. The decision making process is altered and we only see the good and forget all the bad. I can speak for myself. There are certain people and things I keep gravitating towards, even though I know they are bad for me. I just love that momentary high I get from them. Is it worth the pain and suffering I get after, well, not sure about that, but it sure feels good at the time!!
Well, you know what? I like what I like … for better or for worse … what can I say … soooo let me put you on repeat …
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
This tendency to repeat, it seems like it is human nature, but something we have to fight against if it’s ultimately not good for us. I, for one, tend to find some situations comfortable because they are familiar, not necessarily good for me. It feels weird to be treated nicely, to treat myself nicely, put myself first, simply because I’m not used to it. Gotta get used to it.
I completely agree with you! You’re so right … we are so used to being treated like crap that we don’t know better, but really we SHOULD know better! We deserve better!
I think we get stuck in dating do-overs for different reasons and it completely depends on what stage in your life you are in at the moment. Boredom, emotional validation, physical gratification, or even love can make the frustration or pain of a dead-end relationship seem worth it. There’s nothing wrong with surrendering to the familiar- as long as you realize that odds are the relationship is frozen in the present and it doesn’t inhibit you from moving forward into the future. Incredible post, Diva. My advice; wash that man out of your hair! ❤
I totally agree my friend … I think I need a STRONGER shampoo!!! LOL!!
Bad guys / girls are like a drug… we love them, even though they are bad for us. That’s it. We need a 12 step program from dating repeat. LOL
I like that idea … 12 step programs always work, don’t they? 😉
So… here is the thing… women who love the bad guys… they just need to find a guy who’s good at heart, and strong in character… but who also loves to be bad and keep the mystery about himself alive… LOL Because my man is / was a confirmed bachelor with a little black book, until we met… and we are both open, honest, and have a FANTASTIC time together. It never gets old, it’s always exciting and I love it. I’ve found and am keeping my bad guy! Until,that is, one of us gets bored…
Great post! Thanks!
Love that! I want my bad guy tooooo!!! I think even the confirmed bachelors can get the wind knocked out of them sometimes … congrats on your catch!!
Strong alpha males are highly overrated. I’m sure part of the reason women keep going back is 1) the obvious: because they are handsome and successful, and, of course, in the game of evolution, that’s good for your genes; 2) they validate you (instead of you validating you); 3) because you’re not ready to get serious; 4) because something in this chase for love feels familiar to you.
Thanks Neely 🙂 I think for me it’s because I’m such a strong personality and alpha myself, so I feel equal energy from alpha males. Men who aren’t alpha (I even married a non-alpha) just can’t keep up! We all have our reasons, but we like what we like. I don’t like an easygoing quiet existence, that’s why alpha’s are great for me, not for everyone.
Hmmm…. Alpha Males!?!? Really??? What about the correlation between Alphas and promiscouity and infidelity. Players! Watch out what you wish for! Those who want to play games will end up being played… 😦
Comments are closed.