Can You PLEASE Stop Kissing Me? A Dating Story.

So I promised you a recent dating story and here it is.  It’s a bit longer, but worth the read.  It’s a story about a guy I dated for a couple of months, not quite a relationship, but not quite casual either … not sure what to call it.  Well, regardless, it is worth sharing because this, my friends, is why I rarely date anyone who knows about my blog.  But let’s start at the beginning…

When I met Mr. Kissy Face, I found him attractive, intelligent and a great conversationalist.  We had a lot in common, equally geekish about lots of topics.  We hit it off right away.  He wasn’t what I’d like to call an “Alpha Male” but he was definitely worth giving a chance.  We had a little miscommunication about contact in the beginning but when everything got cleared up it was smooth sailing, or so I thought.  He knew about my blog (and he would quote me from it) because someone where we met had told him (I wasn’t impressed).  I usually don’t advertise my blog when I’m meeting guys. I’m almost positive he’s been frequently checking my blog to see if I’ve written anything.  I wasn’t going to, but, every story is worth sharing, right?

Date 1: We went for coffee mid-week, it was a great time, we talked for hours about lots of interesting, intelligent topics.  He kept looking at my chest, but then again a lot of men do.  I discounted it.  Even though I offered to pay for my drink he insisted and I accepted.  The night ended with a hug.  Overall I would say it was a positive experience.

Date 2: He texted me a few days later to ask if I would like to go out again to play mini-golf (me? mini-golf?).  I responded that although I would very much enjoy seeing him again, mini-golf wasn’t really my thing.  He came back a couple of hours later with a great idea of going for a nice nature walk and then a glass of wine – mid-week.  Sounded good to me, I was in.  Again we walked and talked for hours and hours.  We laughed a lot and joked around too.  I had a great time but a trend started emerging, I realized that he had some prejudices and discriminated against people of certain faiths and cultures.  That was a bit concerning, but he was very much a thinker and it seemed that he was  trying to understand why things were the way they were.  I thought maybe it was just that, him working through things, processing.  Those that know me know that I’m not at all prejudiced against anyone or anything, so if he was that way, it was definitely a deal breaker.  Again I offered to pay my share and he wouldn’t have it.  We ended with a kiss on the cheek and a goodbye.  Again, an overall positive experience.

Things That Make You Go Hmm: I thought that at this point I should initiate the 3rd date since I was interested in seeing him again.  I sent him an email saying that I really enjoyed our date and that there was a museum exhibit I would like to see and wanted to know if he would like to go on the weekend.  He responded that he was busy helping his parents with some renovations around the house that weekend but he definitely would take a rain check.  I said no problem and told him to let me know when he could go.  One week passed.  Two weeks passed.  No word from him at all.  I figured with all the mid-week dates and disappearance that he was dating someone else.  I just let it go and moved on.  Then, he emailed me …

Date 3: So he emailed me and apologized for his disappearance saying that he was dealing with some family issues and was busy with that.  He said he’d like to see me again.  I mulled it over and decided I enjoyed his company so why not just go to dinner.  I went.  Again, mid-week.  I asked him to pick me up this time.  Again, we had a great time and talked for hours, then went for a walk.  He was starting to show more and more of his prejudices and it was a bit of a turnoff but those who know me know that I like to prove people wrong, so I had the chance to do that on several occasions and he was pretty receptive.  He paid for the pretty pricey dinner then drove me home and we talked a bit in the car with his arm around me, I was waiting to see if he would go for the gold … well, he just snuck a quick peck on the lips and kept talking.  I remember thinking, that’s it?  OK fine.  We said our good nights and went our separate ways.  Again, positive overall.

A Small Hiccup:  He kept messaging me after that wanting to go out again.  I was really busy with some work commitments and got sick.  He wanted to take me out for my favorite Pho but I just couldn’t.  Weeks passed and he stopped trying.  When I felt better I emailed him asking him if he wanted to go with me to this restaurant that had a palm reader because I wanted to write about it (I still have to write about that don’t I?).  He accepted.

Date 4: We met up at the restaurant (mid-week).  We sat, we ate, we talked, we got our palms read and had an overall good time.  I had to really insist and paid for dinner this time.  It was raining really hard outside, but he walked me to my car at the end of the night.  He gave me a kiss and wanted to prolong it but I wasn’t having any of it.  Not only was it raining, I wasn’t going to be doing that sort of thing in plain sight of the world.  Otherwise, it was a good night.

Date 5: We finally got to that Pho place the next week (mid-week).  It was great, again great conversation but I found out he was part of this skeptics club and he asked me to go to a meeting.  Thanks but no thanks.  He ended up coming to sit beside me instead of in front of me.  OK I thought, fine.  But then he started getting all touchy feely and wanted to kiss and make out in the restaurant.  Um, no!  Nothing wrong with a peck on the cheek but not full on kissing.  WTF?  I told him I really wasn’t a public displays person and although I appreciated his attraction, this wasn’t the time or place for it.  He said he just found me so irresistible and wanted to kiss me, but he understood.  He paid and we left.  We shared a bit of a kiss outside and went our separate ways.

Stop KissingDate 6: Finally, a weekend date happened when we went to that museum exhibit.  He emailed me to ask if I wanted to go and I said of course.  He asked if I could meet at his place and we would go from there (he even set the time).  I said sure, I got to his place at the appointed time and no one was answering.  I kept buzzing and no one.  Hmm I thought.  So, I tried again and he answered all groggy and told me to come up.  I went up and he was half asleep, he had slept in.  He said that he just was going to take a quick shower and we’ll go.  OK I said, so I sat and waited.  I didn’t enjoy my wait because it smelled really odd in his house … it wasn’t a food smell, or a body odor smell, or a drug smell … I’m familiar with those, it was something I never had smelled before.  Barf.  What a turn-off … I’m all about nice smells and cleanliness and that was just gross.  So needless to say I was happy when we left.  We went to the museum and on the way he explained how he spent most of the night reading all the posts from my blog.  OK, I thought no worries.

We got to the museum and I said I would pay for myself and he would pay for himself and he was surprised.  I asked why and he said “well in your blog you said you want the guy to pay all the time”.  I said sure, but it’s nice of me to pay too sometimes.  We enjoyed the time there, it was a great exhibit, but, one thing I didn’t enjoy is him trying to full on kiss me all the time.  Not only was it public but it was in front of kids.  I explained again to please not do that and he said OK he was sorry he just couldn’t resist.  We sat down and talked about random things and then I noticed it was time for me to go (I had to go meet my parents somewhere).  In the car ride back I explained my reasons for not wanting PDA.  He said he understood.  When he dropped me off he gave me a kiss on the cheek and joked how that was nice and platonic and asked if I wanted to come over after I was finished to watch a movie, I said I couldn’t because I had to get up early for work the next day and he said OK.

Downhill Spiral: The next day I was inspired by my experience and wrote my post about Public Displays of Affection.  I pretty much wrote everything I had explained to him the day before in the car.  The day after I got an “anonymous” comment saying that I was a hypocrite and that I should tell men from the beginning that I didn’t like PDA and not mislead them.  This “anonymous” went on to tell me why I’m a hypocrite and how other things I wrote on my public blog were worse than a kiss in public … then, they quoted several quotes from my blog with the links referencing them.  Whoever this was went to A LOT of trouble to do this and it really felt personal.  I was sure it was him because it was his style and the way he did things.  I spammed the comment (I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of responding) and I let it rest and I haven’t heard from him since, which also proves to me that the comment was him.  It was also a big turnoff that he didn’t have the guts to actually put his name.

So, there you go … was kissing REALLY that important to him or did he feel rejected?  Was I too hard on him? I don’t know … like I said before you need to be on the same page with someone in the things that were important to you.  I really don’t think we were, but, it was too bad because I really did enjoy spending time with him and our long talks (even though he was pretty much skeptical about everything and seemed to have many prejudices).  It also bothered me that he only wanted mid-week dates even though I proposed many weekend dates … why? Was I the only one? Hmm, someone told me that a lot of guys keep weekend dates to those they are serious about, I’m not sure what was the case.  It really doesn’t matter at this point.

I also really think everything he did was as a result of something he read in my blog (like paying, etc) and that is why I rarely date people who read my blog, it makes them act differently.  Although everything I write about is true, it’s only a part of who I am, there are many sides to every story and I have a lot of other things about me that I don’t share.  He also saw me as a bit of a novelty because of my blog, I didn’t like that. I want someone to want me for me … not because of my blog.  I think part of the public displays was to show the world he was with me, I didn’t like that either.  Oh well … another one bites the dust! Next!!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

6 comments

  1. Diva, can I be honest? This smacks of a type of guy who believes that once he’s put in a certain amount of ‘effort’ or even expenditure (hence the insistence to pay) in a relationshsip, he has earned the right to some of your body!! Methinks the constant kissing and the invite back for a movie were his way of trying to move things to a sexual level and your stance (and post) on PDA’s made it clear that this wasn’t happening anytime soon. His comment then comes with a feeling of rejection along with bitterness that he didn’t get what he feels he earned a right to! If I’m right, well rid Diva, well rid.

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  2. Wow this a really interesting blog post. I will leave the PDA and passive aggressive blog comment part aside as they speak for themselves.

    I found it really amazing how patient you both were with each other in the multi-week gaps in communication. I would have totally bailed.

    I have met members of the skeptics club before. Faith/religion and them don’t mix on a philosophical level. It is not really a prejudice and discrimination, it is more that most religions don’t provide much in the way of back-up or proof for their respective set of beliefs and hence it doesn’t fly with skeptics.

    You comments about the awkwardness of having a dating blog are also really interesting. I once met someone via a friend who had a blog (where she dished on almost everything to do with her dating). My friend introduced me to her one time and mentioned the blog and discussed it for 10 minutes prior to determining I was single. She had a shocked reaction followed by an awkward reaction. I was interested before but I certainly wasn’t interested then, and was really, really not interested after I read some of it.

    Excellent post!

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  3. Wow! What a creep!!!

    If you say you don’t like something, then you don’t like something. Why people feel the need to pressure people like that is beyond me. That is just horrible.

    And so awkward that he studied your blog like that!! Ugh!

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  4. I agree with weezafish in that this guy was trying to “buy” you in a sense. Even if you could have I doubt you would have gone considering the smell of his place. The mid-week thing definitely screamed that he was seeing more than one person (a big no no in my book).

    As you know, I write about my own dating experiences. The only people IRL who know about it are my close friends. I do fear a negative reaction if someone I’m seeing reads it. A male friend once commented that he would be afraid that of what I would write…and as we both know, we only write when things seem to go horribly wrong and no longer seeing that person. The fact that this man was a coward in commenting on your blog as he did speaks volumes. I think you were right to spam him but it would have depended on my mood on if I confronted him about it or not. 🙂

    I short, bullet dodged!

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