Peter Pan Syndrome

peter pan syndromeWe all know who Peter Pan is.  If you don’t know who Peter Pan is, he is a kid that could fly and never grew up and spent his life getting into some sort of mischief on the island of Neverland with his friends.  He had a bit of a romance with Wendy and then her daughter apparently (because Wendy grew up), then there’s a little somethin’ somethin’ with  Tinker Bell.  I don’t know … where were we, oh yes, Peter Pan.  Well, during my dating misadventures I have met a lot who suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome.  You know, those guys who never seem to grow up.  They want to stay young virile men forever.  The ones that inevitably end up as Dirty Old Men?  Ya those.  Why are there so many of them.  It’s a phenomenon I swear.  Whatever happened to real men?  Did they all end up in Neverland? They are so few and far between that I’m starting to think they were just a figment of my imagination …

Peter Pan Syndrome

The Symptoms

How do you know you or someone you have met has Peter Pan Syndrome?  Here are some signs:

  • is over 30 and still goes drinking/clubbing/to the pub every weekend
  • says he wants to find a partner but always ends up single because no girl is good enough to meet his standards
  • is looking for a girl to blow his mind or else she’s not good enough
  • is promiscuous
  • is narcissistic
  • is extremely social
  • has a job that feeds his need for attention
  • thinks he is a great catch and makes sure to tells you so
  • thinks that all girls want him, he’s just the choosy one
  • thinks that just because a girl is friendly and nice to him that she’s in love with him
  • hops on a plane at any given moment to go off on some adventure
  • has made an ideal life in his head that he thinks is the one he should have and won’t settle for anything less
  • believes they deserve to have everything they want how they want it
  • easily distracted by shiny objects

Does this sound like you? Someone you know? Or worse, someone you’ve dated?  I can say I’ve met quite a few of these Peter Pans and they are so frustrating because you know what?  They are my type … am I just a delusional Wendy after all? Or maybe Tinker Bell? Ya I would say Tinker Bell.  I don’t know, I just know I need to get off the ride because I’m starting to get nauseous! These Peter Pans are cramping my style … they have everything I am looking for in someone but they just want to be bachelors (even though they say otherwise)!!

The Treatment

Although this is quite a serious condition, there’s good news, it is not life threatening.  Maturity is the answer.  Yes folks, an intervention is in order here.  The problem is that there has to be a willingness on the part of Peter Pan to finally grow up and take some responsibility for his life.  The Peter Pan will always be a part of him regardless, but growing up is possible.  They need to finally assess where they are in their life and where they really want to be.  If they want to stay where they are, that’s fine, they just need to make sure to make that clear to everyone else.  Once they finally face who they are they will be much happier.  Most of these Peter Pans that I know, deep down, are very unhappy.  They are never fully fulfilled, they really can’t get no satisfaction … any old way they try.  To be happy you need to be realistic.  That’s the treatment … grow up and face reality.  Plain.  Simple. But then again, wasn’t it Coco Chanel that said “As long as you know most men are like children, you know everything.” … so then? Hmm …

Have you dated a Peter Pan? Are you a Peter Pan?  I would love your comments!!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

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  1. Went on a date with a Peter Pan I met at a bar. Firstly, why would I go on a date with a 38 yr old who only hangs out in bars? Mistake numero uno. Then he went on and on about how great he is and his past experiences and how he now just wants to live life to the fullest (just have fun…like a kid) and ‘oh will you go home with me?’
    Pshht, Grow up.
    Good post!


  2. I am 40 and in my recent, new, single status, I have found quite a few of the “Peter Pans” in my area. Two gentlemen come to mind: both are successful business men, one owns a bar, the other several businesses, but they both are in the bars every weekend, drink really heavy, and only date 20 year old bartenders. The women they date MUST be busty, blonde and dumb: they say women their age “don’t get them”. I say we get them, we just are not interested in their immature selves! By the way, one is 42 and the other 44, never married, and neither has ever had kids.


  3. I had no idea I was dealing with a ‘Peter Pan’ until I attended a series of Relationship/dating classes that opened my eyes to the truth. I simply asked the teacher- ‘What do you call a man who uses women for sex and doesn’t want to commit’? She says: ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’ They don’t want to grow up and commit, they just want to play’…. It was then that I hurtfully decided to end the unhealthy relationship with ‘Peter Pan’… He has way to many Tinker bells in his life that are young, sexy and available for him to use.. I really liked him a lot.. but knew years back that he was a ‘player’.. but I figured that maybe by now he was more mature and maybe there was a possibility for ‘us’.. The only possibility that manifested is.. I became like a ‘Domestic Mom’ to him, He agreed to have me come and clean his home for him. I still really liked him a lot, but my friend kept trying to discourage me from getting my hopes up..She saw the truth and all I could see was Magic Stardust flying before me.. Was I becoming a ‘Wendy Delima ‘? “Peter’ took me out a few times and charmed my heart.. We got physical after he persued me with promises of love and adoration through ‘text’ because I was on my way home and he begged me to come back for a ‘visit to NeverLand’. I was deceived in his little game of Persuit, and played along. I had no idea he was ‘drunk’ that first time.. until I was back home and he ( again) texted me with tender words like ‘I love you’.. Of course it put a huge smile on my face and in my heart!! Wow- I became his age and felt cherished and missed. ( but it was just a game) The stardust subsided when I saw that one of the Tinker bells had left him a love note attached to cookware. Apparently, She to is one of his ‘victims’ of a fantasy. In fact he recently sent me a photo copy of her body .. I guess so he can prove his ‘macho’ and prideful behavior that he knows sexy women who also play men with their body’s. My friend was right. I got hurt and ended this story. Because I no longer wanted to be a Wendy or a Tinker bell. I just wanted to be Kathy and hope to end up with a Grown up Man and not a little kid who just wants to play..


  4. So a man grows up by giving up all hopes and standards and settling down with one unattractive woman? Or is the problem rather that no man, whatever his age, is interested in a 40-year-old woman?


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