Why do people find it so hard to say goodbye? I mean how hard is it to say “sorry I don’t think this is going to work”. It’s really not that hard. Trust me, it’s easier than avoiding someone, lying or staying in a bad relationship. It not only shows integrity, it shows that you respect the person … not to mention it shows that you have guts. After you’ve thought things through and decided someone isn’t right for you then it’s not right to lead them on any further.
I would equate breaking up to ripping off a band-aid … whether you rip it off fast or slowly remove it, it still needs to come off. Although Paul Simon sang that there are 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, I will share some things that I feel are important, I think you would agree …
- Honesty is the Best Policy: If you don’t want to be with someone then that’s completely OK, you just need to be honest with yourself and them about it. Give your reasons and listen to what they have to say. If you can’t come to an agreement or agree to work together to make the relationship happen, then move on. By the way the “it’s not you it’s me” line is not acceptable. Try something like, “although we’ve had some good times together, I don’t feel we’re suited because …” Even if you just want to see other people you need to be honest about it, especially if you’re not seriously dating someone.
- Be Timely: Don’t drag on an unhappy liaison with anyone because you really don’t have to. Staying in an unhappy relationship could cause you resentment or even result in cheating to get your needs met elsewhere. That only makes things worse.
- Be Level Headed & Sensitive: There is absolutely no reason to approach leaving someone in a negative way. It might evoke some negative feelings, but try and stay level headed and be sensitive to the person you’re breaking up with. If they get emotional, maintain your level-headedness and if you’ve absolutely decided not to be with them, then restate your reasons in a sensitive way. Never, ever attack them emotionally, physically or mentally.
- Do It Privately & Preferably in Person: If you can’t face the person, then ask yourself why? Are you being fair? Although it’s so much easier to do it over text, email or post-it note, you are not doing yourself or them a favor. Not doing it in person is impersonal and could lead to lack of closure and baggage which gets messy.
- Cut Ties: Once you’ve left them then LEAVE them. It’s not fair of you to keep messaging them or touching base, it only makes things worse. It’s very rare that lovers turn into friends, so unless you think emotional ties are completely cut, avoid staying in touch … AND NO BREAKUP SEX or SEX WITH YOUR EX!!
So before you “slip out the back Jack” make sure to let the person you’re seeing know … you know so they don’t think you fell into a sink hole or something. It’s just common courtesy and respectful.
Would love to hear your personal experience with telling someone it’s over! Just leave a comment below 🙂
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva