In my post “Secrets Revealed: Why People Cheat” I spoke about cheating being a signal that there is a problem in the relationship and that there is a lack of fulfillment from their partner. Don’t get me wrong, there are those who cheat for the sport of it and because they have the inability to be monogamous, but, they aren’t the majority. I get several questions about cheating from people being cheated on, and from people who are participating in the act. This is one question, I thought would be good to share, because, although the line may be clear for some, most don’t know it until they’ve crossed it.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I wanted to ask you a question. Can you define cheating? What is cheating exactly? I’ve been seeing this girl who is in a long distance relationship with someone. He spends a lot to travel to visit her once a month and lavishes her with attention and gifts, but while he’s away we spend time together, partake in some sexting (pictures included) and have fooled around, but no actual sex. I have to admit I have spent money on her too. This has been going on for a while, we don’t want to be in a relationship but enjoy each other’s company. Is that cheating? Am I the bad guy here?
Starting to Give a Damn
Dear Starting to Give a Damn,
Thank you for your question. It really is an important one. Not sure what exactly you’re looking for, it seems to me you want to clear your conscience. You asked me to define what cheating is and if you were the bad guy in this situation. Let’s start with the definition of cheating. Cheating is as an act of deception, essentially you are doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your partner and you wouldn’t want them to find out about it. This could be physical, mental or emotional cheating. Let’s discuss what each of these mean.
This one is pretty clear. When Physical Cheating, you are having a physical sexual relationship with someone other your partner, without your partner’s consent. This includes touching, kissing, feeling … anything to do with the genitalia, anything that turns you on and especially gives you an orgasm. Even if you’re not having actual intercourse, it’s still considered physical cheating.
Internet has made Emotional Cheating much more prevalent. Why? Well, you can have a full blown relationship with someone without even meeting them in person. You can fall in love with someone without having any physical contact. Perhaps you’re missing something from your relationship and seek it elsewhere. It could also be someone you work with, a good friend or even the barrista at the coffee shop. Either way, you are sharing a part of you that should be reserved for your partner, even if you don’t take it to the next level. Most people having Emotional Affairs don’t know (or don’t admit) that they are being unfaithful. You can read more about what this means in this article “What is an Emotional Affair“.
Mental Cheating is thinking, lusting after and daydreaming about someone other than your partner. Some would argue that’s not really cheating because you aren’t doing anything about it, but it’s still cheating. This one, obviously, isn’t as bad as the others, but all actions start with a thought, an idea, and that idea might just come into fruition one day with the right motivation in the right circumstances.
You asked if you are the bad guy here. You are not the one doing the cheating, but you’re definitely participating in the act. Basically, you’re an accomplice. Just think how you would feel if you were the boyfriend in this situation. There are so many other women out there, why do you want someone else’s woman who clearly is having her fun playing two men? Have you crossed the line? Yes, you have and you need to go back. You obviously are feeling guilty about what you’re doing so you know it’s wrong. If you want my advice I would end your liaison with her and find someone who isn’t attached to someone else.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
READERS: Do you agree? What would you tell someone who asked you to define cheating? Please comment below … and read the other great comments that are already there!!
VOTED one of the 10 Best Dating Articles of the week by We Love Dates! Check out the rest here.
- Interesting Study! Cheating Definition: University Of Michigan Professor Talks Cheating Behaviors (VIDEO)
- Check out Dirty in Public’s rebuttal “Mental Cheating … Is It Real?” (by the way I still say YES!!)
- Chopper Papa also had something to say about my post in his latest “Infidelity by degrees“.