Cheating is a nasty by-product of an unhappy relationship that just isn’t working. Sometimes we see it coming and sometimes it takes us completely unawares. I have written before on the topic in my posts Why people Cheat and Define Cheating. No one wants to go through that, but it happens. In this installment of “Ask Single Dating Diva”, one of my readers shared her own experience and concerns about her relationship.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We were very happy for the longest time and then he started getting distant with me. He goes out more often with his friends. He doesn’t come home sometimes. He has also changed the password on his telephone and computer. Our sex life is dwindling as well. Maybe I’m just being paranoid but things aren’t the same and I feel deep inside me that something isn’t right. Whenever I try and bring it up he gets defensive and turns it around to make it look like I’m the guilty party and that I’m imagining things. I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do anymore. Help!
Dear Suspiciously Suspicious,
Thank you for your question and for sharing your concerns with me. I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time in your relationship. I think from what you shared with me that there is definitely something up. Your partner seems to be pulling away. Your gut instinct doesn’t lie, it’s that feeling that “something isn’t quite right”. I can’t tell you for certain if their actions mean they are cheating or not, but, things are definitely not adding up I do agree with you there. You cannot make them confess if they choose not to.
Change in behavior doesn’t always mean an affair, but your best approach is to face the issue and your suspicions head on. Choose a time and place that is quiet with no distractions. Talk about it in a calm way and mention specific actions and situations and how it made you feel. Don’t be accusatory or lose your cool. This doesn’t mean they will confess but you will have laid all your cards on the table. In your case it seems that whenever you do bring it up, your partner outright lies, gets angry and denies everything. You know what I say, the more intense the reaction, the more guilty the person. If they weren’t guilty and they valued your relationship then they would try and work things out and make things better. This obviously isn’t happening in your case. If you want to salvage the relationship then perhaps suggest counselling.
What is most important here is your self-care. You need to take care of yourself throughout this ordeal. Whether they are cheating or not, how you’re feeling right now is not healthy for you. You need to protect yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. That might mean seeking counselling which is very beneficial. It also means that you should go get tested for STIs, just in case. While you are deciding what to do, you might want to give yourself some space. Surround yourself with positive people and situations to pull strength from. You need to decide where you want to go with this situation and how you want to deal with it and just do it.
What’s most important is that you be true to you. Do what’s best for you, even if that means leaving your long term relationship. If they are cheating you do deserve better and you will find it.
Wishing you all the best!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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