Looking for Love in ALL the Wrong Places

Looking-for-LoveThis is the week of love, or so they say. I think it has something to do with Valentine’s and Cupid and all that crap.  The problem is that love isn’t about that and it certainly isn’t about one day! We tend to be swayed by popular culture and let that influence our attitudes about our self worth. This is especially true if we happen to be single during this time of year. Holidays are particularly difficult for single people, this holiday is the most challenging.  Is your first instinct to sit at home and throw a pity party? Well, as tempting as that sounds, it shouldn’t be. So what’s the solution? The solution is to stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

Looking for Love in ALL the Wrong Places

What does looking for love in all the wrong places mean? It means that you have a one track mind. You think that love means having a partner, someone to validate you and to love you. While that is one way to be loved and a great way, I know, but it’s not the only, nor the most important, way.  Yes, you heard me right … having someone in your life isn’t the solution to all your problems.  When love to you is about a partner, you tend to settle for the wrong sort of partner.  Being with anyone is better than being alone, right? WRONG!! You know that so why do you keep on making bad dating choices over and over? I had to ask myself that same question not too long ago. A partner should enhance your life not bring you stress and anxiety. The low hanging fruit isn’t always the best fruit, sometimes you need to aim higher. They should be good to you. They should be emotionally available. But, hey so should you, right? Seriously people … when will we learn? No one wants to be alone, so then what to do when you’re looking for love?

Looking for Love in ALL the Right Places

The solution is looking for love in all the RIGHT places. Love is a gift that the universe gives us. You need to look around you. Love is there. It exists. It can take all shapes and forms.  You need to see love for what it is … love is your family and friends, love is your environment, love is nature, love is doing things that make you happy, love is being with those people that make you feel good about yourself, love is doing good deeds, love is charity, love is that smile you give the homeless person on the street, love is listening, love is being there for someone who needs you, love is doing a good job, love is making a positive contribution to the world, love is loving yourself selflessly … essentially love is making the world a better place.  That’s love my friends and THAT is what we should be celebrating this week. Celebrate all the blessings in your life – people, things and places – and be grateful for them because the love you have in your life, however small, is a precious gift. Looking for love in the mirror and all around you is looking for love in all the right places.

Once you have found REAL love then you will be truly ready to find love with someone special. Be a lovable person and you will be loved. Plain. Simple. Sending you lots of love this week and every week!

Readers, what does love mean to you? Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

19 comments

  1. I ended a 4 1/2 month relationship last week. Not heartbroken, but most def bummed and feel a bit on the “let down” side of it. We met on an online dating site, and yes…there were red flags from the beginning. I think it is so important to like yourself first, know what you are willing and not willing to tolerate/accept and go from that point. We all pick the wrong ones for us, but maybe we just like the idea of just having “someone” instead of the “right one” for us. Being a single gal for this week is surely better off that getting a crappy Valentine 😉

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    • Thanks for sharing your story Stacia! Not many people realize how important it really is to love yourself first. It took me a long time to realize that, and to discover how much happier I am single rather than in a bad relationship.

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  2. How many of us are guilty of this? Finding love can only happen once you learn what love is. If you don’t recognize it when you see it, then you won’t know an average relationship from a great one. Great point, Suzie, on how love isn’t “stress and anxiety.” So many people, and I’ll call it how I see it, black people, think that you have to “go through something” in order to determine true love. That’s not true. Love isn’t about having a knock-down argument and then picking up the pieces. Love is doing the things that prevent arguments. It’s about being so thoughtful of your significant other that you wouldn’t dare do anything to hurt them. It’s about giving your significant other the benefit of the doubt when something rubs you the wrong way. If someone loves you, then why would you think they’re trying to hurt you and always be on the defensive? I hope plenty of people read your post because it can help quite a few if they read it with a receiving frame of mind.

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    • Thanks so much Q! You’re right … love shouldn’t be hard but we like the challenge sometimes I think. We don’t value anything that comes easy. But perhaps we should realize that we deserve easy sometimes.

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  3. ” A partner should enhance your life not bring you stress and anxiety.” –SO TRUE! I can’t stand when I have friends (both boys and girls) that eliminate fun things with their friends or just avoid doing things that make them happy because they are worried about what their partner would think. I think we should do things for ourselves and not worry about what your partner will freak out about. If they freak out, you deserve better! Good read! 🙂

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  4. Oh, what a great article. I thought you were going to write about where to meet a date, when I saw the title, but this was much deeper. You’re right, love is in so many places and is most definitely not in a bad relationship.

    Valentine’s Day is not my favorite holiday either. I spent my teens hating it because somehow I never seemed to have a boyfriend on those days and my friends did, then when I met my husband, we celebrated it a few years but then we decided Valentine’s Day didn’t matter any more – because every day counts not just one day a year.

    These days we don’t bother doing anything different on that day at all because it feels like we’re under some sort of obligation driven by Hallmark. The schmalzy cards, overpriced restaurants and out of season flowers mean nothing. Only real love counts. Maybe we’ll go and see a movie on Friday or just curl up on the sofa – no idea but I’ll be quite happy whatever we do.

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  5. I totally agree with your expansion of the true meaning of love. We were placed here to give not just to get. Love and be loved… That’s my stance. I have great friends and a loving family, I’m single but guess what, I’m loved. Great post!

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  6. Valentine’s Day is annoying for most single people. Now make it your birthday as well and amp up that annoyance factor x100. I haven’t been able to have a nice dinner with friends on my birthday since being old enough for my friend’s to be in serious relationships.

    Now that’s an excuse for a pity party! lol

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  7. Great post, Suzie. Putting too much pressure on finding love leads to trying too hard, which leads to kissing up. This is no way to start a relationship. The best time to start a relationship is when you don’t need one.

    MM

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  8. I definitely agree with this. To me love is not online dating but I feel compelled to online date because I am not meeting people in real life situations who want to date me. Then I get frustrated with online dating. So what do I do? Do I just take a break completely and continue to work on myself?

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